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So, I met this girl online. She seems to be into me and we're planning to meet each other soon.

The problem and I'll say it directly: I'm 26, but I've never been in a relationship before.

She told me she wants to know more about my past and she kinda hinted that she means about my past relationships. She wasn't very direct about her past relationships either, but she said she's been through a breakup recently.

So, how and when should I tell her? Is it such a bad thing for a woman to find out something like this? I'm afraid she'll be disappointed and run away , but not telling her doesn't help, I know. I just can't seem to know how and when.

Should i tell her before I meet her? After? Will she see it like a bad thing?

 

I'm not so sure she'll understand though... she actually told me it happened to her before to ask someone about their past and then prefer she never asked because she didn't like what she heard.

I like her and for me it's all that matters but of course for her it might not be.

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When it comes up, why not just say "I've never been in a serious relationship" and leave it at that, for the time being?

 

It sounds like this will be your first meet-up which, if all goes well, may lead to a first date. That is all the information (at this point) that is necessary. And, it's true: you have never been in a serious relationship.

 

You've been in "relationships" all your life: with your family members, with neighbors, with school mates...hell, with the store clerk at your local 7-11; every encounter is a "relationship" - some just last longer - and take on deeper (and different) significance than others.

 

You didn't write you're still a virgin; even if you haven't had sex before, that's not really something that is necessary to discuss at a first-meet or on a first date. I suspect her disappointment with a previous guy's relationship past was finding out that he'd had a lot - and that they were all pretty casual. If true, you'll be a breath of fresh air for her!

 

 

Best of luck, OP!

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Thank you very much for your answer , mrldii :)

Unfortunately, yes, I've never had sex before.. I could understand if she expects me to be more experienced in this matter considering my age..

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Some days ago I met this girl that I got to know over the internet (that I posted about before).

I think we both felt good, although maybe a little tense, but I guess it's normal.

Today we met again. Now I have 2 things that I don't know how to interpret.

 

First of all, the way she sees the fact we meet. Because we met online, does she want to see me just to get to know me better or she already wants me to do more? I've never met someone I got to know over the internet in real life before, so I don't know how I should proceed. I assume there's no magical number for how many times you should meet up with someone you've met online before actually doing something. The fact is that today while we were walking I told her that I like spending time with her a lot and I would like to see each other more often in the future. Based on her answer I was gonna hold her hand, but she answered something like 'I like seeing you too. I don't know, we'll talk and see'. So I kinda felt like she's not so sure about it and I didn't do anything. On the other hand, on her Facebook I see almost every day that she added a guy or two in her friend list, so I entered the profile of 2 or 3 of them and they are all single.. Could it be she's seeing not only me but other guys too and just tries to decide who's better for her? Because that would be weird in my opinion. Maybe I'm paranoid, but after all, the same way she met me she could meet other guys too.

 

Secondly, and this is more about me than her. After getting to know her better, I realize we might not be the best for each other.. For example, we are totally opposite when it comes to getting out. I know I get out too rarely , like once a week, but she goes out like 6 times a week and enjoys staying really really late. I could get used to getting out more often, but I'm not sure I could ever feel comfortable with her rhythm. Today I found out she's smoking (I'm not) and she likes to drink way more than I do. Also today, we were sitting on a bench and at some time she told me we should move because a baby was crying. She said she really doesn't like kids because they cry and vomit etc. I told her we were once kids too and she said it was our parents decision to have us. So am I right to assume she doesn't want kids? Because for me kids are really important, at least on a longer term.

 

Like I said in my previous post, I've never been in a relationship, so could it be we're not even fit for each other but I'm just trying to convince myself we are because I'm afraid if I let her go I'm never gonna meet someone else? I should add that most of the time we do get along very well, otherwise we wouldn't have met. But the above points make me think again about all of this.

 

Sorry for the long post, I just have a lot of doubts right now and unfortunately not so many people in real life that I could ask for an opinion..

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Ok, so I decided to have a more direct talk with this girl I'm seeing. Long story short, in my previous post I said I was having doubts about the reason we're meeting - we've met online, so does she want only to get to know me, is she waiting for me to do more? Also, another thing is that we have different views on a number of topics.

 

Now I'm not sure how to interpret what she said - maybe someone here could help me :)

 

She told me we're pretty different and she's starting to see it.

I asked her if this means anything.. should we not see each other anymore?

She said she likes my company, but doesn't want me to have too great expectations from her, because she's damaged.

I said I like her the way she is.

She said she's worried about the fact that I like her.

I said that I understand if she's worried in the sense that she only wants us to be friends, even if it's not what I want.

She said she just means that I deserve a prettier and better girl than her.

I said that this is my decision if I deserve a better girl.

She said that she likes me but she tries not to get emotionally involved, that she likes having me as a friend and doesn't want to destroy it with other stuff.

I told her that we should just see each other more and see what happens next.

She said she wants to see me again too, that she only wanted me to see her point of view and she's glad I'm not mad at her.

 

So, I think:

-either she meant what she said

-or she actually thinks we're too different and prefers a guy who's more like her, but maybe she didn't want to hurt me by saying it directly so this was her nice way of saying she only wants me as a friend

 

What do you think? And what would you do next?

I'd be really really thankful for any reply received...

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She definitely, certainly, absolutely, unambiguously, clearly, does not want to be your girlfriend, now or ever.

 

 

Take care.

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Thanks for your answer, Satu, I reallly appreciate your honesty if that is how you take her words.

I'm still not 100% sure this is what she meant though and it's not denial (I hope) but just my daily interactions with her. Still, your opinion and reading again our conversation make me think you might be right...

I'll just wait and see what happens next.

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OK, so things are clear now. This will be my last post here, but I don't know why, I feel like writing this still.

I met her on a dating website and that's why I assumed she was looking for someone.

She was actually coming after a recent breakup and she didn't want anything serious - to be more straightforward, she was looking for casual sex :D Because she suffered a lot and thought it's better to keep her feelings at a distance.

But then I started talking to her and she realized that she really likes talking to me. She didn't say, but I guess all the signs that she was giving me in the past weren't to tell me she wants a relationship, but she thought I wasn't looking for anything serious either. To state it differently, if I was looking for casual sex (considering my first post here, maybe it wouldn't have been that bad) I could have had it.

But after meeting me, she realized on one hand that she really likes me as a friend and on the other hand that she doesn't want to be more intimately involved with me, because I was looking for something more serious.

At least that's what she told me today and that she really really hopes we'll stay friends and see each other a lot of times in the future.

Maybe I'm making a fool of myself for posting this..

So yes, Satu, you were right.. I'm not sure about the 'ever' part , but of course I won't waste my time figuring out if she'll ever get over the 'nothing serious' phase, so I'll just move on.

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justwhoiam

I'm not sure if you did the right thing by not taking advantage of a girl wanting to have casual sex, considering you're still a virgin. Part of me says you should have, just to get it out of the way. But then, I'd be concerned for your health, as she's clearly sleeping around a lot and she labelled herself as "damaged". So you should probably stay clear for your own sake.

 

That said, I don't get how you were LD with this girl at any point? I mean how far?

 

Last but not least, don't give a @!!! if she wants to stay friends and meet you often as friends. You'd better not waste time going out with a girl who's not girlfriend material at this point. If you have any time in your hands, start dating. That means turning her down. Will you?

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justwhoiam

P.S. Regarding your doubts, you seem to have good intuition. Smoke = stay clear. Hates kids = stay clear. You're all fine! Now you just need to meet other girls :) And don't be scared. I once thought the same thing "What if I will never find anyone else??" (I was 18 and now being much older I see how silly that was!)

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