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Nontraditional LDR


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costaricagirl

Hi everyone!

 

I've never posted in a forum like this... anyway, here's my story:

 

First of all, I have always had horrible luck dating. I'm picky or go for the wrong guy or make silly choices like thinking a hook up will lead to something more.

 

So I was volunteering in Costa Rica and one night meet a guy. He asks to go on a date even though he knows I am leaving in a couple weeks, so I assume he's one of THOSE guys. We go out together and it's amazing. We see each other a few times and we have amazing chemistry - we did not even "hook up". Just a lot of kissing. so when I leave we are really sad because we know we would have tried dating if I were there longer and we said we'd keep in touch but it would inevitably fade....

 

Not really. We texted and he asked me to skype a few weeks later. I was a bit nervous but said ok. It was a long, amazing call. We kept skyping then noticed we weren't willing to see people where we were. We called our skype sessions "dates". A couple months in and we decided to be official. I only agreed to this knowing he was serious about visiting me in NYC

 

It has been absolutely amazing. I never though I would meet someone THIS perfect for me. He and I are so compatible, he's now my best friend, he was so supportive as I had an incredibly stressful semester (MCAT), and my family met him over skype and adored him. I trust him completely and he trusts me. I've never felt so confident about something, and this is coming from someone who overthinks/has had terrible luck with guys.

 

At this point, we even talk about marriage. It seems like a stretch but it was worth discussing because we are, in a sense, making a sacrifice. Because we've gotten to be so close and comfortable with each other, we've actually tried theorizing what would break us apart. I know it sounds like we're just loopy in love, but we only get this lovey dovey every once in a while. Our relationship is also emotional, intellectual, and we know about each other's friends/lives/families.

 

Anyway, I have really struggled with the stigmas, assumptions, concerns from people... I want to know if anyone has had an experience like this, because I know it's rare to declare an ldr AFTER saying goodbye. I'm a very realistic, somewhat pessimistic person, but I for some reason feel so hopeful. I'd love any input. Thanks :)

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Is it possible you met your "soulmate" and that this is going to lead to marriage and a lifetime of happiness? Sure! It happens!

 

Is it possible your friends and family are right and that this is strange and scary and you should be careful? Yes. It happens that people are "tricked" into LDRs and then used as well. Listen to what they say. Weigh what they say against logic/your HEAD, not your heart. Consider it carefully rather than getting defensive.

 

Is it possible you are liking this guy, but filling in what you DON'T know with all good positive stuff? Assigning all your fantasies and dreams to him, even though he's done nothing to really prove himself yet? Yes.

 

Remember that what he has told you about himself, his life, and his family COULD be true. Or it COULD be a lie. It's possible.

 

Just go forward slowly. Keep getting to know him. Keep having visits whenever you can. Pay attention to red flags. Keep your head and heart in balance. And see what happens!

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You are lucky to have found someone with whom you can have a good relationship, that is very rare to happen, most people never experience it. . Your story with your guy is very nice. . Don't let him go!

Best of luck

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costaricagirl
Is it possible you met your "soulmate" and that this is going to lead to marriage and a lifetime of happiness? Sure! It happens!

 

Is it possible your friends and family are right and that this is strange and scary and you should be careful? Yes. It happens that people are "tricked" into LDRs and then used as well. Listen to what they say. Weigh what they say against logic/your HEAD, not your heart. Consider it carefully rather than getting defensive.

 

Is it possible you are liking this guy, but filling in what you DON'T know with all good positive stuff? Assigning all your fantasies and dreams to him, even though he's done nothing to really prove himself yet? Yes.

 

Remember that what he has told you about himself, his life, and his family COULD be true. Or it COULD be a lie. It's possible.

 

Just go forward slowly. Keep getting to know him. Keep having visits whenever you can. Pay attention to red flags. Keep your head and heart in balance. And see what happens!

 

Thanks girl... I like your skepticism - I totally feel you! I wanted to touch on your comment about being blind to flaws. Not to sound even more defensive, but we actually have dealt with issues so elegantly. We are so communicative, and I have even pointed out frustrations of mine which is generally very hard for me to do, but I trust him enough and he's always responded maturely and we've grown as a result. He is certainly not perfect :laugh: neither am I but we're very open about these things. I'm still open to hearing people's input but I wanted to reassure readers I am very well aware of his imperfections ;)

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  • 1 month later...
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costaricagirl

Thanks for all the support! We just spent two amazing weeks together...our first time seeing each other since we decided to be together. The love is real and we feel good about our relationship More than good. There is hope! So glad I stuck it out and did not listen to the doubts/warnings/judgments. Thanks for your support all!!:love::p:laugh::D

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