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Virtual Relationships real?


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Grumpybutfun

Lately I have been hearing about people who have never met in person having relationships online or over the phone....and I'm wondering how much of this is just a virtual relationship and how much could be real?

I have a hard time believing that anyone who has never met in person can be in love and have a relationship. I suppose due to the dynamics, I think it is impossible due to catfishing, duplicity or cheating for anyone who doesn't know the other IRL or have not met any of his/her friends or family to be in a real relationship.

Any comments for discussion on whether or not an online relationship can be considered a love match, dating, a serious committed relationship, etc.?

Discuss,

Grumps

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Not to me. if the police knocked on my door, i couldn't identify you.. no, i don't know you, Argo, no they're not real.

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justanickname

Not me but my best friend.

She became gf of a guy whom she never met after a while chatting (including voice-chat). The relationship actually went well even after they met in person. They even thought of marriage. However, it was broken few years later, since they had different views of life (talking in person).

But it could be an exception, since they were from the same hometown, used to study in the same school (but never knew each other before) and he tried to close the gap when they thought of marriage.

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Other than physical stuff, like sex, they're as real as any other relationship where people don't meet in person, something quite common these days. Back when I was young, 'pen pals' was a phrase used.

 

Complete romantic relationship? IMO, no. That takes physical affection and sex and that's impossible to accomplish virtually.

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Michelle ma Belle

I've known plenty of people, myself included, who've fallen in love with someone online before ever meeting in person. Like Carhill said, it can be just as real as any other relationship minus the physical intimacy in most cases. Are they ideal? No, not long term but that doesn't stop people from clinging to the fantasy of a full blown relationship. And that's when it becomes problematic.

 

In my case, I met someone on an online forum-type site we had been members of for several years and we had an instant connection. Eventually, we chatted exclusively and had quite a fulfilling virtual sex life (thanks to phone and Skype) for many months before we decided to take the leap and meet in person. Unlike most online encounters, we desperately wanted to see if what we had online worked well in real life. In my particular case, it did. My relationship transcended online and became a full-blown real life relationship that lasted almost 3 years.

 

I know this scenario might not be the norm when it comes to online encounters but they are possible for some. Having said that, I will agree that it can't really be classified as a complete romantic "relationship" without the physical affection and intimacy that can only come from being face-to-face. Some people may disagree with that but having been on both sides of the fence regarding this topic, I stand by my comment.

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A few years ago I met a woman on a dating site and we started corresponding. We shared a lot of pics and chatted and felt the attraction was mutual. We had great spontaneity, humor, etc. She lived about a hundred miles away, so we planned a brunch meeting on a sunday about two weeks out. We were both full of high hopes and anticipation. I arrived first and got a table. A few minutes later she walked in the door, and I shjt you not... I could tell before she even got to the table or spoke a word that the vibe wasn't right... and it wasn't even though we both very much wanted it to be.

 

I'm not superstitious at all, but I do believe that people have some kind of energy field that resonates with some but not others. If your frequencies match it can trump all sorts of superficial incompatibilities, and if it doesn't, it just doesn't and all the intention in the world won't change it. It's requisite for romantic relationships.

 

One can certainly build friendships without meeting in person. I've met met a good number of people on the phone for work related stuff for whom I have a lot of goodwill, trust and respect. But it's a different category altogether, and the requirements are completely different.

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Lois_Griffin

I agree with the OP.

 

You're basically having a 'relationship' with your skype screen and cell phone. And Carhill is correct - years ago we called this 'pen pals.' The advent of video chatting and texting and what-not has just elevated the principle of being pen pals, is all.

 

I would never, EVER waste my time forming some kind of pseudo 'romance' with some guy who lives in East Jabib or Burnt Scrotum, New Mexico. What the hell is the POINT of that?

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It can be an alternative for ppl who are incapable of interpersonal relationships or who struggle with them.

 

IMO the only time an online relationship wouldn't be 'real' is if its based on lies. Otherwise, two ppl interacting isn't negated by the medium. It may be unconventional but it doesn't mean it doesn't exist or that it's illegitimate just bc it doesn't match whatever methods we happen to employ.

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I think that friendships can be maintained online/phone. I met my current SO online, however, there isn't any way I would refer to him as an So/Bf if we had never met or could not have consistent physical contact. Fortunately, we now live in the same town and have a traditional relationship.

There are plenty of people in my life I never touch or kiss. I call them friends. :rolleyes:

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GunslingerRoland

It can be two real people being totally authentic and honest... but I don't know if it really constitutes a real relationship or can have real romantic love until there is in person contact.

 

So much of who we are can't be put into words no matter how honest we are. Until you spend time face to face with a person you have no idea of your compatibility. It's like putting together a football team of the best players, looks great on paper but they may play like crap on the field. You can seem like the perfect couple over text, email etc. But have no spark in the real world.

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justanickname

Well, although I believe that long distance relationship could work, but in any case, any how, the two must meet in person to check and see if it is real. Otherwise, it is just an illusion for any kind of roman.

In the other hand, I agree with other posters here, friendship or penpals still work with virtual.

(D***, I am trying to get out of the illusion myself now!).

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Grumpybutfun
I think that friendships can be maintained online/phone. I met my current SO online, however, there isn't any way I would refer to him as an So/Bf if we had never met or could not have consistent physical contact. Fortunately, we now live in the same town and have a traditional relationship.

There are plenty of people in my life I never touch or kiss. I call them friends. :rolleyes:

 

I agree. I know many people who met online, even here on this forum, and that isn't a virtual relationship since most meet and have real physical interactions. I was referring to those who fall in love and have drama even before they meet.....then rarely/ never meet. As I understand, most relationships now begin on the Internet. I'm referring more to the ones who have love or romantic relationships with drama and commitment talk even without meeting. Your situation sounds different.

Thanks for your comment,

G

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I think one can fall in love in a virtual relationship but not on the same level as a face to face one. It's mostly fantasy so it gives the illusion that you're in love with each other when it's more about being in love with the fantasy. If you haven't met in person, you can't really and truly know how you'd interact with one another. I can't tell you how many online dates turned out totally different than I imagined. There were many guys who I talked to often and even Facetimed with before the date and felt a very strong connection. Then when we met in person, there was nothing there. The in-person chemistry just cannot be duplicated or predicted.

 

Now, I was in a virtual relationship years ago right after my divorce with someone I met online who lived in another state. We talked on the phone, texted, skyped, and facetimed just about everyday for 9 months. It was, to me, like a real relationship until one day when we had a horrible falling out and didn't talk for two months. In that time, I really started dating others (with real people, in person. lol). It opened up my eyes to what I was missing. That other person came back into my life 2 months later and although I still had feelings for him at the time, it wasn't the same. He still calls/texts me occasionally to this day, and there are absolutely no feelings at all for this person anymore. I actually don't even want to have any contact with him anymore (he knows I'm in another relationship). I was living in a fantasy bubble...it felt so real at the time but looking back I can see that it was an escape from reality, a way to avoid getting out there in the world, and in some way an obsession. I think we were obsessed with each other in an unhealthy way. We always had "plans" to meet but it just never happened. I have no desire now to meet him ever, and I would never choose to be with someone only through a computer or phone screen again.

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Grumpybutfun
I think one can fall in love in a virtual relationship but not on the same level as a face to face one. It's mostly fantasy so it gives the illusion that you're in love with each other when it's more about being in love with the fantasy. If you haven't met in person, you can't really and truly know how you'd interact with one another. I can't tell you how many online dates turned out totally different than I imagined. There were many guys who I talked to often and even Facetimed with before the date and felt a very strong connection. Then when we met in person, there was nothing there. The in-person chemistry just cannot be duplicated or predicted.

 

Now, I was in a virtual relationship years ago right after my divorce with someone I met online who lived in another state. We talked on the phone, texted, skyped, and facetimed just about everyday for 9 months. It was, to me, like a real relationship until one day when we had a horrible falling out and didn't talk for two months. In that time, I really started dating others (with real people, in person. lol). It opened up my eyes to what I was missing. That other person came back into my life 2 months later and although I still had feelings for him at the time, it wasn't the same. He still calls/texts me occasionally to this day, and there are absolutely no feelings at all for this person anymore. I actually don't even want to have any contact with him anymore (he knows I'm in another relationship). I was living in a fantasy bubble...it felt so real at the time but looking back I can see that it was an escape from reality, a way to avoid getting out there in the world, and in some way an obsession. I think we were obsessed with each other in an unhealthy way. We always had "plans" to meet but it just never happened. I have no desire now to meet him ever, and I would never choose to be with someone only through a computer or phone screen again.

 

I find the Neurosciences fascinating for the level of illusion people can feel as real. Truly, neurobiology, neurophysiology, and neurology are the sciences to watch.

G

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