Clingy family

[Little Bird]

My SO moved away over a year ago for work to another country, and so we only get to see each other for an average of 4 days every two months. Neither of us get much vacation time off work, so we really have to spread it out, which is why we only have visits during long weekend holidays.

 

His family live about a few hours drive from where I live, and when he has come to visit me, he also only manages enough time off work to fly in, see me for a day, then we drive out to his family (mom, dad, siblings) to see them for a day or two, and then we spend a day alone together again before he flies out.

 

Every time he has come to visit, his mom in particular immediately asks us to drive out right away, not considering the fact that he and I would want some alone time. She basically acts as if we're not in a long distance relationship and only cares about how much she misses him and wants to see him, irregardless of his own personal time with me.

 

Now I do like his family, and enjoy spending time with them, but when you haven't seen your boyfriend for months, you will want to have at least a day alone together before spending it with a whole bunch of other people.

 

One time he visited it was for Valentine's day and the minute he arrived in town, his mom wanted us to drive out to see her right away, basically asking us to spend our Valentine's evening driving several hours and then spending it with his mom and dad? We were going to drive out, just the next day, but she was impatient to see us right away.

 

This happens every time he has visited, and it annoys me, because he does allot time to see his family during the visits, but he and I both also want a day or two alone given the fact we went months without seeing each other.

 

He finds it annoying too but we don't say anything about it to his mom. He's always said, "we're having special alone time, but we will see you tomorrow". I get the sense from his mom's reaction that she would prefer it if we saw her right away, because she misses him, but all I can tell myself that this will be less annoying when we are no longer long distance (in a few months!), and our alone time won't be so precious.

 

I don't think I need to do anything about it, but would anyone handle this in a different way? Is this weird behaviour or just normal? I know moms will be moms and they'll always miss their children. My parents are very unemotional and not affectionate, so maybe that's why I'm not used to this.

Edited August 21, 2016 by Little Bird

[Els]

How old are you and your SO, and what culture is he from? In some cultures, what his mother is expecting is fairly normal. Not saying you need to give in to everything they want, just saying that his family might not necessarily be more 'clingy' than the norm.

 

Anyway, I think he seems to already be setting his boundaries, given that he told his mother he would see her tomorrow regardless of what she wanted? That sounds acceptable to me. He can't control her actions, but he is controlling his response to it and not giving in to her every whim, so that's good.

 

Personally I wouldn't handle things differently especially since it's just a few months more of this, but I empathize. Regardless of whether or not it is 'normal', it must certainly be tough having to try to compromise with them.

[Little Bird]

I'm 32 and my SO is 33. His mom and the rest of his family are caucasian and Christian. I guess it makes me feel awkward when he visits and his mom misses him and is basically asking him to give up his alone time with me to spend all of his time with her and his family. I think it must have to do with how close they are as a family.