We've been 2,000 miles apart for two months.

[purplepanda]

Hello, loveshack. it's been a couple years, I believe. If anyone recognizes my username, I'm happy to announce that my high school sweetheart and I had a baby in June. he is beautiful and has taught me what love really is.

 

My current issue is with his father. I love him very much, but I'm honestly a bit fed up with him. Sigh, its a long story. We've been back together for a year. I worked, he was lazy and didn't. I lost my apartment. I moved in with my mom, found a good job to make decent money, he went back to his parents' and...did nothing. I realized I was pregnant. He moved in at my mom's in November...still did nothing. We moved into his parents in January. Still did nothing. Then, when I was 7 months pregnant, he got a measly 20-hour a week job serving at Pizza Hut. $3 an hour (Kansas blows). I got a sweet deal on an income-based apartment and seeing how I was pregnant and jobless, it was $12 a month.

 

He just had the need to be with his friends all the ****ing time. He spent what little money he had on bull****, drove my car until it was to the point of overheating (need a new radiator) and didn't help me at all with the baby. On top of this, we were fighting all the time BECAUSE he did this crap. We went from some good days, some bad days... To no good days. I was miserable and scared. He lost that job two weeks after my son was born. Now, I love my SO, but he sounds like a piece of **** right? He honestly didn't see anything he was doing wrong. He flipped out over the smallest things. He punched a hole in the wall when he broke a glass. -.- seriously, grow the **** up, right? He'd never hurt me but I don't really know that do I? I said this to him. "I can't be with someone unstable. I don't want to raise my son around someone who yells at his mom."

 

I was exhausted from it. He didn't help me clean the house either. And once I asked him to do me a favor, he was a brat about it, I said hello, I just had a c section. "Yeah three weeks ago!" Like it was a paper cut or something!!!

 

Ugh. Anyway. I had the opportunity to stay with my dad and step mom in Washington state, so I packed up my apartment and left. Took my son with me. I haven't seen my SO since July 17. The deal was I'd come back when he had a job and a place for us. But he's stuck at his parents' place in that small town, where he's worked several jobs and burned those bridges. He and I have talked a lot about our problems. I know he could just be telling me what I want to hear, just to do the same again. But I told him if it happens again, I'm coming back here. I don't think he will, because he will lose me forever and not have his son in his life all of the time.

 

I have so much anger and bitterness towards him. We've been together a year and my life sunk because of him. Not because I had a baby, but it was hard to have my **** together while being with his lazy ass. I'm so disappointed in him. He was a Marine that was medically discharged, but I don't know why he wouldn't care about what he did with his life afterwards. I question how much he can love his son and girlfriend if he wasn't concerned with getting ready for the baby. I'm so lucky my family gave me everything we needed. I find myself taking jabs at him, and I say "now you know how it feels!" A lot. Like when he told me that my apologies were nothing if I keep talking to him this way. Um really?! I even told him to leave a couple times when I was pregnant. and when baby was here. I grew so cold towards him, probably because I didn't believe anything he said anymore. He only brought disappointment.

 

My flight to go back to the Midwest is next Thursday. I guess I need advice on forgiveness but not being a doormat again. I don't want to be bitchy but I can't live like that. I'll be living with my mom so I won't be in that exact situation. I can't go through that. I love my son way too much to do that to him.

 

I will say, yes I know I should tell him to go to hell. I'm willing to give him one last shot because we have a baby together and love each other. though I don't really feel loved. Any advice, please...

[Els]

 

I will say, yes I know I should tell him to go to hell. I'm willing to give him one last shot because we have a baby together and love each other. though I don't really feel loved. Any advice, please...

 

From what I have read, he sounds like neither a decent father NOR loving. So I really don't see the point of the 'last shot'. Also, IMO being 2000 miles apart for 2 months is the LEAST of your worries. I know couples who have been further apart for much longer than that who have WAY better Rs and way more legitimate reasons to stay together than this.

 

Leave him, for your baby's sake as much as your own.

[Lois_Griffin]

Oh, stop with the 'one last shot.'

 

The guy is a complete loser and will probably get someone else pregnant because he doesn't have the common sense god gave a dung beetle.

 

If you're smart, you'll think twice next time about the gene pool you're dipping into. Better yet, don't dip at all or you'll be a single mother with 2 and 3 kids. Don't fall into that dead end trap. LEARN from this.

 

You're allowing this loser to have ZERO responsibility for your kid and instead allowing your parents and the government (a/k/a WE the taxpayers) to foot the bill with rent controlled apartments and subsidies, etc.. That's about as irresponsible as it gets.

 

Make lover boy RESPONSIBLE for his kid and go down to the Division of Family Services and put a damned CHILD SUPPORT order in place. If the loser hasn't gotten his lazy ass a job, then eventually the law will throw him in jail or take away his driver's license. Why are you allowing to get off with no responsibility whatsoever? What's the payoff in that?

 

The only 'last shot' that's beneficial to you is getting a good education so you can get a decent job to support the child you chose to have at your age.

[purplepanda]

Oh, stop with the 'one last shot.'

 

The guy is a complete loser and will probably get someone else pregnant because he doesn't have the common sense god gave a dung beetle.

 

If you're smart, you'll think twice next time about the gene pool you're dipping into. Better yet, don't dip at all or you'll be a single mother with 2 and 3 kids. Don't fall into that dead end trap. LEARN from this.

 

You're allowing this loser to have ZERO responsibility for your kid and instead allowing your parents and the government (a/k/a WE the taxpayers) to foot the bill with rent controlled apartments and subsidies, etc.. That's about as irresponsible as it gets.

 

Make lover boy RESPONSIBLE for his kid and go down to the Division of Family Services and put a damned CHILD SUPPORT order in place. If the loser hasn't gotten his lazy ass a job, then eventually the law will throw him in jail or take away his driver's license. Why are you allowing to get off with no responsibility whatsoever? What's the payoff in that?

 

The only 'last shot' that's beneficial to you is getting a good education so you can get a decent job to support the child you chose to have at your age.

 

I don't appreciate the comments about taxpayers and my parents footing a bill for me. For one, my dad said that he doesnt want me to work if I live with him because my son needs me to spend as much time with him as possible. I have an associate's degree and I don't appreciate that comment either. The rest, thank you though.

 

PS, I'm 21. Not 16 or 18.

Edited October 2, 2015 by purplepanda

[purplepanda]

From what I have read, he sounds like neither a decent father NOR loving. So I really don't see the point of the 'last shot'. Also, IMO being 2000 miles apart for 2 months is the LEAST of your worries. I know couples who have been further apart for much longer than that who have WAY better Rs and way more legitimate reasons to stay together than this.

 

Leave him, for your baby's sake as much as your own.

 

I know how this sounds but. It was only the first 6 weeks. He was excited about him but always looked to me for everything. I'm hoping this will change but I don't really know. I certainly won't live with him unless he decides he wants to work and save up some money, etc.

[S2B]

File for support money. He should be forced to provide something.

 

And stay as far away from him and his anger as possible.

 

 

Since he hasn't given evidence that he's changed - there's nothing to consider except taking charge of your life and providing for your child's best interest.

 

I hope you take care.

[justwhoiam]

I was thinking: is he like 19?

 

So now I guess he's around your age: 21. I was pretty close. And male maturity comes a bit later compared to girls.

 

Most guys his age have other things on their minds, not a pregnant girlfriend or providing for a family or a baby.

 

I'm not justifying him. Though it's likely that your ways exacerbated him and his behavior. Who decided to have a baby in such an unstable situation? Unstable because: you didn't have a steady and mature relatiobship, he didn't have a job, you both didn't have a place where to live together. Right?

 

I'm sorry you got offended about what a previous poster said. But you were the one talking about responsibilities and fail to see how what you did was irresponsible. Now I'm sure you love your son and I'm happy for this new life who was born.

 

I guess you need to start to see your own faults and not just his. You need to treat him with love and respect. You don't measure a man by how much money he brings home. If you do, you still have a lot to learn about love.

 

I agree with you giving him another chance. But most of all, he needs a chance at being a father, not necessarily at being your partner. Start seeing the difference.

[purplepanda]

I was thinking: is he like 19?

 

So now I guess he's around your age: 21. I was pretty close. And male maturity comes a bit later compared to girls.

 

Most guys his age have other things on their minds, not a pregnant girlfriend or providing for a family or a baby.

 

I'm not justifying him. Though it's likely that your ways exacerbated him and his behavior. Who decided to have a baby in such an unstable situation? Unstable because: you didn't have a steady and mature relatiobship, he didn't have a job, you both didn't have a place where to live together. Right?

 

I'm sorry you got offended about what a previous poster said. But you were the one talking about responsibilities and fail to see how what you did was irresponsible. Now I'm sure you love your son and I'm happy for this new life who was born.

 

I guess you need to start to see your own faults and not just his. You need to treat him with love and respect. You don't measure a man by how much money he brings home. If you do, you still have a lot to learn about love.

 

I agree with you giving him another chance. But most of all, he needs a chance at being a father, not necessarily at being your partner. Start seeing the difference.

 

I didn't care about the money until it was obvious that he just didn't care about taking care of me and our son at that time. I supported him for 8 months while he sat around doing nothing. And then he spent half of my pregnancy leaving me at home to hang out with his friends...not caring about the repairs my car needed when he drove it nonstop.

 

And I soo did not mean to get pregnant, my birth control failed. And even though I am pro-choice, I thought about it for a day and decided it wasn't for me. At the time I had a place to live and a job, but we went to his parents (from there, an apartment) because my mom's husband whom I refuse to refer to as my step dad was a raging alcoholic and I couldn't be there anymore.

 

I'm sure at the end it made it worse but he never once showed the initiative to do anything but smoke weed with his friends.

 

This chance is for him to be a father. Otherwise I would need more time away from him, or just end it. He's begging for another chance with me as it is.

[justwhoiam]

Watch "Knocked Up". Maybe it can still teach you something.

 

You were brave deciding to keep the baby. I guess I would have done the same.

 

Good luck with everything.

[purplepanda]

Watch "Knocked Up". Maybe it can still teach you something.

 

You were brave deciding to keep the baby. I guess I would have done the same.

 

Good luck with everything.

 

I have seen that, lol. What are you referring to it teaching me exactly? That he will own up? Oh I have faith that he does. I feel like I've gotten almost all of my bitterness and anger toward him and I know what he is capable of. I was just afraid of it going wrong again..