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I don't know why he ended the relationship


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Hello everyone,

 

My name is Maeve and i live in Canada. I use to date a men living in New York for 3 years, we met each other, and see each other in real life and live together for 5 months. He did break up with me in 2014 but start to date back in 2016.

 

I was ready to do everything he wanted. He was suppose to come visit me in June 2016.( He went back in New York because of his studies) In the end of April (tuesday) we got a really good night and everything was nice. Before to end the Skype call i ask him to join me on our online game tomorow. He told me yes, said he love me and wanted me in his life and then hang up.

 

Until then, alright, everything was fine.

 

The day after (wednesday), i waited for him to 5:30 pm to midnight pm, he did not came....So, i decided to call him. He answered and i scold him a little because i waited for him all night and he answer to me like he did not cared....that he found a new games and wanted to enjoy it alone....Ok alright, no problem, but he could have take 2 minutes to let me know that he wanted to enjoy his nigth alone instead of making me wait all night right?

 

So i hang up on him very upset of his lack of communication....Ok, maybe i should not have done that, but i worked all day wednesday and i could have relaxe on my own instead of wait for him in front of my computer screen....i think its a lack of respect from him.

 

the thursday, i try to call him back to apologize and he did not pick up.....it went like this until the sunday when he finaly log on our online game....I was upset and ask him what is going on, that i love him and so on....

 

i told him that i send him lot of love....

he told me *no thank you*

and then he told me *you need to learn to be submitiveness*...

i said *hey i am not a dog*

and then he said that we should not continue our Relationship

and he log off from the game.

the same night, he send me a message from the place he bought his ticket to come in canada in june....

 

the bus ticket is not refundable....

he try to cancel the ticket the friday, even before breaking up with me....

he did not even try to fix things with me....his decision was made....

he dare asking me to pay half for a refund to him.....

 

 

 

Ok let me put this straight....

i did a mistake yes.....

i try to apologize yes....

he try to cancel the ticket before breaking up with me

he break up with me without telling me why....

and then he dare asking me half refund of his ticket....

 

I am not perfect....but i think that i did not derserve such a treatment....

he do not talk to me anywhere except on games and yet, he talk only about the games and that's it.

 

I would like to get back my boyfriend but i dont know what to do. Its been 14 days and there is no improvement.....

 

i know for sure that he try to flirt on website, and he went on meeting to meet singles...but until now....(unless i am wrong) he did not get successful....(one of our friend keep me inform but she does not know why he decided to break up, he refuse to tell her).

 

i talk with 2 fortunes tellers....

 

one was negative, she said that i will never see him again and that he would not come in june....that she saw that he was in drugs, was selling drugs and he would end in jails.... (which its impossible because me and him hate drugs, and alcoolh....)

 

the other one told me that i would be back with him in 2 weeks (another week to wait and see) that he would come in june, that he will be successful at school and will become rich if he takes care of his money and that everything would be fine....

 

So, i cannot ask opinion to my friends and family....beside i need neutral advice....please no bad judgement, just advice of what i should do.

I would be most grateful

 

 

thank you to everyone who will answer me

 

Maeve

Edited by Maeve494
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Here's what you should do, Maeve.....Block all contact with this creep. Do not, I repeat, do not even consider; 1) Apologising to him, 2) Giving him money for his cancelled ticket, 3) Being a subservient twit, 4) Listening to flaky fortune tellers.

This guy is an ill-mannered creep and a small-minded chauvinist. The fact that he had the nerve to ask you to contribute to the cost of his ticket tells me that he is also a loser and very possibly an online con artist.

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thank you for your answer,

 

Its not easy for me to take this decision, he is my very first (if you see what i mean) and i trusted everything he said when he said he love me and wanted me in his life....

 

For the ticket, i told him i would pay the ticket (refund him) IF and i say IF he as coming in canada because he need his money for school....but you see, not only he is not coming, he try to cancel the ticket in my back before break up with me and he dare asking me to pay the half....

 

 

i should delete him and move on but its not easy because i love him and miss him :'(

 

althought you are right, he do not treat me with respect at all....showing me he dont care, and want me for money, this is the feeling that i have.

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Do NOT send him money. Do NOT respond to him.

 

He is abusive and controlling. And it sounds as though you met him through a game.

 

Time to meet guys In Real Life and get to know them through body language and actions - not words which are often false....

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Thank you for your answer,

 

Yes we did met on a online game but we have been in a long-distance relationship of 2 years and we did live together....he broke up in 2014 because he was unhappy and he wanted to go back to university. We decided to try again in 2016 but....i cannot just explain what happen 2 weeks ago....

 

i don't have to respond to him because he avoid me, he said i am a thief to his eyes if i am not paying back the ticket.....

 

I feel bad in this and the worse is that i know i have nothing to reproach to myself....i do not reconize him anymore :(

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OP, you're right you're not a dog. So quit acting like a whipped puppy.

 

*He* stood you up and didn't even have the decency to tell you his plans had changed. To add insult to injury, instead of apologizing he had the gall to blame his poor manners and bad behavior on you.

 

Think about it... Essentially, how he's acting and what he's saying is that he has no respect for you. Further, if you don't agree with whatever he says or does, then too bad. It's his way or the highway. If you don't like it, tough.

 

It's a good thing you don't recognize him, as that will make it easier if/when he next randomly pops his head out of his weasel hole, to not give him the time of day.

 

Seriously, I know how hard it will be to get him out of your head and your heart, but you need to drop him like a hot potato and never look back.

 

And don't you dare give him any money. *HE'S* the one who bought a non-refundable ticket. *HE'S* the one who set the destructive dominoes in motion by being so self-absorbed and inconsiderate. *HE'S* also the one who decided to cancel his trip. YOU did nothing wrong, therefore there's no reason for you to make things right.

 

To borrow a page from his own playbook, "if he doesn't like it, then tough." You owe him nothing -- including one more second of your time. Stick to your guns and cut him off/out of your life like the stranger that he is and move on.

 

HTH,

TMichaels

 

 

P.S. I understand you feel all alone and can't talk to this about friends/family. However, don't waste any more money on fortune tellers who have their own motives. If you need to talk or get opinions, you're always welcome to do so on this forum. Many have already been through similar situations and don't mind helping someone else work through their issues.

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Hi,

 

thank you for your answer,

a sure thing is, you know how to boost motivation :D

i want to thank you :)

 

i have to be honest, when i saw that he was not picking up the phone the thursday, i throw him lots of insult too.....telling him that he don't want to argue, but always provocke arguement by his lack of communication and how much he snob me.....

 

I must be honest....its my first Relationship.....

i know i may sound stupid but....

his attitude....i Wonder if mens (in general) act like this?

i mean.....are they not suppose to, at least...tell us if they want to spend time alone so we won't wait for nothing?

 

Of course i can understand if they forgot....but, as for him...it was in the tone of his voice like he did not cared....i even texted him before calling him the wednesday, telling him that i was waiting for him on the game, and when i saw that he was not replying or connecting, this is when i called to ask him what is going on....(he have computer problem right now, so it could have been his computer), but when i hear on the phone that he was enjoying a new game on the computer, i felt upset that he could not take at least 2 minutes to let me know that he wanted to spend his night alone....

 

it may sound stupid or possessive or whatever....but it makes me very upset.....just to know that he knows i was waiting for him and he did not come :(

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ExpatInItaly

Since you admittedly lack experience, I will tell you that good men do not act like this.

 

Forget about him and do not send him money.

 

Please do not continue to let him (or anyone!) mistreat you.

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ConfusedCloud

Why are you acting like this is your fault? None of this was your fault - NONE. So stop acting in such a way that tells him you have no respect for yourself.

 

 

He knows you did nothing wrong. You're not getting the hints. He's using you, he's mean, he's treating you like trash. For some reason, in your mind, you're twisting it all around and telling yourself you deserve to be treated like trash because of something you did wrong? What?

 

 

Here's what really happened...

He was never that into you - why? Because he broke up with you in 2014.

He should have told you that he wasn't going to be online on the game that night, and his excuse for not telling you, "I just wanted to play alone" is a terrible excuse - but you, being blindly in love, didn't care. Instead, you got mad at yourself for being too pushy with him - but you weren't, you were being rational.

 

 

He's turning you into an irrational person. He's turning you into a submissive person. Don't you see what he's trying to do? He even said so himself.

 

 

Now are you going to stand up for yourself and stop communicating with him, or are you going to be his dog?

 

 

I would never talk to a man again if he said I should be submissive. But you, for some reason, still want him? Why? Are you brainwashed?

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thank you both for your answer,

 

I want to thank you for so much honnesty in all what you are saying.

I think that its probably my fear of being alone that make me love him so much.....

 

But the true it is....when i think about it....

i would not be happy to see him in my appartment....

just to remember all the problems he broughts me here....

 

i guess i need just time to forget about him....

 

thank you from the bottom of my heart for so much good advice and to finaly succeed to open my eyes....

 

You see....my friends and family were just saying over and over that i can find better....1 lost, 10 to find....etc....

 

what i needed the most, i do believe. was people who could open my eyes and see that in fact....i was not the bad person in the story.... and all of you are right about it because i was starting to reproach myself the break up....i was wondering what was wrong with me....

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The way he acts now with you is a preview of the future, if he is treating you that way while you live away from each other, how it would be if you ever lived together permanently?. He would probably expect you to support him since he has no shame on asking you for money. A real man would never act that way.

 

It is highly probably that the day when he told you that he was enjoying his game alone it was a lie, he may have been out with some woman or with someone new online, then he blamed it all on you so you stopped complaining.

 

I hope you dissapear from that man's life and let him realize what he missed and when he wants to get back together you will be able to ignore him. In order to have a healthy relationship with a man you first need to love yourself and not allow anyone to treat you like he did. Good luck.

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thank you for all your answers

 

I got an emails from him today (since he cannot contact me on Facebook or Skype....)

 

he told me that he is no longer with me because he is not himself with me, that we won't be happy and i don't make him happy....

 

The question is why? What did i do for him to think that....

he told me he does not even remember how it was when we were intimate....and he show me an old video that i took of him before he quit and how much i was sad when i knew he was leaving me in 2014.

 

 

And of course, he wants back the money....

 

What should i do when i know that it is completely over....that i know it....but don't realise it? :(

Edited by Maeve494
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ExpatInItaly

What money does he want back?

 

From now on, you need to stay completely out of contact with him. You will probably never get the answers you want from him; most of us don't. You didn't necessarily do anything wrong. He sounds like he was never very committed, unfortunately.

 

And please, don't rely on fortune-tellers. You're paying them to invent stories. Not a good use of your time or money.

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thank you for your answer,

 

You are right about fortune tellers....

i talk with the second one this morning, question to see what she would answer me after she predict me that bryan would come in june and all...

 

all of a sudden she said i should pay him back to get peace with him so he would come in june and so on...

 

that is lies!!!

he was kinda clear when he said that i was not making him happy....and how could i not making happy since i did not do anything wrong??

 

he just Wake up in the morning and decide that we were done!!!

 

the fortune tellers are liars....and this guy is mental...

 

i know what is my problem...

 

i am still attached to the men he was when i met him....when he was saying *baby are you ok* or when he said he loved me...

he was just playing with me...

 

i told him that he treat me like trash...he said:

*not different from you...

 

I am so insulted.... :'(

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The man you are seeing now is the real him, don't expect him to be that one from the beginning because when a romance starts people have their best behavior. It is through time that one gets to see what they really are like.

 

Think of all the bad things he has done, how he has treated and how he wants money from you, that will help you to start moving on. He is not worth a penny.

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I know you are desperately looking for answers....look for answers within yourself. think about yourself and what is best for YOU. You don't need him, and you don't need to be treated like that.The only thing you did wrong was have an LDR for this long with someone that is not financially stable, or even has a career or doing anything important with his life. It has come to an end/it has run it's course, which is normal....it happens.

 

About the ticket, he can sell it on craigslist for a discounted price to get rid of it.

 

Stop with fortune tellers, they are a waste of money. Go out and buy yourself a nice pair of sexy shoes, and go out dancing with the girlies.

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Hi,

 

thank you both for your answer

 

He cannot sell the ticket on graiglist because it have an ID name

 

But i guess i got everything you all told me....

 

I just ask him this at the moment:

 

Do you want your money -he said:

*please

do you want me in your life - he said:

if you don't pay me back no

 

i said: if i was up on a cliff and you must choose me or the money, which on would you save?

 

he did not answer....

 

so i guess i do not Worth much for him....its very hard to accept but its evident :'(

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KeepSmiling24

you do not have to pay him back anything u are a beautiful person and have a beautiful heart he don't respect you and he have so much confidence on you that what ever he do bad to you u will come to him no need to say sorry u did not done anything wrong just be strong and delete every thing of him just focus on your self i am sure u will find a caring person like you.

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thank you very much Keepsmilling24,

 

you are very nice to tell me this....

its just that i feel hurt about what he told me 3 weeks ago when he told me he love me and wanted me in his life....

 

I know i should not focus on this...

but he do not consider me anymore and he subscribe to many meeting website to find a replacement....

 

If this is love....then what i am? I was his toy?

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Sorry for the double post...

you will never believe what just happen...

 

I talk with my ex just now...

i make him believe that i post the money (i really did not post it) because i wanted to see if he would keep his promise....(to not delete me)

 

now that he think that the money have been sent...

he delete me on facebook....

 

he such a coward and he dare saying i am not a woman....

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Sorry for the double post...

you will never believe what just happen...

 

I talk with my ex just now...

i make him believe that i post the money (i really did not post it) because i wanted to see if he would keep his promise....(to not delete me)

 

now that he think that the money have been sent...

he delete me on facebook....

 

he such a coward and he dare saying i am not a woman....

 

I think he's shown you over and over that he does not care or love you. This is not surprising. He's done what you cannot do and hopefully him severing all ties with you will help and allow you to move on from him.

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thanks for your answer....

 

It cannot be more clear:

him: Do not oppose me.

me: alright

Me: so what will you do about it

him: If you don't like something politely excuse yourself from it.

him: Do not oppose me.

me: i dont understand sorry

him: Do not find a reason against me; do not argue at all; do not oppose me in any way, shape, or form.

 

him: Words are not enough. Spoken words must be put to action. Action must be tested by time and endurance with time.

You have a lot to impress upon me.

You are climbing a tall mountain. I do not think you can do it. You are required to change a lot and with a great speed.

 

i think he cannot be more clear than that....

he would like me to obey like a slave....he dont even remember the arguement of 3 weeks ago...

all he care about is the money....

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Yes, he's not looking for a loving and equal relationship. He's looking to control and dominate.

 

You need to block him and stop communicating.

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coolheadal
Hi,

 

thank you both for your answer

 

He cannot sell the ticket on graiglist because it have an ID name

 

But i guess i got everything you all told me....

 

I just ask him this at the moment:

 

Do you want your money -he said:

*please

do you want me in your life - he said:

if you don't pay me back no

 

i said: if i was up on a cliff and you must choose me or the money, which on would you save?

 

he did not answer....

 

so i guess i do not Worth much for him....its very hard to accept but its evident :'(

 

OMG, get away from this situation. He's just after your money you can clearly seen the answer " do you want me in your life - said" if you don't pay my back no" That's it! MONEY GRABBER you don't want this go find someone else who wants you for you. Don't buy love and fortune teller only reading your thoughts you have the answer already drop this person now!

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It cannot be more clear:

him: Do not oppose me.

me: alright

Me: so what will you do about it

him: If you don't like something politely excuse yourself from it.

him: Do not oppose me.

me: i dont understand sorry

him: Do not find a reason against me; do not argue at all; do not oppose me in any way, shape, or form.

 

him: Words are not enough. Spoken words must be put to action. Action must be tested by time and endurance with time.

You have a lot to impress upon me.

You are climbing a tall mountain. I do not think you can do it. You are required to change a lot and with a great speed.

 

Sorry, I disagree. The above passage is as clear as mud to me.

 

Is this a verbatim transcript? Is this the way he always talks to you? Does he think he's Obi-wan Kenobi? Or, maybe he writes fortune cookie messages for a living? Sorry. He just sounds like a nutcase to me.

 

I'd be changing my phone number and email addresses, blocking and deleting him from every social media account and connection, and never speak, text, email, post, or respond to this him "in any way, shape, or form" now and forever more.

 

Let him put that in his pipe and smoke it. (Or, maybe that's his problem -- he smokes too much, already.)

 

As I told you before, it was his decision to buy a non-refundable ticket. And, it was his decision to cancel his trip. That's not your problem; it's his. It's about time he grew up and accepted responsibility for his own actions not to mention thinking he's omnipotent and can bully others to do his bidding anytime he likes.

 

YOU OWE HIM NOTHING. Quit letting him control you. BLOCK HIM NOW from your mind and life whether that be online or off. He's shown his true colors. You need know and do nothing more.

 

Best,

TMichaels

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