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LDR's (even starting online...) can they REALLY work????


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Hi everybody. I know this topic has probably been dug to death but I have to start a new thread...I have a question..don't care if I like the answer or not but give me your honest opinion....okay? (thanks in advance)...........

 

 

Okay so while online I was "approached" (through IM) by someone I had previously played a few rounds of pool with (in yahoo) and had totally forgotten about (I don't "flirt" online or usually talk to anyone I play any online games with *usually*). So when he IMed me I remembered who he was vaguely (nothing important to make me say "OH IT's YOU)! :p

 

We had a nice conversation, then over the course of the next few weeks (I've been talking to him 2.5 weeks total)...anyway we've started talking daily, nightly, all the time on messenger and a couple of times on the phone...he seems so wonderful, we "clicked" and well he holds my interest, we can have intelligent conversations, ect....(and to **me** he's a cutie). He recently (a couple of days ago) talked about driving up from VA (where he lives) to meet me...(from me that's a 10 hour drive)...of course we want to get to know each other better....and spend more time talking, ect. I've talked to his Mom (online (face to face on cam) and his 8 year old sister...they all seem like great people. :love:

 

 

 

 

Even though it's been a short time talking to him, I think I really really do like him, he touches something in me (emotionally) and I think (maybe if all works out) it could be a really decent relationship. :love:

 

My question is....do you think meeting someone from online who lives 10 hours away (who wants to come see me) can work out? Is it possible that (even if it doesn't end in marriage, kids, ect) that it could actually be a decent positive relationship?

 

(((I've heard such bad things about internet romance (even when it turns to RL) that's why I'm asking)))

 

 

P.S. (this is him on my avatar, I'll leave it up briefly).

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Thanks, that is awesome! Congrads! I was expecting to hear "no it doesn't work"

or that it can't work, ect (though I KNOW it doesn't ALWAYS work) so thanks for that bit of positive info.... :)

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It doesn't have to turn bad. I think the biggest risk is that you can start falling for someone who could actually exist only on screen. If you have never seen him or her in the flesh, at some level, you have to take their word for their appearance, personality, age, sex, marital status and weight! The heart can create its fantasies that then become compelling. It CAN work, but take it slow and make sure you learn as much about him IRL as possible before you really fall in love or get too involved.

 

Not everyone on the Internet is a scam artist...but every scam artist is on the Internet!

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Thanks, yes I can't say I "KNOW" him in RL...i've seen him everyday on webcam..I know he's not "heavy" and even if he was I would like him and want to continue our "getting to know each other" anyway, I think (and hope) he's a real man, he's got a flat chest (no scars to be seen) and facial hair?! :) I believe he's 23 (he looks it, and I would hope his mom wouldn't encourage him to cheat on a wife/GF then play into it by talking to me. But I realize some people are weird! Thanks very much for the advice, I plan to take things slow and not "rush" even though I really like him I'm trying to keep a clear head.

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I think it really depends on the two individuals who are in the relationship. If the attraction, love, affection, etc is strong enough they can surely make it work. Eventually if does work out they find ways to be closer.

 

I say you give it a chance Barby. It's worth it, right???

 

By the way who is that guy as your avatar?? :confused:

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He's the guy I'm posting about (Gustavo) :love: I decided to put up his pic since I'm posting about him (i'll change it soon). :p

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WOOOOOOOOO!!!!

 

Barby and Gustavo sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G.............

 

I'm teasing you :p

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I hope you've heard that song before :o:p We used to sing it all the time in elementary, we would tease anyone who was talking to the opposite sex :laugh:

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Originally posted by naive_2001

WOOOOOOOOO!!!!

 

Barby and Gustavo sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G.............

 

I'm teasing you :p

 

Yeap we used to sing that too! hahaha! :lmao:

I just responded to ya in the other post also...I think it could work but I overanalyze everything too (like most of us girls do).. :(:) I like him lots but only time can tell (even though with this I wish I was a fortune teller) hahaha! :laugh:

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I've recently been talking to a few women online that all live approximately 3 hours away and I don't really take them seriously. I can understand a long distance relationship working out, but not if it starts as long distance. I've had relationships that started short distance that were successful (well, not fully since I didn't marry them) long distance later on. I seem to think that real memories of good times together have to be established before you can move forward. Chatting and phone calls just aren't that intimate for me, I guess. It might be different for you though.

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It's not that they are "intimate" but it just happened to be "one of those things" I wouldn't usually "chat" with guys online, I mean I did not long before that (he lived an hour away) but didn't feel a "connection" with him when we talked so I just talked to him as a friend.

 

 

I know in no means would it be a "real" relationship until we met, spent time together, got to know each other face to face, ect...I guess what I wanted to know more than anything is if we continue to communicate online/phone and it worked out well, if it could possibly lead to something more meaningful..?! (does that make sense)?!

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Originally posted by naive_2001

Does he plan to go and visit you?

 

 

He says he will come whenever I say "okay" which I'm tempted to do next weekend but I really really want to take more time to get to know him...imagine if he drove all that way and we didn't "hit it off" I would feel awful! Just awful for having wasted his time... :)

 

 

 

He said that he'd drive to see me every weekend (which I'm like wooah that's a long drive to make every weekend...) but it wouldn't be bad (if it worked out between us). :)

 

His last (and only) GF was still in Honduras so he said he's good with LDR's (she got married last year to their mutual friend) which he said they ended up being good friends more than a LDR anyway...so I think he's capable of being a good man in a LDR (but only time will tell) :p

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I say give it a chance. If it does not work out then at least you tried, right? If does work out you can thank yourself for not letting any doubts get in your way!!!

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Thanks! I'm feeling good about it (for the most part) I mean I know NOTHING is 100% sure but I just wanted to see what ya'll thought! ;)

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Maybe you can like arrange to meet in the middle sometime rather than him driving the whole 10 hours, you'd each only drive 5. Arrange for seperate hotel rooms since you don't really know each other and spend time together for the weekend. That way you won't feel guilty about making him drive all that way for what might be nothing.

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I personally think it's best if he goes to your hometown where you can feel safe, Sh*t you never know!!!!! :eek:

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"I personally think it's best if he goes to your hometown where you can feel safe, Sh*t you never know!!!!!"

 

Yea, and you never know, maybe Barby is a psycho-bit*h and he might need to protect himself. It's called having a certain level of trust before you meet. This trust should be equal on both sides, not just him diving right in taking all the risk, while she does not take any.

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Yea, and you never know, maybe Barby is a psycho-bit*h and he might need to protect himself. It's called having a certain level of trust before you meet. This trust should be equal on both sides, not just him diving right in taking all the risk, while she does not take any.
:eek::eek:

 

 

 

:p:p:p:p Hahahaha! You're tooooooooooo funny! I'm not psycho by any means, I would drive fully too see him BUT he offered and I agree with Naive, it's better to be safe than sorry!

 

He will rent his own hotel room and we will see each other in public places at first, I would NEVER harm him, or do anything to endager him, however since I don't know him I can't say anything on his behalf! :p

 

 

As far as meeting in the middle, that may be an option I bring up when we make plans...! (I'm still too chicken right now!!)

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  • 2 weeks later...
happily_divorseing
Originally posted by Barby

:eek::eek:

 

 

 

:p:p:p:p Hahahaha! You're tooooooooooo funny! I'm not psycho by any means, I would drive fully too see him BUT he offered and I agree with Naive, it's better to be safe than sorry!

 

He will rent his own hotel room and we will see each other in public places at first, I would NEVER harm him, or do anything to endager him, however since I don't know him I can't say anything on his behalf! :p

 

 

As far as meeting in the middle, that may be an option I bring up when we make plans...! (I'm still too chicken right now!!)

 

 

Barby,

 

I know how you are feeling. I went through the same thing. But i drove the 12 hours to meet him for the first time. :laugh: actually i asked him if he was a serial killer, like he would tell me if he was anyway, LOL. It is very exciting to meet someone for the first time, but also nerve-racking.

 

DO WHATEVER YOU FEEL COMFORTABLE WITH. A girl has to watch out for herself, ya know what i mean.

 

It took me 4 months to meet my LDR. And we have been dateing for 10 months.We talk everday on the phone, and i plan to move there in about 6 months.

 

So it can work out,,,,,,, Good Luck

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  • 6 months later...

Meet up as soon as possible because you could be piling your hopes up for someone who in 'real life', you simply have no chemistry with.

 

Its the undefinable thing, the zing, the buzz between the two of you...if I were you I would just be DYING to see whether that is there before making any more plans...

 

I think he should come to you first, maybe its old fashioned and sexist but it's a good gesture from a guy to do that, and he should understand...

 

I REALLY hope it works out for you two! But as I say, don't go getting carried away because you could get dissappointed...just be realistic and if there is no chemistry, there is nothing you can do about it...that's one thing you just can't force, in either direction.

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