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UserName000000

Hi,

we are in a ldr with my bf (appr. 5 000 miles).. everything went well so far. we met on the internet. we were in touch every day. We were soulmates, best friends, everything. after 1 year I visited him for 4 months. we had ups and downs. But it was amazing. At the end I felt like he is changing...

Now we are in the situation that after I came back home he told me he is having a bad feeling he wanted to tell me when I was there but he couldn't. He says he still love me, I'm still his best friend, he misses me but he is not sure about us anymore... He wants us to continue in this but he doesn't want to talk about us in future. He said "We will see..." I gave him everything he wanted. I was his biggest support when nobody was there for him. He said if I was there he wouldn't wanna break up. But I'm not there and he can't live with that. Even if he was talking about us like I'm his wife and he wants to have kids with me.

Is somebody there in the same situation as me?

It's really hard and painful. It came out from nowhere. One second he loved me and the other he told me that this is not gonna work...

If he wants to break up why doesn't he tell me that? Why is he still telling me he loves me and misses me.... I feel like lost in the world.. But I know I made mistakes - I was (and still am) too dependent on him, I was addicted to him, I couldn't imagine my life without him, and i fought with him too much because i took us too seriously and I overthought everything... But isn't it understandable if he was talking about us like a sure couple??

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The reality is that you two live very far apart, and it's difficult to maintain a relationship at that distance. Many people would have a hard time with it, even if they genuinely care about the other person. It's just not very sustainable without already having a strong foundation (generally built in person prior to going long-distance) If there is no specific end in sight to the distance, it's hard to feel optimistic about a future together.

 

It could be that he simply saw incompatibilities once you were two were actually spending time together offline. What were you two fighting about? You say you were too dependent on him - can you give some examples of why you believe this?

 

There is also the possibility (however hard to hear or imagine) that he has met someone local but isn't yet cutting things off with you unless and until he knows the local person is a viable prospect.

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Blackened Heart

I went through this very thing with my last relationship which was a LDR. We lived about 1600 miles so very similar to your situation. She was the one to end it and it was due to the distance and lack of physical contact. Chatting became harder and she felt very alone a lot of the time, wanting to just be with me.

 

I've learn that LDR are extremely difficult for people, especially when they invest a lot into just the relationship. For me it was a bit easier with the distance as I have so much going in my life, my work, kid, sports I do, friends and such, that I'm always busy that I rarely have time to feel alone. Don't get me wrong, I would devote a lot of time to her also chatting and such, but I can understand how someone can feel really alone in a relationship with no clear path.

 

What she went through it probably what your guy went through, in that it's too hard being in something that may not lead to anything, and he needed to cut it off, because he was suffering more than getting positive from it. It's very tough, because you think things are going in a certain direction but they're not. And that's the thing, if you (and I) were close and able to be physically with the person, we would be able to see how they are feeling and what they are going through, but the reality is that you don't have to see, only what is being told via text or however you communicate.

 

If I learned anything, it's to not have another LDR, it just isn't worth it. At least not until I finalize being able to work remotely from anywhere in the world, then maybe I'll consider it an option :laugh:

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