GF broke up with me... need someone to talk to

[lonely1129]

ME=23

HER= 26

 

Last year in October I was on chatroulette and met this gorgeous looking girl from Thailand. At first she said she will skip me but after me being so persistant, she said she likes my confidence and we soon exchanged contacts.

 

We talked for 3 weeks all the time on skype 24/7, even brought laptop into bed to see eachother fall asleep. She said she likes honesty and that she broke up with her LDR bf 2 or 3 months ago and wasnt looking for anyone.

 

After these 3 weeks she went on a trip with a friend "lets call him person 1" whom she found really hot but said she had no feelings for (and is a real womanizer she said, that she has sex with a lot of girls and that they dated a little). I know Ive developed feelings for her but didnt really tell her. When she was on the trip, I told her I started to love her and have a LDR with her. She said she wants to have some noughty time on the trip and I was really sad.

 

After she came back from the trip she said that she is sorry and didnt know I developed feelings for her. She said she also did for me and wont see. I said its okay and lets work on it. She agreed and said she can take LDR but if I will be serious, since when shes in a relationship, she invests everything in it.

 

Time went by, we skyped/facetimed 24/7, messaged eachother all the time, showed affection. She even baked a cake for my bday and ate in front of cam.

 

So I went to visit her in february and everything was great, we travelled whole Thailand (splitting bills 50:50), got to meet her mom and a few relatives, who found me amazing.

 

After a month in Thailand I had to return, she drove me to the airpoirt and we kissed goodbye and she promised to visit me the next time when she has more money.

 

When I got back, we kept talking all the time, sending eachother pictures of what we were doing and so on. She said I am the one and that some fortune-teller told her she will be together with me in 5 years. We promised eachother to work towards this goal and to see eachother as much as possible. She kept saying how much she likes to travel and that she wants to see the world.

 

During this time she has failed her last year of Architecture school and said to repeat the last semester in janurary 2017. Meanwhile she also started her brand selling bags and shoes. Her designs are amazing... I thought and was there for her supporting her, thinking we will be able to earn enough money to see eachother more often. The brand is developing very well.

 

So september comes and we still talk. She dyes her hair for like 200 euro (8000 thai baht) and man she was gorgeous 10/10. But I thought it would be better to save the money to see eachother. A few days later she tells me that person 1 contacted her again to go on a trip with him. I said I am not okay with it but that she can go, since I trust her unconditionally and she promised nothing will happened:

-she really proved to be honest and not lie: when I was with her in Thailand, all her storied matched - about her exes etc (she told me she keeps contact with everyone and likes to see how people think, and so on... thats why she didnt next me on chatroulette since she didnt find me attractive but smart). She kept her mobile and laptop unlocked, but I never checked her conversations even if she told me I can if i want to. She said she has nothing to hide.

 

Anyway, after this 3 day trip which turned out 4 day trip, we kept in contact quite often. She sent me a picture of separate bed and so on. After she came back, she out of nowhere said "I wanna be free, I wanna experience world and travel". I didnt even feel anxious, It was just like: I trusted you unconditionally and now this. I told her I want to work on relationship with her and she said ok but that she wants it more "open", to meet new people and have physical sex and that she still loves me dearly. I said I wanna work towards us living together. THen she said she has to admit that she had sex with person 1 two times, first two times she resisted, the other 2 nights she couldnt.

 

We skype a little and she cried and says she wants to be free and that this person 1 is coming to visit her again.

 

I blocked her and said goodbye and to contact me when she makes up her mind, since I find her the most amazing, caring girl.

 

I was little sad, not too much, still functioned normally, but man I thought I lost a diamond.

 

After 3 days she contacted me that she is feeling unhappy and that she is sorry (over SMS since i blocked all other contacts).

 

I called her again and we talked during her lunch with mom. She said she wants to be free again and that time is not right as she doesnt want to commit. But still like to keep contact with me and see what im doing and so on. She said I can come visit her in Thailand when Im there and sleep over and that she still has plan to come to Europe if she has money during summer.

 

Then I blocked her number and also her mom on Facebook (i told her mom that I still have feelings for her and that I cant stand seeing her with other guys and to have a good time and hopefully see eachother in future).

 

I wanted to share story with you, since I feel a lot less ok today than I did on the day she broke up with me a few days ago. I feel like I lost most caring, loving girls to a distance. And I also wonder how much she lied to me but I come to the same conclusion that she is the most honest being I met...

 

I just dont know what to think. In future, after I heal, I would like to add her on facebook again. I had a few hookups and a 2 year relationship before, but I never experienced a girl looking at me, cooking for me, talking with me so affectionate

 

Edit1: she also told me she dyed her hair before person 1 even contacted her for the trip and that she cannot resist.

To add: during this year of being together she kept mentioning how much she needs hugging, kissing and when I was with her in Thailand, she always kept sniffing me, which I found soooo hooot, she said she likes to exeperience tastes and smells.

She likes to experience sensation.

 

Maybe ldr with her would never work out since she needs someone close and really loved me or do you guys see another problem?

 

I really dont think I can find such an amazing, hot, smart girl again. Her gestures were out of this world

 

EDIT 2: I was tempted by cheating while still loving her deeply and I consider myself doing for my beloved one. I never thought I could even think about it but I guess it happens.. except I probably wouldnt be so honest with her.

Edited October 9, 2016 by lonely1129

[smackie9]

The reason you find this all amazing is because you know you can't have her....we desire most what we can't have. If you can't move to be with her, this is a bust. You are just not facing the reality that this cannot work for the long term. She already wants to explore other options, and why not?? she is young, and so she should.

 

As for you, you need to do the same. Push yourself away from the computer and go out, enjoy life, meet new women, have sex, have fun, explore your options too.

 

Waiting for 5 years to find a way to be together is not feasible at all. Don't worry...in time her memory will be replaced by someone else.

[ExpatInItaly]

She isn't as awesome as you think she is, OP.

 

She went on a trip with some other guy while she was supposedly in a relationship with you. That tells me she obviously knew him before they went away together, meaning she'd been in communication with him without your knowledge. She was keeping her options open all along, while giving you the impression that you two were exclusive. (If I understand the series of events correctly, that is) I know you believe she is honest, but I don't totally agree with that. Where and how does she meet these guys who take her on trips? They just randomly offer to pay for a short holiday without expecting anything in return? I think there's a lot more to that arrangement than she's told you. Doesn't that seem a bit suspicious to you?

 

She was right to tell you she can't be in a relationship with you, though. It is evident she cannot commit to you and realistically, the distance and circumstances you two face aren't very sustainable in terms of a relationship. I know you were strongly attracted to her and she makes you feel good, but it's quite obvious you're not the only guy she's sharing affections with.

 

Your best bet is to really let this go. There's a lot of red flags here and I think she took advantage of your kindness and attention in a big way.

[lonely1129]

She isn't as awesome as you think she is, OP.

 

She went on a trip with some other guy while she was supposedly in a relationship with you. That tells me she obviously knew him before they went away together, meaning she'd been in communication with him without your knowledge. She was keeping her options open all along, while giving you the impression that you two were exclusive. (If I understand the series of events correctly, that is) I know you believe she is honest, but I don't totally agree with that. Where and how does she meet these guys who take her on trips? They just randomly offer to pay for a short holiday without expecting anything in return? I think there's a lot more to that arrangement than she's told you. Doesn't that seem a bit suspicious to you?

 

She was right to tell you she can't be in a relationship with you, though. It is evident she cannot commit to you and realistically, the distance and circumstances you two face aren't very sustainable in terms of a relationship. I know you were strongly attracted to her and she makes you feel good, but it's quite obvious you're not the only guy she's sharing affections with.

 

Your best bet is to really let this go. There's a lot of red flags here and I think she took advantage of your kindness and attention in a big way.

 

She told me everything about every previous guy. This person 1 was her lover as I previously stated, but they stopped dating a while ago and even before we started dating. During this year when we dated, he contacted her many times but she refused, she told me everytime. She shared every second of life with me. She couldnt lie to me because we went to bed togeether every night (she goes to sleep round 4,5 am, which is 11 pm here) and she was always alone, we always left skype open, except in these last 2 weeks. She doesnt drink, smoke, party,... every time she went out on a drink, she called me on skype and introduced me to friends over skype, then she sent me a picture like every half an hour or less. None of us was possessive in the relationship... thats why its so strange and sudden. It really felt like we were living together

 

And I am very clingy person and she was the only girl that I unconditionally trusted and therefore wasnt being clingy

Edited October 9, 2016 by lonely1129

[lonely1129]

The reason you find this all amazing is because you know you can't have her....we desire most what we can't have. If you can't move to be with her, this is a bust. You are just not facing the reality that this cannot work for the long term. She already wants to explore other options, and why not?? she is young, and so she should.

 

As for you, you need to do the same. Push yourself away from the computer and go out, enjoy life, meet new women, have sex, have fun, explore your options too.

 

Waiting for 5 years to find a way to be together is not feasible at all. Don't worry...in time her memory will be replaced by someone else.

 

You dont find a girl like that on every corner.

And believe me, Im not in the worst place right now (I remember how I wished my last ex was back and it took months to recover, I couldnt even sleep) and now Im like... Damn, I just lost something perfect... its like... different

[ExpatInItaly]

I still don't buy her version of events with this guy.

 

They had to have been in much more contact than she told you for him to have suddenly offered a trip. The fact that she even accepted it should have been a clear sign to you that she wasn't committed to your relationship.

 

You might have been in contact with her frequently, but the reality is you live opposite sides of the world and you simply cannot know everything she does. She found time to talk to him, too. If she hadn't, she wouldn't have had a trip offer in the first place. And she liked him enough to have sex with him; the good thing is that even she knows that's a deal-breaker and thus did the right thing by setting you free.

 

I might be repeating myself, but I think the above is worth re-stating. Her story is missing some pieces. But in the end, it's rather moot as she doesn't want to continue. Believe me when I say she's chosen the less painful route by ending it now rather than continuing to cheat on you and string you along.