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Ilovelifeforwhatcome

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Ilovelifeforwhatcome

Finally I am meeting the guy I have been talking to for a couple months online. A couple weeks ago we moved to texting/Skyping, so I know the person actually exists. When we 1st started Skyping he vaguely mentioned coming to visit me, an excuse to come to my city (he has never been), but that was pretty far off. I decided to make the 1st move and visit him, he mentioned earlier how he had free tickets to an amusement park. He is super stoked and flattered that I am coming.

 

I managed to find super cheap tickets, plus I don't work that day anyways, so no inconvenience to me. I am an adult, I have a professional job and really cautious when dating. I am just afraid people will see me as desperate. I have been single most of my life and a year ago I ended my 1st serious relationship, I have had rotten luck (pre and post 1st relationship) finding guys in my area, so I'm ready to look elsewhere. Opinions? I know if the guy wasn't interested in me he would make an excuse as to why he couldn't make it that day and he wouldn't keep in contact with me.

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What is he sacrificing for this visit? The park tickets are free, so what is he covering here? Hotel? Are you staying with him?

 

Why do you care what other people think? It's your life and your decision. Are you confident with this choice?

 

How far does this guy live? Personally, I'd wait for him to come see me. It all depends if you like to pursue or you want someone to pursue you. The early stages of dating can set the tone for the rest of the 'relationship'. If you go out there, he'll see that you are willing to make a sacrifice for him. He may be willing to do the same for you. He might not be willing to do the same. Time will tell, but you need to be okay with both potential outcomes.

 

Sure, it's easy to tell when a guy is interested, more difficult to tell how interested. What is he willing to do in order to get to know you better?

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Ilovelifeforwhatcome
What is he sacrificing for this visit? The park tickets are free, so what is he covering here? Hotel? Are you staying with him?

 

Why do you care what other people think? It's your life and your decision. Are you confident with this choice?

 

How far does this guy live? Personally, I'd wait for him to come see me. It all depends if you like to pursue or you want someone to pursue you. The early stages of dating can set the tone for the rest of the 'relationship'. If you go out there, he'll see that you are willing to make a sacrifice for him. He may be willing to do the same for you. He might not be willing to do the same. Time will tell, but you need to be okay with both potential outcomes.

 

Sure, it's easy to tell when a guy is interested, more difficult to tell how interested. What is he willing to do in order to get to know you better?

 

I am going down there for the day and he has the food covered, I would never stay w/someone I didn't know. I don't think it matters whether he or I make the 1st move as long as we both respect each other in the relationship. I have been in a one sided relationship and I know what signs to look for. If he isn't willing to come see me, that will be my answer on how much he really likes me.

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I have been in a one sided relationship and I know what signs to look for. If he isn't willing to come see me, that will be my answer on how much he really likes me.

 

Sounds like he was already unwilling to travel to see you, no?

 

If you've been in one-sided relationships before why do you pay to travel to this man? Why don't you wait that he takes actions?

 

It doesn't matter you are careful and financially independent. When meeting a stranger, local or distance, it's the woman that is vulnerable unless you stand one foot taller than him and weigh 30-lbs more.

 

It's not a matter of being your own woman, it's a matter of you understanding you are putting yourself in a vulnerable position. That being said a real gentleman would have insisted on traveling to you because he would not have wanted you to take that risk.

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I am going down there for the day and he has the food covered, I would never stay w/someone I didn't know. I don't think it matters whether he or I make the 1st move as long as we both respect each other in the relationship. I have been in a one sided relationship and I know what signs to look for. If he isn't willing to come see me, that will be my answer on how much he really likes me.

 

It actually does matter since you haven't met him before and you don't know if he's willing to do the same for you yet. Generally, men like to pursue. When you start pursuing them, they will expect it to continue. It's not really a respect thing. He can respect you and still expect that you're going to pursue him.

 

I think you need to be patient when dealing with men. So he couldn't make it to see you. That's fine. Wait until he does. You don't have to catch the next flight to see him. He 'vaguely mentioned" a visit with you? To see the city because he's never been. But that was far off. What was stopping him from seeing you though?

 

Although your posts are meant to convey that you're confident with this choice, it doesn't sound like you are. You never answered that question. Why do you care what people think if you think this is a good idea?

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Sounds like he was already unwilling to travel to see you, no?

 

If you've been in one-sided relationships before why do you pay to travel to this man? Why don't you wait that he takes actions?

 

It doesn't matter you are careful and financially independent. When meeting a stranger, local or distance, it's the woman that is vulnerable unless you stand one foot taller than him and weigh 30-lbs more.

 

It's not a matter of being your own woman, it's a matter of you understanding you are putting yourself in a vulnerable position. That being said a real gentleman would have insisted on traveling to you because he would not have wanted you to take that risk.

 

YES to all of this!

 

@Ilovelifeforwhatcome. YOU are doing all the work! Of course he "sounds" or "seems" stoked that you are visiting. He's supplying the FREE amusement park tickets. Will he be paying for everything else? What does he do? Where does or how does he live?

 

DO NOT go anywhere remote or too isolated. Always be around people.

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Ilovelifeforwhatcome
YES to all of this!

 

@Ilovelifeforwhatcome. YOU are doing all the work! Of course he "sounds" or "seems" stoked that you are visiting. He's supplying the FREE amusement park tickets. Will he be paying for everything else? What does he do? Where does or how does he live?

 

DO NOT go anywhere remote or too isolated. Always be around people.

 

I am always going to be in public w/him. He does have a job, but I am better off financially then him (not bragging, but this is why i decided to visit him). As I have gotten to know him. I am starting to like him and I would rather find out sooner rather then later whether he is worth it. If he isn't worth it I will just write him off and start dating other men.

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I am always going to be in public w/him. He does have a job, but I am better off financially then him (not bragging, but this is why i decided to visit him). As I have gotten to know him. I am starting to like him and I would rather find out sooner rather then later whether he is worth it. If he isn't worth it I will just write him off and start dating other men.

 

If he cannot pay tickets to your city than he shouldn't start contact with women this far. If he has a job than he can pay. He just needs to budget those tickets. Even better, you 2 should meet in the middle and each pay your way.

 

I have nothing against women paying in relationships. I earn more than my boyfriend and I disburse more if I want to do things he cannot afford. But the key word here is 'relationship'. This man you are going to visit is not in a relationship with you.

 

How much were those tickets?

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I am always going to be in public w/him. He does have a job, but I am better off financially then him (not bragging, but this is why i decided to visit him). As I have gotten to know him. I am starting to like him and I would rather find out sooner rather then later whether he is worth it. If he isn't worth it I will just write him off and start dating other men.

 

If he can't find the time or money to visit you, then he's not worth it. You don't have to waste your time and money to find that out.

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If he cannot pay tickets to your city than he shouldn't start contact with women this far.

 

Agree with this unless of course he is looking for a pen pal or a strictly cyber-based relationship.

 

I hear that's going around and becoming very popular. :p:laugh:

 

Otherwise, expect to be footing the bill on all your visits... which is fine if you're okay with that.

 

In any event, have fun and hope you click as well in person as you do on line!

Edited by katiegrl
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If he cannot pay tickets to your city than he shouldn't start contact with women this far. If he has a job than he can pay. He just needs to budget those tickets. Even better, you 2 should meet in the middle and each pay your way.

 

YES. Totally agree!

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  • 2 weeks later...
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Ilovelifeforwhatcome

This concerns me. After going down to meet the guy I'm dating, he wanted me to come again. I am thrilled to go down there and I don't mind spending the $. The thing is though he offered to pay 1/2, I found super cheap tickets and he told me too book them w/out an offer to pay for 1/2. He is going to come down as well, a little later, but has yet to book the tickets (said he was going to wait until he got paid). In the end we would spend the same amt of $ on tickets if we split both, just that I'm afraid I will be always footing the bill. I know he isn't well off and struggles, I accept that, but if I say I'm going to do something, I'll do it, even if it means saving up and stuff. The $ is not the issue for me, I am not materialistic, but if he offered to pay, I want him to actually fulfill his end. Is this a bad sign of an unequal relationship in the making? Just to repeat this isn't about the $, just the principle of things.

 

I dated a guy who was cheap and very egotistical, I didn't mind spending on us and he was so tight w/his $ when it came to me. I know this guy would cover food and activities, but I would also be paying for my hotel. Am I expecting too much?

I'm going to make sure he books the tickets to visit me (he told me leaves everything to the last minute).

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Midnight_Madness

Hi,

 

It seems to me that you would like equality in the relationship, not a big thing to ask for in my opinion. I understand when you say it's not about the money but the principle of the situation.

 

If you are worried about being taken advantage of I reccomend discussing the subject with him.

 

Best of wishes in the future ☺.

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How long have you been dating? Has it always been long distance ? If no plans to cut the distance , it's going to be a struggle anyway.

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You need to nip this in tbe butt at beginning.

 

Honey tranfer me 347$ and l'll book the ticket.

 

If he doesn't have it then tell him you'll book it when he has it.

 

As simple as that.

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Ilovelifeforwhatcome

I am getting ready to visit the guy I'm dating again, but I'm anxious. I have been in a one sided relationship where I gave my all and the guy lost interest towards the end. I know the guy is interested in me and is even giving up a trip w/friends for the time I come to visit (he mentioned the trip w/his friends, but I did not know the date of it and I just planned to come down). We both agreed not see other people, though we are moving slow due to both of us being hurt before. He tells me he will dream about me and made a picture of us his social media profile pic.

The thing is though we don't have regular contact on a day to day basis, he himself said he is a terrible texter, but for the most part we do text good morning/night almost everyday (sometimes he doesn't text good morning), one night I decided to see if he texted 1st and he did wish me a good night. I don't text irrelevant things. Is it normal to go a day or 1/2 w/no comm from your LD partner? I just wonder if its something to worry about, I let my ex get away w/so much and the lack of good morning/night texts what a sign that he was losing interest. I know texting doesn't determine the quality of a person, my ex texted me like crazy in the beginning.

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I was just looking at your past posts to get some context. Are you aware of how many posts you've made fretting about this relationship?

 

Good relationships are easy. Instead of causing us worry, good relationships are soothing.

 

Now I don't know if this just isn't meeting your needs...or if you've got too much baggage to be dating. But the amount of angst this relationship is causing you isn't good.

 

Why not date a local guy who's proximity makes it far easier to get your needs met?

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Finally I am meeting the guy I have been talking to for a couple months online. A couple weeks ago we moved to texting/Skyping, so I know the person actually exists. When we 1st started Skyping he vaguely mentioned coming to visit me, an excuse to come to my city (he has never been), but that was pretty far off. I decided to make the 1st move and visit him, he mentioned earlier how he had free tickets to an amusement park. He is super stoked and flattered that I am coming.

 

I managed to find super cheap tickets, plus I don't work that day anyways, so no inconvenience to me. I am an adult, I have a professional job and really cautious when dating. I am just afraid people will see me as desperate. I have been single most of my life and a year ago I ended my 1st serious relationship, I have had rotten luck (pre and post 1st relationship) finding guys in my area, so I'm ready to look elsewhere. Opinions? I know if the guy wasn't interested in me he would make an excuse as to why he couldn't make it that day and he wouldn't keep in contact with me.

I know what is like to be judged on account of being in an LDR. After a debacle marriage to a woman I met locally. I have only been in an LDR. I have been in two LDR's since my marriage. Both seemed to have marriage potential, but didn't get that far.

 

My family thought I was nuts. Now they don't bug me about it.

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  • 2 weeks later...
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Ilovelifeforwhatcome

Just wondering in LDR, if one person has to always initiate a phone call/video chat, does that mean the other person isn't super interested? I'm dating someone long distance and I am always the one who initiates vid chatting. He spends hours w/me on vid chat, but I would really like him to initiate them himself. We text a little throughout the day and usually vid chat 1x or 2x a week. I want to bring this up w/him cause its important to me.

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Ilovelifeforwhatcome
Possibly. Or you might just always beat him to the punch. Have you tried not initiating to see what he does?

 

I actually do wait for him suggest vid chatting and seems like we could go a week or more w/out it. This week we kind of scheduled a vid chat for today, but he hasn't mentioned anything. I am not going to remind him and see if he remembers, if not I will talk to him about it and how that makes me feel. I know he is interested (I am going to see him very soon), but I want him to understand how important that part is for me. He has initiated just a couple times.

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I always back off if I think I'm the one doing all the work.

 

I would phone my girlfriend all the time, until I decided one day I would see how long it would be until she got in touch with me.

 

After 9 years I'm still waiting for the phonecall.

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