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LDR and Proposal


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Hi Everyone!

 

Basic run down:

Met GF on net

spoke for 4 months via skype and emails

Visited GF in her country for 10 days (September 2015)

Fell in love

Asked her to visit me in Jan 2016

 

When she comes to visit me i intend to establish if she likes it in my country, if she does i will ask her to marry me. If she does not then obviously it will not work. She says she wants to be with me wherever i live in the world so i gather its pretty much a done deal.

 

My question is that is it too soon to propose? after 4 months of never meeting face-to- face until September. Will this scare women away and come on as too strong? I prefer an answer for a woman if possible to get their viewpoint. Thanks a lot.

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Lois_Griffin

You sound like someone from the 90 Day Fiancée Show.

 

I think economics will play a huge part in her answer. If she lives in a poor country and doesn't have a lot of options to better her situation and will always live a life of poverty, then chances are pretty good she'll welcome the opportunity to get out.

 

If she's well educated and has a well paying job and doesn't live in poverty, you might have a problem getting her to leave her family, her friends, her career, and everything she's known her whole life to come to a strange land all for 'love.'

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Yes it's much too soon to propose. Spend more time together.

 

Going from an LDR to living together is a recipe for disaster

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That sounds like the fast track to a train wreck.

 

Sorry man, you can't possibly know if someone is right for you within 4 months of skyping and 10 days visiting her country.

 

Let me give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you spent all 10 days seeing her, that's still not enough.

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  • Author

Thank you for your honest answers. I am not familiar with the 90 day fiancé show, I'm not in the States. Yes almost every minute of the 10 days were spent together. I will also add that we are both divorced singles and both have our own kids from a previous marriage.

Edited by Glenn123
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What message are you sending your kids that you are even considering marrying somebody you have spent 10 days with?

 

You'd be losing your mind if you kids came home with such a person.

 

Do the responsible mature thing & get to know this woman slowly over time.

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Hi,

Where do you and her come from?

And about your question, its hard to answer. Depend on what kind of person she is and how the situation goes.

Just do what you want to do, in the end noone live your life but you

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Can I just say that's a really sweet and romantic thought? Yes might be extreme, but its lovely to see a guy get so excited over a gal and want to spend his life with her.

 

It would really help if you mentioned which country you're living in and she's living in?

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pinkpositive

Wow that's so sweet of you but I think that too quick to propose.

Im currently in a long distance relationship for 2 years but still we dont know each other that much and still lots of things to know about him. You just met her 4 months ago and that still so early you still dont her. Take time first to get to know each other first and enjoy your first meeting. Take not also, Its better to spend your mellow time with each other and not to cramp in with lots of things to do together. :) Good luck!

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Thanks for your comments. I am from Australia and she is from Kazakhstan. Since we met 5 months ago we have been in daily contact via either email or whatsapp. Our average Skype conversations are 1 hour at a minimum. I was married for 10 years then got divorced so this is not fereign territory. I was with her for 10 full days in September. She is coming for 2 weeks in Jan 2016. I know that people do whatever they feel like in the end but sometimes it's good to hear other people's opinions. It's helpful. I'm not 100% sure I will propose but it would sure make visas easier.

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Regardless of how you guys feel and how easy you make it all seem. You both have kids with other people. Have you considered how the kids feel about this? And if her kids are minors, it is unlikely she can just move them to another country. Heck my ex-wife could not move my kids to another state without my permission and vice versa. But after 10 days you are willing to mesh two families from two different cultures? C'mon man!

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I think some people need to remember that getting engaged does not mean having a marriage or moving families together straight away. It could be 6 months to 2 years (or longer) before a wedding or moving families together or who knows how long. Some people get engaged and never marry. She could say yes then change her mind down the track. It's different these days. Well it is here anyway. As I said it was just a thought was having I wasn't 100% set on doing it during the next visit.

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acrosstheuniverse

Something as huge as marriage needs to be a topic you discuss together, OP, not something that you spring on your girlfriend without discussing it.

 

Prior to anything as rash as a proposal (which would be INSANE after you've spent so little time together in person), how about next time you see her you ask her where she sees your relationship going? Ask her how she feels about getting married again. Ask her how she sees you guys living together in the future: whose country? What about the kids? Do you want to marry again? Do you both want any more kids?

 

Seems to me that if you'd had these kinds of indepth conversations already, you wouldn't need to ask a bunch of strangers online about their opinions on you proposing to your girlfriend, you'd already know and have a rough plan for the future.

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