What am I doing??

[justtosayitoutloud]

Plain facts, and I just really need to write this down because I'm going in circles in my head.

Met my bf a year ago when I was visiting his city. He's incredible, thoughtful, funny, kind, and I have been crazy about him from our first date. We live across the country but we've made it work with long visits and emails, phone calls, face time, the works. Now I've made the decision to move there and I'm so sad and scared and desperately unsure that I'm making the right choice and I have two weeks before the move.

 

For context, I'm in my 30s and I love my life, I love the city I live in and I have an incredible group of friends that are going to feel like a limb is being chopped off to leave behind. I truly felt like nothing was missing when I met my bf. But he is incredible, and I felt, when I made the choice to move, that I needed to go all in because he is worth it and what we have is worth it.

 

So here's the bad part of the story, the part I need to write down because it feels so awful and I need a slap in the face to set me right.

 

I think because I'm so unbelievably sad to be leaving, I allowed an attraction to another guy, one who lives here and I met only recently, to grow too much. Nothing has happened beyond mild flirtation and texting, but it should have stayed a casual friendly acquaintance, and I let it be more. I wanted it to be more. I know I could have shut it down, and he knows I'm in a committed ldr. I would never cheat, but I don't get what I'm doing. Am I trying to ruin this wonderful thing I have with my bf? Am I trying to make up reasons why I should stay?

 

Has anyone experienced this? Why does moving hurt so much? Someone tell me I'm being an idiot, that I should delete this attractive man's number and get over myself and move despite how painful it is.

[Lois_Griffin]

I won't even move to the next STATE for a guy, much less across the country.

 

Obviously, fantasy was better than reality for you. Of course you're trying to find reasons to stay.

 

I'd seriously re-think this move you're going to make.

[lazcas]

If you really wanted to move you wouldn't feel that way. Don't do it if it doesn't feel good, you would end up regretting it, more if the relationship doesn't end up being as you have fantasized. Fantasies are usually way better than reality. The fact that you were open to flirt with another man speaks volumes.

[coolheadal]

Never move to someone you hardly know. Plus if you have great man in your life why risk things on a dream man. If you don't like what you have now then dump him why put him into your web of other dream plans. It's so hard for people to know what they want out of life. Love is a why to bring peace to your heart but it can also destroy that peace you have now. No matter what the other man tells you I would never pull up steaks to leave for another woman until I got to know her a few years. See how they really are after a few months to a year or more. Just don't know today if they're normal or crazy. If crazy stay away. If you marry a crazy person you're in for one hell of ride down the path of no return.