shadowsfall Posted July 29, 2016 Share Posted July 29, 2016 I've been talking to a woman from another country for a few months now. Despite the time zone and cultural differences, things have progressed fairly quickly between us. She has recently professed her love for me, always expresses nice sentiments, and wants us to meet up soon. I definitely feel the same way, however I've noticed a change in her behavior lately that has thrown me off. She has had family staying with her for the past several weeks. I told her before they arrived that I would probably be contacting her less out of respect for her family. She insisted that I keep contacting her regularly despite them being there. Up until they arrived, our contact was frequent and usually long substantive texting/calls. However after they arrived, she has definitely been less chatty through text and hard-pressed to make the 'usual' time for our calls. We are still doing those things, just to a much lesser extent. My question is - where is the line between being genuinely busy and being uninterested? I was always of the mindset that if you are REALLY interested in someone, you will make time and prioritize them highly. In fairness she does still use terms of endearment and as of yesterday remarked as to what a great dad I would make one day and told me that she missed me. Yet several times recently she has just abruptly stopped texting me, mid conversation. That happened tonight. This is out of character for her. This hot/cold behavior is torturing me. To complicate things further, this situation has caused me to react needy out of fear that I'm losing her. Therefore, I initiate most text sessions and put more effort into them and spend so much time over-analyzing things. So, I'm confused whether she is truly busy (assuming family is a valid excuse for diminished communication) or whether she could be losing interest in me. I also know that if I'm too available to her that she could take me for granted and only contact me on her terms. It's all so confusing. Any input would be greatly welcomed! Link to post Share on other sites
heartfeltlove Posted July 30, 2016 Share Posted July 30, 2016 I've been talking to a woman from another country for a few months now. Despite the time zone and cultural differences, things have progressed fairly quickly between us. She has recently professed her love for me, always expresses nice sentiments, and wants us to meet up soon. I definitely feel the same way, however I've noticed a change in her behavior lately that has thrown me off. She has had family staying with her for the past several weeks. I told her before they arrived that I would probably be contacting her less out of respect for her family. She insisted that I keep contacting her regularly despite them being there. Up until they arrived, our contact was frequent and usually long substantive texting/calls. However after they arrived, she has definitely been less chatty through text and hard-pressed to make the 'usual' time for our calls. We are still doing those things, just to a much lesser extent. My question is - where is the line between being genuinely busy and being uninterested? I was always of the mindset that if you are REALLY interested in someone, you will make time and prioritize them highly. In fairness she does still use terms of endearment and as of yesterday remarked as to what a great dad I would make one day and told me that she missed me. Yet several times recently she has just abruptly stopped texting me, mid conversation. That happened tonight. This is out of character for her. This hot/cold behavior is torturing me. To complicate things further, this situation has caused me to react needy out of fear that I'm losing her. Therefore, I initiate most text sessions and put more effort into them and spend so much time over-analyzing things. So, I'm confused whether she is truly busy (assuming family is a valid excuse for diminished communication) or whether she could be losing interest in me. I also know that if I'm too available to her that she could take me for granted and only contact me on her terms. It's all so confusing. Any input would be greatly welcomed! How long is her family staying? It could be her family's proximity is cramping her style, and she knew it would. However she didn't want to lose you by perhaps naturally appearing less keen, so urged you to keep contacting her. But there has to be some positive encouragement.. I would try to cool it from your end, and contact her less, until her family leaves, then see whether her interest levels go up to what they previously were. If she still remains cool, aloof and distant, I think you need to revise your opinion of just how strong this connection is. Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted July 30, 2016 Share Posted July 30, 2016 When you strip all the flowery, sugary layers away from it all, you're really nothing more than just pen pals. You've never met, you live far away from each other, and the only thing you have in common is a computer connection. Seriously, if the internet broke tomorrow, your 'relationship' would cease to exist. Really, who knows if it's actually 'family' whose visiting or if her husband came back from being out of the country for a couple of months. The truth is, you DON'T know. You only know what she WANTS you to know. Never forget that. You've invested WAY too much of yourself in what really amounts to nothing more than a fantasy. Sorry, but it's the cold reality of the situation. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
heartfeltlove Posted July 30, 2016 Share Posted July 30, 2016 I never thought of that ^^ See, that's always my problem. I trust people are telling the truth, too much. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 I've been talking to a woman from another country for a few months now. What country? Despite the time zone and cultural differences Can you share more details on any of that? She has recently professed her love for me, always expresses nice sentiments, and wants us to meet up soon. Have you talked about meeting up? Would she come to you or would you fly to her? What's her financial situation? She has had family staying with her for the past several weeks. She must have a large house I assume? Did she mention how long they'd be staying? Is she working while they're at home? Or did she take time off work? Or does she even have a job? where is the line between being genuinely busy and being uninterested? Well, if it were me I'd be looking forward to them leaving already... I mean I enjoy the company and everything, but too many guests at home for several weeks in a row, where on top of everything I should still work, take care of the house, doing laundry for everybody and cook for everyone lunch and dinner... honestly would dry up all my energies, and I would end up looking forward to the end of it. I have my limits. So, in short, when someone gets exhausted, they just need some rest, and you'd be there to provide it, hopefully. Even if you can't cuddle and hug, etc. you can still be her rock. several times recently she has just abruptly stopped texting me, mid conversation. Was she in bed? Maybe she fell asleep exhausted. Was family around when she would talk to you? Or was she always doing it away from them? In this case, you'd be the invisible man.... it can be OK, if she's just being protective of something new, but it can also be bad as she could really have other things going on or someone in her bed. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted August 1, 2016 Share Posted August 1, 2016 Texting is a generally informal way of communicating, it's pretty normal for one person or the other to stop eventually, otherwise you'd spend the entire day texting! Do the two of you touch base at least once a day? If so, I don't think you have anything to worry about on the texting front. When do the two of you plan to meet IRL? This can't carry on indefinitely, you need to meet up to establish a real relationship and decide if you both like each other IRL. It's not sustainable otherwise. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JohnFDoe Posted August 12, 2016 Share Posted August 12, 2016 Not to get off topic or anything, but I have to throw this out there.... If you've never met and you're just messaging eachother, how do you know she is a she........ 2 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted August 12, 2016 Share Posted August 12, 2016 (edited) Shadowsfall, do you have any dating experience or trouble getting a relationship in real life? I totally understand that when one finds themselves so lonely it is so easy to get emotionally involved at such intensity, you lose all concept of reality. All commonsense goes flying out the window, making you paranoid, and messed up. I see this is where you are at. Even tho you have been so memorized by the experience, I tell you this, nothing good ever comes from situations like these. We here have seen it time and time again. Things get overlooked like Relocating, having to get a job, supporting that person financially, leaving friends and family behind, adjusting to a different culture, getting settled only to find out things are going sour, etc. You need a good dose of reality, there are many things you need to consider before you get invested. Edited August 12, 2016 by smackie9 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted August 12, 2016 Share Posted August 12, 2016 Ahhh damn it, I should have looked at the date. This is over 2 weeks old and OP posted and dashed. This fails. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
NTV Posted August 12, 2016 Share Posted August 12, 2016 That was some pretty good advice though maybe somebody else in a similar situation will read this and take it. Link to post Share on other sites
clmckenzie Posted August 14, 2016 Share Posted August 14, 2016 I deff think you are overthinking this. she said she was going to be with family. You can't expect that she can be texting you as if they don't exist. Just relax a little. Link to post Share on other sites
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