Too fast telling him how I feel and what I want?

[Hello hello]

I know this guy for many years, cause twice a year I stay in the hotel in Greece where he works. He is in his early fourties, very shy and unexperienced with women, but he is a very sweet man and always very nice to me, and his colleagues have told me he has liked me for quite a while. He hardly speaks English, but I am learning Greek for 2 years now, so we talk in Greek, although my Greek is not great yet. By the way, I live in a European country too.

 

In January we started chatting on Facebook almost every day, and he told me that he likes me and that he misses me and wants to be with me. In May I spent my holiday in the hotel again, but unfortunately he was very busy, and maybe too shy again to take the initiative, so we’ve only seen and talked to each other during his work. Only on my last night we said goodbye outside the hotel and then we kissed for the first time. I would come back four months later.

 

When I came home, I realized that there was more between us, but that we didn’t have a chance to see each other. So I asked him if he would like me to come earlier, and he said he would. So I booked a week in a hotel near ‘his’ hotel two months later, so it would be easier to see each other.

 

The first night I was there, he came to my hotel after work, and we had our first real date in a taverna nearby. When he dropped me off at my hotel, we kissed and the next evening he came to my hotel again, but then we spent about 1,5 hours in my room on my balcony. We were talking, kissing and cuddling all the time, and it felt very easy and comfortable together. Most of the evenings he came to my hotel after he finished work, but he never stayed the night, as he had to work early again in the mornings. Some nights we ended up on my bed, but we never went all the way yet. We didn’t talk about the future yet and where it would go. He asked me not to mention us seeing each other to his colleagues, as it is not appropriate that a staff member and a guest are seeing each other, and there is a lot of gossiping in the hotel.

 

A couple of days after I came home, I asked him if he was serious about me. He said he really was, but that he needed some time to think, what I completely understood, as the situation is not ideal (distance, language, totally different lives, etc.) and there is a lot of things to think about, also for me. We still chatted often, but I felt he was more distant, although he never talks easily about his feelings. Once we had not been in touch for about 1,5 weeks, because his phone was broken, but he told his best friend to let me know this.

 

I didn’t want to put pressure on him, but last week I told him myself what I would want with us. So I told him I would like to try with him, cause I’m in love with him and really enjoy being with him. He said that we will talk about it when I am there again in a few weeks. I think that I surprised him too much with my ‘confession’, maybe I was too direct, and he is not used to that. Since then we talk sometimes, but it is harder to get in touch with him. I know he still is very busy at work, as he works from very early till very late, but still I think he’s keeping some distance now.

 

As this was only the first time that we really spent time together and we’ve been this intimate, I might have been too fast telling him how I feel and what I would want with us. As he is a very shy person and not experienced with women, I think I should have give it more time and see where we are in a couple of weeks, when I’ll be there again. So I try to give him more space now and try not to contact him too often, but it is very difficult, I miss him and want to know what he is thinking.

Edited September 6, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
spacing ~6

[TMichaels]

He's married. Move on.

 

Best,

TMichaels

[ExpatInItaly]

He's married. Move on.

 

Best,

TMichaels

 

I wondered that, too.

 

How do you two communicate, OP? Is it a phone call, a text conversation, FaceTime?

 

While I can understand him not wanting colleagues knowing you two have been dating if it is against staff policy, I do find it a bit odd you only speak during his work hours and he never stayed the night.

[Lois_Griffin]

He asked me not to mention us seeing each other to his colleagues, as it is not appropriate that a staff member and a guest are seeing each other, and there is a lot of gossiping in the hotel.

LOL.

 

You didn't even STAY at the hotel Romeo works at this last time, so why all the cloak and dagger nonsense?

 

He's got something to hide alright. And that's probably a wife or serious girlfriend.

[Hello hello]

First of all, he is definitely not married and has no girlfriend. As I said, I've been visiting the hotel for 10 years now, and he works there for 8 years, and his colleagues, many of them are friends of mine, told me that he is single and has never had a serious relationship before. He still lives with his mum, in Greece it is not extraordinary that unmarried men live with their parents.

The reason I stayed in another hotel this summer was, that the hotel where he works and where I normally stay, is very expensive in high season, and I thought it was easier for us to meet each other when I stayed in another hotel. But I still did visit 'his' hotel often, and I saw him there and spoke to him shortly while he was working.

As I said before, in the high season he always works very long hours, often 15 hours a day, so I was glad that he came to see me after work late at night for a couple of hours, although he sometimes was very tired. As you might understand, he also needed some time to sleep, at home. That's why he didn't stay all night. But in a couple of weeks I will stay in 'his' hotel again, as I usually stay there with an organized group of friends, so I think it will be more difficult to meet up, cause he doesn't want to risk his job, by visiting me in my room. A few of my closest friends in the hotel know about us seeing each other, but they already knew before that we liked each other.

We communicate through facebook chat and text messages. We have tried phone calls too, but it is still quite difficult for me to have a Greek conversation with him over the phone, as I am only learning this language for 2 years now. It is easier for me to write and to speak face to face. And when I'm back home, we always speak outside his work hours, because he is very busy. In the winter months, when he is not that busy, we talk on different times during day and night.

I don't think he really has something to 'hide', but as I said, he is very shy and inexperienced with women, and understandably we both have our doubts about a future together and where we will go from here. But I really like him and want to try with him and I am pretty sure he has strong feelings for me too.

Edited September 7, 2016 by Hello hello

[ExpatInItaly]

It seems like this is all a lot of work over a long period of time for someone who you're not even sure has deeper romantic feelings for you, and who lives in a foreign country.

 

Add to that his lack of relationship experience and the fact he won't even so much as spend the night with you (he is a grown man after all) you've got your work cut out for you. This will not be an easy ride.

 

I think it's best to give him space and let him come to you to initiate a conversation when you see him. But I wouldn't get your hopes too high at this point. The logistics are going to be difficult to navigate, unfortunately.