The "best friend"

[Tero]

Background: My boyfriend and I met each other online almost 3 years afo, we live in opposite sides of the country so we started talking as friends but the relationship progressed and we decided to meet in person. We have met twice and have now been dating for 2 1/2 months. We make each other so happy and we even talk about a future together.

 

So now, the problem. He is a very friendly person and he's one of those "lady friend guys" he has more lady friends than guy friends, he gives them advice and blah blah blah.

2 of His best friends are girls. He talks to them regularly, they know everything about me, they added me on social media and everything already and insist on meeting me. Anyway, he spends time with them that I don't have with him and it sucks. I do get a little jealous from time to time.

So, he came to visit me this week and before he even got here, one of his "girl best friends" sends me a message saying that she "knows he's on his way to visit me and to take care of him because he's her best friend and she 'loves him like family', and to make sure I make fun of him as well!" What os that even supposed to mean? I took it offensively, like who are you to tell me how to treat my boyfriend? Also, all i see in his phone are notifications of these close friends. I try to be understanding, but it does bother me a bit. When he was on his way back home he had a 2 hour layover, he said he was gna make a few calls and then call me, well he called herror, the best friend, and we ended up talking like 10 min only before he had to get out that plane. I know I had just spent time with him in person, but it still bugged me. I haven't talked to him about this because idk if I'm being crazy and overreacting or if I'm right to feel this way. I'm just afraid he'll end up with one of them instead of me. I really felt as if she was claiming him before he came to me. I may be wrong. Please give me some advice.

Edited October 22, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language~T

[doyathinkso]

Sorry, but online 'relationships' are crap.

 

Get offline and back into the real world and find some nice guy who you actually get to know face to face.

 

His real girlfriend has already made fun of you. Don't you get it?

[stillafool]

It's doubtful he is going to give up his best friends. I imagine if he wanted to be with one of them romantically he already would have done so before you came into the picture. I once dated a guy who had a lot of female friends and it does get on your nerves after a while. Just ignore texts you get from them telling you how to manage your time with you bf. If you never text back and acknowledge receipt they will get the message and stop.

[Chris516]

Sorry, but online 'relationships' are crap.

 

Get offline and back into the real world and find some nice guy who you actually get to know face to face.

Is that your 'gospel'?

 

You do realize that you are spouting your bilge in an 'LDR' forum.

[smackie9]

Is that your 'gospel'?

 

You do realize that you are spouting your bilge in an 'LDR' forum.

It's reality. Tho LDRs do happen, they are usually riddle with problems, struggles, and heartbreak. Sure they can be exhilarating, exciting, and bring such pleasure BUT in the end, if you let it go for too long, the novelty wears off, and one finds themselves meeting someone locally or they are cheating/lying, already have a BF/GF......it's just way too easy to get duped/suckered.

 

There is a lot of responsibility to be taken as well as a lot of trust, but also the need to understand the risks that are involved. There are only a lucky few that the risks reap the rewards.

Save

Save

[smackie9]

Me personally long distance or not, I would never date a guy that had a bunch of female friends. I like a man's man that enjoys man things, likes being with the boys....I find it more masculine than some dude that needs constant female attention, sipping wine and talking about their problems.

 

There is some possessiveness going on here with those "best friends"....it has nothing to with anything romantic tho, it has a lot to do with the attention being shifted onto you instead of them. It's jealousy because they have always had his undivided attention for so long, you are competition for it and they are not liking it. That's why they are pulling you into their fold, so they don't lose any of it.

 

You cannot change his situation...these girls are going to always be around, now compound that with the distance, and what do you end up with? A whole lot of jealousy and uncertainty....no relationship should be like that. Cut your losses it's not worth the bs.

[justwhoiam]

Hi Tero,

 

What to say... If I put myself in your shoes....... Oh my... I envision it'd go this way:

 

1) I would ignore the texts

2) As soon as he comes to me, I show him the phone and tell him: WTH is this? Why did you give my phone # to people I don't even know? Just know that I do not appreciate you sharing PRIVATE info about me and us with any other people........................

3) I would also have some talks with him about his relationship with all these ladies and how close they feel they can get and how close he feels like being to them, and how appropriate he thinks that is, and how feasible he thinks such closeness would be when you intend to have a steady relationship with a woman.

4) I think I wouldn't make any plans for the 2-hour layover, I would leave him free to choose to do what he feels like, but then I woudn't be able to refrain myself from judging his decision. Since his choice might turn out to be a wrong decision, I would detach myself at first because of that, just to think it over. If he cares enough, he will adjust his behavior.

 

All in all, I think your best chance is that he falls so head over heels for you, that all the rest falls quickly in the background. That's when you're really involved and carried away. I'm not sure this happened in your case, but you never know.

[Conc444]

Dear Tero,

I can understand your feelings. I know that it will be really painful when someone whom you love gives more important to others. But you should agree the fact that they were close to him before you both started loving. Just trust him, because if he loved some other, then he may not have loved you. If you have any trust issue, speak it up with him because there's no use in loving without trust. Just tell him that you need some importance in his life. He will understand you.