Long distance relationship problem

[lucidliving]

My boyfriend and I have been together 4months. we met when he was in my city on vacation. we've seen each other 1 or 2 times a month since then. I felt completely in love the first 3 1/2 months but have been feeling very off about things lately. We text back and fourth during the day, some days more than others, and talk on the phone once a week. I'm a very compassionate person. When I love someone I tell them all the time, want to cuddle and be around them. He is not a very cuddly/affectionate person (which I should have seen as a red flag). He used to be so sweet and lovey, I guess he has gotten comfortable now bc he's not like that anymore. He still tells me he loves me but we express our love differently. We have talked about me moving up to where he lives but I don't think I'm ready to leave my area anytime soon. and he can't move bc of his job. Basically I really love him but don't feel that I am getting what I need/want out of the relationship, and I don't know that I can do the distance for a year or however long it may be. I'm afraid if I break up with him ill be making a mistake and regret it. but I'm not happy right now. I have no idea what to do? I don't know how to talk to him about this.

 

 

 

 

Also, I've been friends with a guy that lives in my area for the last few years. we always felt something for each other but for one reason or another never got together. he has been contacting me a lot these last few months asking for a real chance, talking to me as a friend, etc. he knows I am in a LDR right now. I am attracted and feel something for this other guy. which is only making my current relationship even more difficult. right now I can't stand the thought of breaking up with my boyfriend, but I cant stand the thought of not pursuing this other guy either. I'm extremely confused and don't know what I want. friends are telling me to "go with my gut" but to be honest I don't know what its telling me to do. Anyone been in a situation like this before? Any advice?

[basil67]

Just end it. It's only been four months and you're clearly unhappy. Add the fact that you're not ready to move and that LDRs are rubbish...just rip that sticking plaster off and be done with it.

[hippychick3]

I would end it now and allow things to develop with the guy who is local.

 

Long distance is hard enough with 2 people who are madly in love and getting what they need. If there are problems this early in the relationship in the "honeymoon stage," it's unlikely to work out. It will just be a roller coaster ride for you as you get more and more invested.

[Jon Mill]

I agree with what has been said here. Only four months in and you're already having problems. Even if you don't end it now, you're going to drift away anyway

[justwhoiam]

I really love him

I can't stand the thought of breaking up with my boyfriend, but I cant stand the thought of not pursuing this other guy either.

Any advice?

I guess you're not in love with your current boyfriend. My advice is to be honest with him and just tell him your feelings faded and you prefer to be alone right now. Then you tell the other guy you need some time alone and to please stop messaging/calling (whatever) for some time, at least a couple of months.

 

After the time alone, see if "your friend" (aka the other guy) still remembers about you and resumes contact with you. If he does, then you might go on date with him. If he doesn't respect your wish to be alone, then just stop answering his texts.

 

Use time alone to see what you really want and need, and to understand what being in a couple means, keeping in mind that love should never be selfish, among other things.