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Words of Wisdom NEEDED! First meeting in LDR


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Hi. I'm very new at this...posting in a Forum AND...being in a LDR. I'm looking for advise as my LDR and I will meet up in 3 days.

 

To start things off, I am a 40yo woman and he is 41. I live in Tx, he lives in SC. However, we attended the same high school before he moved away. He found me on facebook about a year ago. Two months ago, he messaged me, and we have been messaging/calling/texting ever since. Being that we once knew each other, but lost touch over 20 years, I feel like over the time we have been talking, we have connected in a very intimate ways, and he has expressed feeling the same. All of our convos have been pretty pg, with a few innuendos and connotations here and there.

 

As adolescent as it may be and/or sound, I'm completely lost. I don't know what to do. He is driving 1300 miles to come spend several days with me, and I have no clue what to expect. We are grown ups, not children...but neither of us have a whole lot of experience dating as adults due to prior long term relationships/marriage. I am absolutely comfortable with him coming to my home and hanging out. We have plans to go out one evening, we are going to go to a horse ranch and spend the day, but aside from that, we have not planned anything else other than just spending time together. I might add, we also share a VERY strong sexual desire for one another.

 

I feel like a young girl, all giddy and excited to see him and share a few experiences together and see if this could possibly take off into something lasting, or even this turning out to be a one time deal because of lack of chemistry.

 

To cut it short...would it be a mistake to get sexually involved knowing he has to go back and live 1300 miles away? I'm all for jumping in feet first, and I'm pretty sure that he's not driving all this way for a one night stand...when any man could have that within a 5 mile radius of where they are. I just find that I am super fond of this guy, and I would like to make the most of what could possibly take place

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Establishing boundaries & expectations before he gets this is key. I would insist he get a hotel room with a cancellation policy. You don't really know him since so much time has passed. If things go great, you can have him come to you but if they are awkward he has a place to retreat.

 

Only you know whether you will be able to maintain contact over the distance & whether you even want to. That said, can you handle a fling? If you can & you want to go for it, nobody will stop you. If you aren't interested in a fling while he's there, make that clear.

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HopeForTomorrow
I feel like a young girl, all giddy and excited to see him and share a few experiences together and see if this could possibly take off into something lasting

 

I remember this feeling and envy you for it. I had a similar experience as you when in my early 40's (no longer together for reasons that had nothing to do with the LDR).

 

I agree with d0nnivain in that ideally, he will have his own "space" just in case things don't go as they probably will. Also, a shorter first visit might have lessened some of the pressure to come up with "things to do" a priori. Although I suspect that, ahem, things will come up. :) It sounds like you two are relatively close, affectionate and have shared intimacies - I strongly believe those things will be maintained and even strengthened when you meet. It's when you DON'T experience those things that LDR meets are more likely to go south. If you and he have connected as much as possible before meeting, then the meeting is how you further consummate the relationship both emotionally and physically.

 

In my case, we had never met but were in a very close intimate relationship for more than a year before meeting. I didn't take any of my own advice above and the first meet was 7 days long with one hotel room booked. We saw each other, hugged, then three seconds later we were in bed. And we did lots of other fun stuff - there was never a second of nervousness or awkwardness.

 

I hope you will report back how things went. I am sure you will find things to occupy your time!

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I would insist he get a hotel room with a cancellation policy.

^ ^ *THIS* ^ ^

 

OP, I did what you are about to do - except that it was me who traveled to the guy's place.

 

And within 45 minutes, I wanted out - desperately. But I was stuck for the duration and didn't have a place to escape to.

 

We tried to have three nice days together and all I wanted was for it to end. Despite dozens of calls, letters, and anticipation, when it came to Real Life, it was very uncomfortable.

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I'm pretty sure that he's not driving all this way for a one night stand...when any man could have that within a 5 mile radius of where they are.

LOL. NOT true at all.

 

Some guys couldn't get any action if they walked into a brothel with $500 tacked to their shirts. Never assume.

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