Fredrik Koenig Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 I had a LDR (long distance relationship) with a girl since October. We used to text every day, sometimes until late at night, and Skyped like 3 times a week. We didn't meet yet, but the plan was that I would visit her next month. We both are from European countries and are in our mid twenties. But since last month she suddenly acted reserved and no looker took the initiative to Skype. We still texted every day, but also those messages became more reserved and it took longer for her to reply. When I asked what was wrong a few days back, she finally said that she was afraid that her feelings for me would grow even stronger when we would spend more time together, but a LDR wouldn't work; she had a LDR before which ended half a year ago. She also has no clear future plans, which makes the situation even harder in her eyes. Maybe it's important to note that she also lived with someone from her own country for a few years and was even engaged with him, but eventually broke up. I told her she is worth the wait and that I could move to her country if we would know each other better (I speak the language), or she could live here if she wants to study abroad. It was four days ago when I asked what was wrong and we didn't talk since that time. I think she is still processing the failure of her first two relations and might not be ready for a new one. But what breaks my heart is that she loves me (she told so herself), but doesn't want to give it a chance to see if things would work out. Love is something you are glad to show and makes u happy, and should not be pushed back, right? It’s not like I am asking her to marry me! I want to be there for her when she is having a hard time. What should I do to convince her to take this chance with me? Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 Give her space (time) and see what develops. You can't push her off the deep end also. Can't change her mind either. After a few weeks if you don't see any changes then time for you to more on. She's not the only one out there for you there are so money other who would appreciate you! Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 You are wasting time, energy and bandwidth on someone you don't even know. If you had spent that time and energy on getting out and meeting real people in the real world, you may have had a real girlfriend and be having real sex right now. Stop wasting time and energy on cyber pen pals you have never met and probably won't ever meet in the real world and get out and get a real girlfriend. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
nauticalpoem Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 Disclosure: I am pretty against ldr. I had one once that I was too lovestruck to see through and it's just too emotionally hard to deal with. I think that you should be respectful of what she's feeling by listening and not trying to convince her it isn't going to work. What she's feeling is probably real and you just can't see it yet. If the distance situation changes in the future it might be different, but for me I feel like a ldr almost holds you back in the sense that you're waiting for Skype calls or texts instead of actually doing life stuff. My ldr boy broke my heart and I was crushed [CRUSHED] for at least a year. Now a couple years later I am glad he realized ldr's were too hard and broke my heart. He found someone he really loves and I had alot of fun instead of sitting around waiting for Skype calls. Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted February 8, 2016 Share Posted February 8, 2016 LDR is tough everyone knows but sometimes they can be really nice. Just have to play it by ear. You can always go the other route. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 8, 2016 Share Posted February 8, 2016 Yes, love makes you happy. But long distance can make relationships feel difficult, sad and lonely. Long distance isn't for everyone Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted February 8, 2016 Share Posted February 8, 2016 Yes, love makes you happy. But long distance can make relationships feel difficult, sad and lonely. Long distance isn't for everyone Gives you some hope in life that you didn't have prior. Link to post Share on other sites
emi Posted February 8, 2016 Share Posted February 8, 2016 Me and my bf have been doing LDR for more than a year now. For us your circumstance are pretty much favorable. Im not saying its easy for you, but we do have it harder. We from different part of the world. 6 hours differences. I dont speak the language and study my ass out for it. And the whole visa/paperwork hanging around our head. If this girl dont want to try, there is nothing you can do. Its hard but if you both want to, i believe it still possible Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 8, 2016 Share Posted February 8, 2016 Until you meet, it's not real. It sounds all romantic until you realize how lonely & difficult it is to maintain an LDR. Now for you two add in immigration issues. Geez. It's not worth it. She wants a BF she can see, touch & kiss. Both of you need to go find real relationships with people who are near you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fredrik Koenig Posted February 8, 2016 Author Share Posted February 8, 2016 Thanks everyone for the replies. Give her space (time) and see what develops. You can't push her off the deep end also. Can't change her mind either. After a few weeks if you don't see any changes then time for you to more on. She's not the only one out there for you there are so money other who would appreciate you! I am giving her space. We haven't talked for five days now and I let her make the first move when she is ready. Maybe she never will, but there is nothing I can do about it. In the meantime I try to move on, live my life and visit friends and do other things I like to do. You are wasting time, energy and bandwidth on someone you don't even know. If you had spent that time and energy on getting out and meeting real people in the real world, you may have had a real girlfriend and be having real sex right now. Stop wasting time and energy on cyber pen pals you have never met and probably won't ever meet in the real world and get out and get a real girlfriend. Do you really think I did nothing else but wait behind my PC until she would get in contact with me? We only Skyped on agreed time points and for the rest of the time we each lived our own lives. Disclosure: I am pretty against ldr. I had one once that I was too lovestruck to see through and it's just too emotionally hard to deal with. I think that you should be respectful of what she's feeling by listening and not trying to convince her it isn't going to work. What she's feeling is probably real and you just can't see it yet. If the distance situation changes in the future it might be different, but for me I feel like a ldr almost holds you back in the sense that you're waiting for Skype calls or texts instead of actually doing life stuff. My ldr boy broke my heart and I was crushed [CRUSHED] for at least a year. Now a couple years later I am glad he realized ldr's were too hard and broke my heart. He found someone he really loves and I had alot of fun instead of sitting around waiting for Skype calls. I understand you are against LDR, but when I've met someone I think is the one, I don't give up so easily. I was willing to take the distance away and make it a 'normal' relationship by moving to her country if things would work out. I was not waiting for Skype calls, because we Skyped on agreed time points and lived my life when we were not Skyping. I am sorry to hear you were crushed for such a long time, I hope you are doing better now. Until you meet, it's not real. It sounds all romantic until you realize how lonely & difficult it is to maintain an LDR. Now for you two add in immigration issues. Geez. It's not worth it. She wants a BF she can see, touch & kiss. Both of you need to go find real relationships with people who are near you. No immigration issues for me, because I lived in her country for a while and speak the language. I could be that BF she could touch and kiss, because I was willing to visit her and eventually move to her country if things had worked out. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 8, 2016 Share Posted February 8, 2016 No immigration issues for me, because I lived in her country for a while and speak the language. I could be that BF she could touch and kiss, because I was willing to visit her and eventually move to her country if things had worked out. Just because you previously lived there doesn't mean that country wants you there permanently. Hence you have immigration issues even if you deny it. While I get that you are willing to try, do you not understand that SHE doesn't want to try? It's too tough for her. Respect that & move on. Link to post Share on other sites
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