kris123456789 Posted October 9, 2016 Share Posted October 9, 2016 We are 5 years in relationship and we are on 1 year and 3 months in long distance relationship. We never travel a lot because of financial problems that is why I go abroad to work for money and she goes abroad too, to earn money and now this next month she will go home first ahead of me because her contract finishes next month. Mine is next year. She said she is going to travel with another gay-guy or bisexual friend to 3 countries just the two of them and stay on a hotel. I told her that I am not comfortable if she is going to sleep with her bisexual friend alone just the two of them on a hotel. I told her that why you couldn't wait for me? and she said she wants to enjoy while I am not home and now we have a fight. Guys I need an advice on what I am going to do with this situation. Should I let her? or not? the ticket is already booked her friend booked her for free. Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted October 9, 2016 Share Posted October 9, 2016 If you're LDR for so long, and if you trust her, I think there's nothing wrong with having trips with the opposite sex. Do they have a romantic\sexual history? Is he an Ex? I understand he is not gay but Bi. So does he have any interest in her? Will they sleep at the same room? You say that it's already booked without asking you. If my Gf would have arranged sleeping in the same hotel room with another guy without talking about it with me first, this was the end of our relationship. Not necessarily because i don't trust her, and maybe I could be fine with it, but you don't do one sided action while you're in a relationship, and she did. It's a huge red flag. Link to post Share on other sites
lightfoot Posted October 10, 2016 Share Posted October 10, 2016 (edited) I would guess that your relationship is in decline. A year and three months is a long time to be apart after three years and nine months together. Out of sight, out of mind is always true given enough time. Why is she spending her money on a vacation with this friend instead of saving it up for your relationship? After five years, I would imagine you are pretty serious. And how do you know the friend is gay/bi? Because she told you? To me it definitely sounds like he has a romantic interest in her and that they're already involved. If I had a serious girlfriend I would never ever let her go traveling alone with another guy, even if he were surgically castrated. That wouldn't enter the realm of possibility. Edited October 10, 2016 by lightfoot Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted October 10, 2016 Share Posted October 10, 2016 This notion of "allowing" it or not is a little disturbing, but looking at it real-world style, even tho you can't actually stop it, you don't have to condone or accept it. That means you use your only bargaining chip, which is if he goes, you're gone. The question of course is what's the nature of the real 'threat' here - I assume he's not just a generic cardboard cutout of a bisexual man and has an identity that will shine light on the real danger of him and her hooking up, and she has an identity too that will give you some idea of the risks and how trustworthy she is. If she's not trustworthy and you can't count on her not sleeping w this guy just bc you're not there guard-dogging her, why are you even w her in the first place? Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted October 23, 2016 Share Posted October 23, 2016 I told her that why you couldn't wait for me? and she said she wants to enjoy while I am not home and now we have a fight. Your card is right there. Just how much money will go into the 3-day trip that will be affecting you two as a couple? And let her see that any money she's spending with him will be money not spent for you two. Obviously, this is a stretch. But you said you're both very tight on money, so this is crucial. Setting priorities is key. And it will say a lot about how much she cares about you and her sense of sacrifice. Because life includes that too. Should I let her? or not? the ticket is already booked her friend booked her for free. I say: stand your ground. And remember: obtaining whatever you want will be less viable if you start imposing yourself, your views or your restrictions. So it'll work better if you're able to make the other person feel responsible for causing unnecessary stir, friction, money waste, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
Robert Posted October 23, 2016 Share Posted October 23, 2016 It appears the thread-starter disappeared immediately after posting, so we'll close this up pending their return. They can use the "Alert Us" button on this post to have it reopened to responses. Thank you. ~6 Link to post Share on other sites
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