thomas123 Posted September 29, 2016 Share Posted September 29, 2016 (edited) Ive been dating my gf for 2 years now, this summer has been great with her, spent tons of time, had fun etc. No negative signs shown. I go away for a week for vacation with family, come back and things seem somewhat normal, which the exception of her not talking much. she said she got into reading books and is binging, so i look past it. At this point shes still texting me goodmorning and goodnight either way regardless. A week or 2 later she forgets to one day then later that night she tells me we should stop the daily greetings. Essentially she said "i want to talk less because i dont have much to talk about". she told me not to worry and overthink about it. that it doesnt change our relationship (not breaking up) and that we can still hangout, just "irregular texting" is better. She even said we can go watch a movie or two, which we didnt end up doing because things came up for her and me on the days we were going to. Needless to say I got worried about all this, i keep thinking that shes trying to phase me out. This was 3-4 weeks ago, as far as texting goes, she still does text/reply most of the week, the most shes gone without replying is 2 days. She still tells me what shes up to and gives some details so she isnt doing the 1 word reply thing, but i cant help but feel like shes trying to slowly distance herself. To add some extra detail, this isnt the first time she got distant, it happened in january for a few weeks and mid-summer as well, both those times i worried about the same thing and things turned out fine in the end. The difference is that she was still texting me goodmorning/night daily back then. So I dont know what to do. I was thinking of confronting her if things dont improve by reading week (1 week break from school) because she will be back home. I do have a history of overthinking and worrying alot (she knows this) so im thinking this problem might be more with me than with her. Infact, she told me now so i dont end up worrying when she initiated irregular texting. I have accused her of cheating 4 months into our relationship and she blocked me for a week because of it. Recently i thought she was avoiding me in game because it looked like she kept joining different rooms when i joined hers. Then the next time i went on she said "nice timing, but i g2g" i complained about that but she told me she had to go to a club meeting with housemates and gave me details about that. i forgot all about that, to which she replied "i forgot you only think im avoiding you". sorry if this post looks incoherent and may be going off on tangents but i have so many more things i can say and its clouding my mind right now. If anyone could shed some light about this situation would be greatly appreciated. Edited September 30, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator paragraphs ~6 Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted September 30, 2016 Share Posted September 30, 2016 This is the problem in relationships based on texts. I have had so many misunderstandings because of texts, that caused many crises even with my wife whom I see every day and night. That's why sometimes I refuse to run a conversation by texts. For me text is for exchanging information and nothing more. Link to post Share on other sites
NCmav Posted September 30, 2016 Share Posted September 30, 2016 This is the problem in relationships based on texts. I have had so many misunderstandings because of texts, that caused many crises even with my wife whom I see every day and night. That's why sometimes I refuse to run a conversation by texts. For me text is for exchanging information and nothing more. I am also coming to the conclusion that text messaging should only be used to remind someone of something or set a date up. So much confusion can stem from text messages and Facebook messages. Link to post Share on other sites
Author thomas123 Posted September 30, 2016 Author Share Posted September 30, 2016 youre both right but it is long distance and its always been like this for us Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted September 30, 2016 Share Posted September 30, 2016 youre both right but it is long distance and its always been like this for us So try a change! She told you not to overthink it or worry and she pre-warned you too. Being in an LDR doesn't mean texting is the only form of communication you can have. There's phone calls too. I much prefer a catch up phone call every 2-3 days than texting all the time. Good morning and good night texts to me feel like an obligation and are really boring and predictable - they cause me to lose any form of missing someone or wondering about them because they are in my face every single day Texting through the day makes things worse - I'm the same - I felt like I just didn't have a lot to say when I'd already sent a text an hour ago. She is trying to inject a bit of spontaneity I think and a bit of that amazingly nervy but butterfly inducing 'Hmm, what is he doing? I wonder how the gig he went to went - think I'll call him tonight for a catch up and I have Zoe's party to tell him all about too so should be a good fun call' and wow I love it went he picks up my calls - his voice goes all deep and sexy!' You really have nothing to lose by giving a change in communication a good good try. If you confront her and want it to go back to day in day out obligated boring then really honestly she is likely to leave the relationship. This is just my views and my opinion and for me a calm down on texts by no means an end to the relationship - it just means I am getting bored of things and want to improve it for me and for us. In my opinion skipping contact for a couple of days is no biggie and 100% normal. If for you OP you cannot handle it then it's time for you to decide whether you actually want to continue this or move on to someone else who wants the same level of daily contact as you do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author thomas123 Posted September 30, 2016 Author Share Posted September 30, 2016 So try a change! She told you not to overthink it or worry and she pre-warned you too. Being in an LDR doesn't mean texting is the only form of communication you can have. There's phone calls too. I much prefer a catch up phone call every 2-3 days than texting all the time. Good morning and good night texts to me feel like an obligation and are really boring and predictable - they cause me to lose any form of missing someone or wondering about them because they are in my face every single day Texting through the day makes things worse - I'm the same - I felt like I just didn't have a lot to say when I'd already sent a text an hour ago. She is trying to inject a bit of spontaneity I think and a bit of that amazingly nervy but butterfly inducing 'Hmm, what is he doing? I wonder how the gig he went to went - think I'll call him tonight for a catch up and I have Zoe's party to tell him all about too so should be a good fun call' and wow I love it went he picks up my calls - his voice goes all deep and sexy!' You really have nothing to lose by giving a change in communication a good good try. If you confront her and want it to go back to day in day out obligated boring then really honestly she is likely to leave the relationship. This is just my views and my opinion and for me a calm down on texts by no means an end to the relationship - it just means I am getting bored of things and want to improve it for me and for us. In my opinion skipping contact for a couple of days is no biggie and 100% normal. If for you OP you cannot handle it then it's time for you to decide whether you actually want to continue this or move on to someone else who wants the same level of daily contact as you do. well im generally okay with her decision, however up to a point. The issue is that we talk very little even with the whole irregular texting thing. Its nice that she does give details here and there and isnt leaving me completely in the dark but the past week or 2 she only replies once in a given day. I can handle a day or 2 or 3 without any talking. but then on the days that we do talk there needs to be more than just that 1 reply. as of now theres no substance in our convos, it seems as if shes replying just to say that she isnt completely ignoring me. Granted im patient so ill wait it out till her 1 week break when she comes home. I mean she said talk less, not "barely talk at all". I havent really shown many signs of worrying to her, kept it to myself. havent been complaining about stuff like i used to. Biggest fear is that she met a guy at her school that she likes, or the guy she secretly had a crush on starting liking her and shes spending all that time we would have together with him. Ironic how im overthinking when she told me not to... you really dont think shes trying to phase me out? oh and about the texting throughout the day well.. she had plenty to talk about last semester and even this summer. so its weird to suddenly not have much to talk about. Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted September 30, 2016 Share Posted September 30, 2016 havent been complaining about stuff like i used to. This bit ^^^ How long ago were you complaining, about what exactly and how often exactly? Be honest. Link to post Share on other sites
Author thomas123 Posted September 30, 2016 Author Share Posted September 30, 2016 This bit ^^^ How long ago were you complaining, about what exactly and how often exactly? Be honest. honestly, throughout the relationship id make small complaints. i have done it when she forgot to text ill admit.... a month ago id say? Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted September 30, 2016 Share Posted September 30, 2016 honestly, throughout the relationship id make small complaints. i have done it when she forgot to text ill admit.... a month ago id say? You say the last was a month ago - how often apart were these type of complaints? Discounting summer completely. Before summer how often? Link to post Share on other sites
Author thomas123 Posted September 30, 2016 Author Share Posted September 30, 2016 You say the last was a month ago - how often apart were these type of complaints? Discounting summer completely. Before summer how often? maybe once or twice a week, some weeks there were none. there was a little in the summer. some about replying late, or not answering on fb when shes using it mostly to talk to group members about work. although i stopped complaining about not reply on fb much. Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted September 30, 2016 Share Posted September 30, 2016 Sorry OP but you've been attempting to control her and smothering her too. Twice a week is a heck of a lot of complaints!! Do you want the woman you are dating to be the woman you first met with obvious boundaries in place for herself and independence which does not disrespect you. Or do you want a woman who is pegged down, is answerable to you, loses her sense of self and is at your beck and call because you aren't happy without a good morning/night text each day and cannot cope with 2 days minus contact? She is calling out to you here - she wants to miss you - she wants butterflies back - all her butterflies are sellotaped/stapled down inside her tummy because they have to send a good morning text - butterflies are normally free - they happen and you see them randomly -- but oh how awesome they are when you see them!!! If you don't sort this and stick to it pretty damn quick (like now) you will lose her. Or - like I said you choose to leave - find someone who wants as much contact as you do. Ultimately - what do you want? It might not be her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author thomas123 Posted September 30, 2016 Author Share Posted September 30, 2016 (edited) Sorry OP but you've been attempting to control her and smothering her too. Twice a week is a heck of a lot of complaints!! Do you want the woman you are dating to be the woman you first met with obvious boundaries in place for herself and independence which does not disrespect you. Or do you want a woman who is pegged down, is answerable to you, loses her sense of self and is at your beck and call because you aren't happy without a good morning/night text each day and cannot cope with 2 days minus contact? She is calling out to you here - she wants to miss you - she wants butterflies back - all her butterflies are sellotaped/stapled down inside her tummy because they have to send a good morning text - butterflies are normally free - they happen and you see them randomly -- but oh how awesome they are when you see them!!! If you don't sort this and stick to it pretty damn quick (like now) you will lose her. Or - like I said you choose to leave - find someone who wants as much contact as you do. Ultimately - what do you want? It might not be her. i can adjust to it, as long as i know she still loves me and not someone else or theres no other reason ill be okay with it... it still feels like she lost interest however. I just hope shes actually busy with work... Edited September 30, 2016 by thomas123 Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted September 30, 2016 Share Posted September 30, 2016 i can adjust to it, as long as i know she still loves me and not someone else or theres no other reason ill be okay with it... it still feels like she lost interest however. I just hope shes actually busy with work... She has almost lost interest - which is why she is needing a change. She hasn't lost all interest yet though as she has told you, warned you, told you not to overthink it. If you really want to be in this then give it a shot - not for a day or a week - for 3 or 6 months but you have to be consistent with not sweating the small stuff like a text that hasn't yet had a reply. Link to post Share on other sites
Author thomas123 Posted September 30, 2016 Author Share Posted September 30, 2016 She has almost lost interest - which is why she is needing a change. She hasn't lost all interest yet though as she has told you, warned you, told you not to overthink it. If you really want to be in this then give it a shot - not for a day or a week - for 3 or 6 months but you have to be consistent with not sweating the small stuff like a text that hasn't yet had a reply. thing is i dont feel that we will make it past november... Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted September 30, 2016 Share Posted September 30, 2016 How far are you from each other? And how often do you meet up? Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted September 30, 2016 Share Posted September 30, 2016 What's significant about November? Link to post Share on other sites
Author thomas123 Posted October 1, 2016 Author Share Posted October 1, 2016 What's significant about November? nothing i just dont think we will make it till then Link to post Share on other sites
Author thomas123 Posted October 1, 2016 Author Share Posted October 1, 2016 How far are you from each other? And how often do you meet up? 5 hour drive, every 2 weeks she comes home, and during the summer/winter break + 2 1 week breaks she comes home too. Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted October 1, 2016 Share Posted October 1, 2016 5 hour drive, every 2 weeks she comes home, and during the summer/winter break + 2 1 week breaks she comes home too. And how often do you go visit her? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author thomas123 Posted October 1, 2016 Author Share Posted October 1, 2016 And how often do you go visit her? as in at her university? Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted October 1, 2016 Share Posted October 1, 2016 as in at her university? Yes, how often do you do the 5 hour drive to visit her? Link to post Share on other sites
Author thomas123 Posted October 1, 2016 Author Share Posted October 1, 2016 Yes, how often do you do the 5 hour drive to visit her? maybe once a month, depends on if i have a car available. its more convenient when shes back home tho. since she technically lives in my city. Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted October 1, 2016 Share Posted October 1, 2016 its more convenient when shes back home No kidding. It's even more convenient if she shows up at your door and you don't even have to go to her house... Maybe she's fine with everything, but consider that she might start pondering. And a girl usually wants someone who will go out of their way for her. Forewarned is forearmed. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author thomas123 Posted October 1, 2016 Author Share Posted October 1, 2016 No kidding. It's even more convenient if she shows up at your door and you don't even have to go to her house... Maybe she's fine with everything, but consider that she might start pondering. And a girl usually wants someone who will go out of their way for her. Forewarned is forearmed. i mean i have work and studies to do as well so i have to also be free. either way, 2 months ago she asked to play this game we havent in awhile, i had to spend hours to set it up and even spend money on it only to have her not "feel it" right now. Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted October 2, 2016 Share Posted October 2, 2016 No kidding. It's even more convenient if she shows up at your door and you don't even have to go to her house... Maybe she's fine with everything, but consider that she might start pondering. And a girl usually wants someone who will go out of their way for her. Forewarned is forearmed. Agreed. OP, buying a game and setting it up doesn't equate to her driving back to see you every two weeks. She might be doing as I said earlier or she might be starting to let you down gently so be prepared. Link to post Share on other sites
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