Getting in contact after 2 years

[randall]

Hi everyone,

 

I met a girl online a few years ago (in a game) and for about a 1.5 years we got along really well.

 

For a long while we were almost inseparable. To give you an idea of how much time we spent together, I had almost 3000 hours logged during that time. Some days we'd play online for hours and after we finished we'd just sit in a private channel (on voice comms) and talk about random stuff until we were tired.

 

Unfortunately there were also a lot of issues, on both our sides. I won't go into details but I personally blame myself more than her. Another problem was it got to the point where other people started interfering as well. She virtually stopped talking to me in the game and I ended up avoiding her because she was always hanging out with another girl who was just plain rude to me (always blaming me for everything and encouraging my friend to treat me very poorly).

 

In the end I got tired of being stressed all the time and logged off one night and never returned to the game. We haven't spoken at all in almost 2 years now but I miss her. Yesterday I logged on for the first time in 2 years to try and say hi. But everyone told me that a few days after I disappeared she stopped playing completely as well. They said she never returned either.

 

I feel sad that we parted on such bad terms.

 

The reason I'm reluctant to email is because near the end she actually told me a few times that she was physically in pain sometimes because of how she felt. We also have each others emails and I feel that if she had wanted to talk to me she would've emailed me.

 

If you were a girl in this situation would you prefer a guy not contact you again after all this time?

Edited August 29, 2016 by randall
Fixed grammar

[justwhoiam]

If you were a girl in this situation would you prefer a guy not contact you again after all this time?

If the contact were discreet, I guess I'd love to hear back. Though I would hardly admit to such a thing.

[randall]

Thank you for the reply. I guess 'discreet' would mean something short and simple if I were to say hi again.

 

I thought about it a little last night and was thinking it was best not to try and contact her. However I read what you wrote and I'll think it over a bit more.

[Gr8fuln2020]

I'm sorry, but I get the impression that you have never met IN PERSON. Is that so?

[randall]

We've never met in person. But we used to talk online all the time with voice chat (ts, vent, skype). If you were wondering if we've seen each other, then yes we've exchanged pics and used to see each other on Skype a lot.

[privategal]

Reach out and make peace. If it ended badly and that bothers you, say so.

Extend an olive branch and apologize and you and likely her too will feel better.

But do remember the same issues will probably still exist like distance and misunderstandings. So this time, if she is open to friendship, keep it light and not so all consuming. Don't fall into the same patterns.

There's so much life to be lived in the real world, sunsets, beaches, changing seasons, concerts, meeting real life friends, festivals, just....life.

I feel you miss all that when you spend hours online each day in isolation. I don't think it's healthy and prevents you from experiencing so much more.

[randall]

Thanks for the input privategal

 

When I posted about how many hours I spent online it probably gave the wrong impression. I spent that time playing because I enjoyed the game and talking with her, but I don't feel I was ever consumed by it.

 

I've always thought my real life situation was ok. I work a full-time job and have plenty of holidays. I also go out for lunch at least 2 or 3 times every week just to catch up with different people, both male and female. And maybe dinner and a movie with rl friends every week as well.

 

I mostly miss talking to her but I don't think we could go back to that anyway.

[angel.eyes]

So, 3000 hours over 1.5 years and neither of you could make the effort to meet in person? Then it ends badly. And now after two years of ignoring each other, you want to try and restart the "relationship?"

 

Very interesting that you completely gloss over your fundamental problems with her:

 

Unfortunately there were also a lot of issues, on both our sides. I won't go into details but I personally blame myself more than her. Another problem was it got to the point where other people started interfering as well. She virtually stopped talking to me in the game and I ended up avoiding her because she was always hanging out with another girl who was just plain rude to me (always blaming me for everything and encouraging my friend to treat me very poorly).

 

What were these issues? Why would you think they have now disappeared? Things must have gotten pretty bad from her perspective if she refused to stop talking to you. The whole thing seems to have been dysfunctional.

 

I'm guessing you're dissatisfied with a lack of close connection in your life right now or frustrated by not meeting someone special in real life. So you're waxing nostalgic and revisiting old possibilities and fantasies (which this was, since you never actually met or got to know each other outside that virtual context). Don't waste your time!

 

Move forward. This is not a past you should revisit. It holds nothing positive for you. Just additional disappointment when the fantasy in your head doesn't match up with the real her or her reaction to you.

Edited August 30, 2016 by angel.eyes

[randall]

So, 3000 hours over 1.5 years and neither of you could make the effort to meet in person? Then it ends badly. And now after two years of ignoring each other, you want to try and restart the "relationship?"

 

I think you misunderstand. We had a lot of fun talking and playing online. I wasn't interested in some real life meeting.

 

 

What were these issues? Why would you think they have now disappeared?

I'd prefer not to post those publicly as they may give too much details as to who I am (I'm very private). I'll send you a PM with some info on what the issues were.

[justwhoiam]

Resuming contact after 2 years and after what happened, it's a tricky thing.

 

Should you do that, I strongly advise you not to write to her as if nothing had happened, just throwing a "hi" out there. That would be stupid to me, if I received that. The receiver might be resentful because of what happened.

 

When I mentioned discreet, I meant "respectful" and that's all-encompassing.

Discreet would be:

- private (through a private means like an e-mail or a private message)

- low-key (no "I'm doing great" nor "I've been depressed", not to mention "I've missed you so much" and such)

- acknowledging the past without blaming (it'd be wrong to act as if nothing had ever happened, and it'd be wrong to dredge up old stuff or rehash)

 

It could be something along these lines (feel free to rephrase as English is not my native language):

 

Hi [hername],

 

I've been wondering if everything's well with you. I've been wondering for quite some time now, and I'd be grateful to hear back from you. I know I can't change the past, but maybe make it less hurtful.

 

Best,

 

[yourname]

 

By the way, you were logged on for like 7-hours a day constantly, monday to sunday, all year long. I guess you were not playing all that time?

Edited September 3, 2016 by justwhoiam

[randall]

By the way, you were logged on for like 7-hours a day constantly, monday to sunday, all year long. I guess you were not playing all that time?

 

Thanks for the nice input justwhoiam. If I contacted her I was intending to write something similar to what you suggested. I have no intention of trying to write anything more than one or two lines at most. But I think I'm starting to lean towards not contacting her. I don't know if I'd be comfortable if someone contacted me out of the blue after two years.

 

And yes, I was on that much. Although not always playing, sometimes I was off doing other stuff so it's not fully representative. These days I barely log on at all, maybe for a couple of hours on a weekend.