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Am I right about feeling like his plan B?


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Hi. There's this guy coming with his group from another country to my city for training during this week.[We first met 3 months ago, while chatting a lot via whatsapp] We had agreed to spend more time together, but it seems that over the last three days he has prioritized his group (or somebody else?),making me feel like his plan B although we met twice..

 

Furthermore, I amicably invited him twice to my home, but refused - first time, saying he had to get some things ready early for the following day, which I understand. Yesterday, even though invited at noon, he replies saying "I don't know yet." then, when asked for confirmation by me, in the evening, he responds later uttering something like: "Uff, I have to go out of town to a small party organized by some colleagues of mine :-("

 

I told him that nobody is forced to do anything outside working hours, and that I was displeased for not letting me know in time, and feeling like his plan B over these 3 days. He said he didn't understand my message but I told him I was clear enough cutting all contact.

 

Do I have a point here, or am I overreacting? Thanks.

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ExpatInItaly

You're not over-reacting. He's got something else going on and has already declined your invitation to stay with you. Sorry, but I think he sees you as just a friend.

 

My instinct says he's seeing someone but doesn't have the stones to come out and say so.

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Have you been out of town for work training? I have, and there are often activities planned every evening for coworker bonding. While it isn't technically a requirement to attend, it is often frowned upon not to. I don't know what kind of business he's in, but establishing relationships in a more casual setting can be very important for future career growth.

 

So yes, I think you are overreacting and being somewhat unreasonable. That said, I also agree you are his plan B. His training and work is plan A. There is nothing wrong with you wanting more notice from him if he can't get together. If I were you, I would make other plans and go about my life and wait for him to reach out to you when or if he has time. If you want a trip where you are his plan A, don't try to incorporate a visit when he is there for other, more important, reasons.

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