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Feels like Im not his top priority.


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pinkpositive

I know we love each other very much but I feel like im not his top priority.

 

We've been ldr for 2 years, I posted here 4months ago, asking what should I do cos I feel like my relationship is going nowhere cos I just kept on waiting without definite Time. He Invested his money more on his business as he said its "our" Future". Reading Comments/Advises here helps me decide to break up with him but we really didnt break up since by the day I decided to end our relationship he also decided to Visit me and booked a flight going to my country.

 

So we finally met last August this year. We only spent 3weeks being together. We were so happy and in loved. For that very short period of time, we had argument for the first time about money as he always mention to me all the money he spent for me and I really dont appreciate it so I talked to him. I also dont like him turning his back at me while sleeping. His doing it unconsciously.

 

After 3weeks being together, he left to go back to his country. a week after he left, I found out that I was Pregnant and I talked him about this and I also posted here to seek advise. We're not both ready to have kids but I am not really sure with his decision of aborting the baby. He kept on convincing me which in the end I also agreed to do abortion. Its been 1 month now after abortion. He paid half of the bills and half mine. He was always there for me to comfort me with words, still not enough.

 

Now as I recovered with my experience of abortion, I just realize and feel like I'm not his Priority. Letting the baby be aborted because of His dreams and goals in life . He also know I still have medical bills and also spending money to have an internet access cost me a lot but he never ask to help and he always say he cannot help me since he has bills to pay too but the way he spend it to invest in his business is like my bills is just cents to him. My point here, if im really his priority then he will help me with this.

 

Second, every special day like birthday, monthsary and anniversary. I always send him snail mails, gift and etc. but he never ever do that to me for 2 years. I always wanted to receive things like that but he never do that maybe because he dont want to spend money in sending things for me or he dont have time to do it.

 

It hurts me so much and I dont want to share my thoughts to him. I know I love him so much but i dont feel like im his priority. :(

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justanickname

Hi pinkpositive,

 

I have followed your threads and I am sorry for what has happened. Anyway, what done is done and I am glad that you are recovering now.

 

To be honest, I may be wrong, but I do not think he cares you as the way you deserve. Unfortunately, somewhat like me, you seem too emotional towards him.

 

Regards to gifts, snail mails, etc. have you ever told him you want that? And have you ever had a conversation with him to say all the things you feel unfair and your expectation?

A straight and thoughtful talk can help a lot. My experience is poor on this, but I tried two times. Both worked. It could even help you to decide the relationship should be kept or let go. It may hurt but at least you know the answer and your heart will be healed with time.

Wish you peace.

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Lois_Griffin

I'm sorry to hear about your plight but I think you made a solid decision.

 

Not meaning to be disrespectful but it sounds as though you've built your whole LIFE around some guy you've only spent 3 weeks face-to-face with. The rest of your time is spent obsessing over him and wanting more and more of his time and attention (over the computer, that is).

 

You can CLEARLY see this long distance stuff isn't working for you. You basically have a relationship with a computer screen and that's all you'll ever have.

 

Do you work or go to school or do anything besides dedicate all your time to this guy? I mean, sending gifts for your 'month-aversary' is just so extreme and I don't know any guys who give a rat's ass about something that insignificant. Sorry. And being angry and disappointed that he sleeps on his other side when he's with you? Seriously?

 

I honestly think you're in an unhealthy situation and have basically made this guy your entire world. You seriously need to get your life back or create a new one - by stepping away from the computer. Living your life in some virtual reality 'romance' is just getting you nowhere. Nowhere HEALTHY, that is.

 

You need to step away from the computer.

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ExpatInItaly

You don't feel like a priority because you aren't a priority.

 

I've participated in your other threads. To be very honest, I don't think he's anywhere near as invested as you are and I don't see that changing. He seems to be the centre of your world whereas he has other things going on. Are you currently working or studying? Do you get out with friends and family and enjoy yourself?

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pinkpositive
Hi pinkpositive,

 

I have followed your threads and I am sorry for what has happened. Anyway, what done is done and I am glad that you are recovering now.

 

To be honest, I may be wrong, but I do not think he cares you as the way you deserve. Unfortunately, somewhat like me, you seem too emotional towards him.

 

Regards to gifts, snail mails, etc. have you ever told him you want that? And have you ever had a conversation with him to say all the things you feel unfair and your expectation?

A straight and thoughtful talk can help a lot. My experience is poor on this, but I tried two times. Both worked. It could even help you to decide the relationship should be kept or let go. It may hurt but at least you know the answer and your heart will be healed with time.

Wish you peace.

 

 

Hello there!

 

Thank you so much for your comments. I have never told him about the things I want like sending snail mails and gifts cos I feel like if I tell him that things then I am asking him to do it. It's much better to receive something that really came from his heart and effort. I'm really scared telling him about my expectations cos he might be disappointed that I expect too much from him. I always tried to talk to him but whenever we're there already I cannot say these things to him. I know I love him so much and he also do the same i think. He works and invest more in his online business since he said its our future. :(

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pinkpositive
I'm sorry to hear about your plight but I think you made a solid decision.

 

Not meaning to be disrespectful but it sounds as though you've built your whole LIFE around some guy you've only spent 3 weeks face-to-face with. The rest of your time is spent obsessing over him and wanting more and more of his time and attention (over the computer, that is).

 

You can CLEARLY see this long distance stuff isn't working for you. You basically have a relationship with a computer screen and that's all you'll ever have.

 

Do you work or go to school or do anything besides dedicate all your time to this guy? I mean, sending gifts for your 'month-aversary' is just so extreme and I don't know any guys who give a rat's ass about something that insignificant. Sorry. And being angry and disappointed that he sleeps on his other side when he's with you? Seriously?

 

I honestly think you're in an unhealthy situation and have basically made this guy your entire world. You seriously need to get your life back or create a new one - by stepping away from the computer. Living your life in some virtual reality 'romance' is just getting you nowhere. Nowhere HEALTHY, that is.

 

You need to step away from the computer.

 

Hi lois_Griffin. Thank you for your comments and advise. Yes I'm actually confuse where are relationship is going cos he focus more in his online business since that's his biggest goal in life but he expalined to me that he's doing that for our future but I feel like i'm left behind. I dont even know if we will live together someday as he needs to make his business work first before settling together and I dont know when.

 

Im currently working. Im living on my own so I feel so alone. Im 22yrs old and he's 33. I talked to him about him sleeping other side when he's with me and he apologized as he is not used of someone next to him and maybe it takes time for him to adjust with that sleeping thing. But It hurts me a lot too cos he's sleeping well and Im awake hugging him from behind always.

 

I really dont want to lose him and I want to work this relationship. I left my long term ex bf because of him and I cannot turn back time.

 

Thanks!

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pinkpositive
You don't feel like a priority because you aren't a priority.

 

I've participated in your other threads. To be very honest, I don't think he's anywhere near as invested as you are and I don't see that changing. He seems to be the centre of your world whereas he has other things going on. Are you currently working or studying? Do you get out with friends and family and enjoy yourself?

 

Hi Expatinitalyyyyyy! Thank you! It is true he is the center of my world and I cant live life without him anymore. I left my long terms ex bf because of him that is true and so selfish of me but now I feel like i regret everything. I am currently working. Im 22 yrs old and Im living on my own and alone in this world and committed with my long distance bf, he's 33 yrs old. I only spend my time chatting/skyping with him but currently Im having problem with my internet connection so we barely skype and as always there's nothing he can do at all. :( Im confuse with this relationship i have right now.

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ExpatInItaly

When he visited you, did you two discuss future plans together? If so, what were they? Where do you both envision this going?

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Okay... I honestly think he isn't all that invested in this R and you would be better off leaving him, based on your other threads.

 

But, and I hope this doesn't offend you, I couldn't help but notice that two of your complaints were (1) He turns his back on you while sleeping and (2) He didn't offer to pay your personal bills for you.

 

#1 is very nitpicky and quite a ridiculous thing to hold against someone IMO. Nobody can control how they move while sleeping! It's totally normal for couples to not spoon all night, lots of couples cuddle before bed then return to their customary positions while asleep. And I don't really think it's fair of you to expect a man you're dating to help out with your personal bills. If i recall correctly you're from a culture where this is normal (and I am too ) so it might be a sweet gesture for him to do that but it should definitely not be an expectation.

 

Going off of these, as well as your monthly gifts (!!) I really think you have an unhealthy approach to relationships. I think you should leave him, then take some time out to really live your own life and do some introspection.

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pinkpositive
When he visited you, did you two discuss future plans together? If so, what were they? Where do you both envision this going?

 

Hi Expatinitaly. We did not discuss more about future since we spent our time most in travelling and its like we cramp in to the things we want to do and forgot to spend a mellow time together. We forgot to talk about it maybe because we are too excited to be with each other physically and we only had a very short period of time.

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ExpatInItaly
Hi Expatinitaly. We did not discuss more about future since we spent our time most in travelling and its like we cramp in to the things we want to do and forgot to spend a mellow time together. We forgot to talk about it maybe because we are too excited to be with each other physically and we only had a very short period of time.

 

To be very honest, this makes no sense. He says he's working on his business for your future, but you two somehow forgot to even discuss the future when you were finally together in person? I don't think he forgot or ran out of time to talk about it. He didn't because he knows you probably won't like what you hear.

 

I'm sorry girl, but I don't think this is going where you want. He doesn't seem all that interested but you have built your life around him. The imbalance here isn't healthy at all.

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pinkpositive
To be very honest, this makes no sense. He says he's working on his business for your future, but you two somehow forgot to even discuss the future when you were finally together in person? I don't think he forgot or ran out of time to talk about it. He didn't because he knows you probably won't like what you hear.

 

I'm sorry girl, but I don't think this is going where you want. He doesn't seem all that interested but you have built your life around him. The imbalance here isn't healthy at all.

 

Hi Again, Seriously??? :( May I ask are you male or female? (curious)

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ExpatInItaly
Hi Again, Seriously??? :( May I ask are you male or female? (curious)

 

Yes, I am serious. I don't reasonably see how you could come to another conclusion, based on his actions - or rather, lack of action. It seems you want to make this relationship into something more. He isn't reciprocating. What does that tell you?

 

I am female, 34.

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