I need some guidance

[Anthonyl]

Hey everyone,

 

So let me start off by saying I am a 22 year old gay man and the guy I am talking about is 29.

 

So I was on a cruise for the past week and I went a cruise event and I spotted a very cute employee who I knew was gay. I was talking with one of his coworkers and she said that I can introduce you guys. So we were introduced and we hit it off really well. We spent about an hour talking; a spark flew with the connection. We exchanged Facebook names (because that is the easiest way of staying in contact with one another and he took my number for when he gets his American phone). He is allowed off the ship when it docks in NYC; where I live. So I would be able to see him once a week.

 

Now here is the issue, his contract just started for the next 6 months. He's done in March. I want to eventually take him on a date but I don't know when I should ask him. How long should I talk to him online before I ask him on a date since we already met in person? How do I get him to take notice of me more than of other people he will see each week? I need a lot of advice here.

[d0nnivain]

I'd give it a month of weekend dates when your sailor is in port then start talking about March. Before the holidays you should have the details of your March "date" nailed down.

 

 

Enjoy.

 

 

However, what are you going to do if his next contract puts him on a ship that doesn't go to NY?

[Anthonyl]

I'd give it a month of weekend dates when your sailor is in port then start talking about March. Before the holidays you should have the details of your March "date" nailed down.

 

 

Enjoy.

 

 

However, what are you going to do if his next contract puts him on a ship that doesn't go to NY?

 

Thank you for answering my reply. I'm not really sure what you mean. I understand the going on weekend dates for a month while he is in on Sunday's. What do you mean talk about March?

 

This is his last contract because he is finishing up his OT license and then he is hoping to move to NYC.

[madjac74]

It was a fling. I wouldn't stress yourself out about it too much. Probably nothing will come of it but at least you have his contact info. I had a hotel bar fling that was amazing and felt so right. We parted ways so suddenly after having our dinners that I didn't even ask to exchange numbers. Never saw her again. oh well at least I had that moment

[d0nnivain]

Thank you for answering my reply. I'm not really sure what you mean. I understand the going on weekend dates for a month while he is in on Sunday's. What do you mean talk about March?

 

This is his last contract because he is finishing up his OT license and then he is hoping to move to NYC.

 

 

Then I misunderstood. First I thought these weekend meetings were dates so I didn't understand how you were struggling to ask him on a date.

 

 

As for March, I was encouraging you to talk about what will happen when he contract was up in advance of him having to make a decision to sign a new contract. .. . give him some peace of mind that he has something waiting for him in NYC. I also didn't realize he wasn't renewing with the cruise line.

 

 

I wouldn't offer to let him move in right away. In any relationship I think conventional dating is a prerequisite to living together, otherwise there is too much pressure.

[Anthonyl]

It was a fling. I wouldn't stress yourself out about it too much. Probably nothing will come of it but at least you have his contact info. I had a hotel bar fling that was amazing and felt so right. We parted ways so suddenly after having our dinners that I didn't even ask to exchange numbers. Never saw her again. oh well at least I had that moment

 

Hey there! Thank you for answering. I'm not really sure how it could be a fling if he wants to see me when the boat docks every Sunday. I mean he took my contact info. He wants "to be shown NYC and get to know [me]". Also while on the ship he is constantly saying hello and asking about my day (I know they are supposed by contract but he actually calls me by name). He when I was leaving a party on board he was working at he said "have a good night. I'll see you tomorrow."

 

Any ideas now?

[justwhoiam]

I spotted a very cute employee who I knew was gay

Did it ever come up while talking directly with him, either in person or through Facebook? Did he say he's gay?

 

I want to eventually take him on a date but I don't know when I should ask him

Well, I'm not sure how it works in the gay world, if there are customs or rules... but maybe, you being fairly younger than him, you could just put it out there, that you'd love being taken out on a date by someone like him... and in turn would then be very happy to show him around your city.

 

How long should I talk to him online before I ask him on a date since we already met in person?

A week?

 

How do I get him to take notice of me more than of other people he will see each week? I need a lot of advice here.

Be interesting. Let your chats be unique, and unlike any other he can have with other people. Stand out, in a positive way. Let him know you have an interesting life, friends, environment, etc. All that will make you very attractive. And let him do something too, at that point.

 

So when is he being in NYC the first time after swapping contacts?

[Anthonyl]

Did it ever come up while talking directly with him, either in person or through Facebook? Did he say he's gay?

 

Well, I'm not sure how it works in the gay world, if there are customs or rules... but maybe, you being fairly younger than him, you could just put it out there, that you'd love being taken out on a date by someone like him... and in turn would then be very happy to show him around your city.

 

A week?

 

Be interesting. Let your chats be unique, and unlike any other he can have with other people. Stand out, in a positive way. Let him know you have an interesting life, friends, environment, etc. All that will make you very attractive. And let him do something too, at that point.

 

So when is he being in NYC the first time after swapping contacts?

 

 

Hey! Thank you for replaying to my post!

 

 

1) It is very obvious that he is gay but he did mention his ex-boyfriend.

2) Well he suggested that we meet up when he is in port on Sundays to show him around NYC. He told me that it might be a little bit of time before he gets internet access since his contract just started on this ship.

3) We have already met in person since we were on the same ship for a week.

4) Well he will be in NYC every Sunday morning and early afternoon until his contract is over.

 

 

Just a little extra information, I said "I would love to stay in contact but you don't have a cell phone." He said "Then let's stay in contact on Facebook. I will be more accessible then and then we can figure out when to hangout when I am in port."

 

 

I mean does it show some sort of promise?

[justwhoiam]

Hey! Thank you for replaying to my post!

You're welcome

 

he did mention his ex-boyfriend.

Ok!

 

he suggested that we meet up when he is in port on Sundays to show him around NYC.

Ok. He had an informal approach, and suggested something casual. If I were you, I'd go with something classic and something unusual, not to go wrong. He can be with you from morning to afternoon, but he may well spend just a couple of hours with you. So, what I would do is mix up something fun and memorable with something that he can pick or something classic about the city. For example (but here you'd need to know in advance how long he's willing to be with you, but for point 1 & 2 alone, consider 2.5 hours, the rest can be or not be there):

1. breakfast together in some nice café, or walking around greenwich village while eating a bagel

2. surprise/fun time (like for instance there's a scavenger hunt for adults in an area of NYC you prefer, which will take 1.5 hours)

3. ask him if he wants to see your place or do something else (so he can do something he likes)

4. take him to a famous spot in Manhattan (Grand Central, Times Square, Empire State Building...)

 

If he doesn't fall for you, at least you'll both have cool memories! You can follow that schedule, with new things every time for a couple of times, max three times. After that, you need to let him know you would like him to take you out on a date. And then see his reaction.

 

Then come back here, so you tell us if it's working

[Anthonyl]

You're welcome

 

Ok!

 

Ok. He had an informal approach, and suggested something casual. If I were you, I'd go with something classic and something unusual, not to go wrong. He can be with you from morning to afternoon, but he may well spend just a couple of hours with you. So, what I would do is mix up something fun and memorable with something that he can pick or something classic about the city. For example (but here you'd need to know in advance how long he's willing to be with you, but for point 1 & 2 alone, consider 2.5 hours, the rest can be or not be there):

1. breakfast together in some nice café, or walking around greenwich village while eating a bagel

2. surprise/fun time (like for instance there's a scavenger hunt for adults in an area of NYC you prefer, which will take 1.5 hours)

3. ask him if he wants to see your place or do something else (so he can do something he likes)

4. take him to a famous spot in Manhattan (Grand Central, Times Square, Empire State Building...)

 

If he doesn't fall for you, at least you'll both have cool memories! You can follow that schedule, with new things every time for a couple of times, max three times. After that, you need to let him know you would like him to take you out on a date. And then see his reaction.

 

Then come back here, so you tell us if it's working

 

Those are awesome ideas and thank you for giving sound advice!

[madjac74]

Hey there! Thank you for answering. I'm not really sure how it could be a fling if he wants to see me when the boat docks every Sunday. I mean he took my contact info. He wants "to be shown NYC and get to know [me]". Also while on the ship he is constantly saying hello and asking about my day (I know they are supposed by contract but he actually calls me by name). He when I was leaving a party on board he was working at he said "have a good night. I'll see you tomorrow."

 

Any ideas now?

 

I would say just keep it friendly and go with the flow. Don't try to rush anything. You probably aren't the first guest he has flirted with and he probably has many ports where he needs to occupy his time. Many people in the hospitality industry are trained to remember guests by name to make them feel more welcome.

[Anthonyl]

I would say just keep it friendly and go with the flow. Don't try to rush anything. You probably aren't the first guest he has flirted with and he probably has many ports where he needs to occupy his time. Many people in the hospitality industry are trained to remember guests by name to make them feel more welcome.

 

Thank you for replying to my thread. I agree with your sentiment.

 

However we are now friends on Facebook to stay in contact with each other. I understand that they are to learn some guests names but he seemed to enjoy talking to me. He said "I wish we met early so we could have gone out together while in port." He also apologized to me for not being able to hang out with me while on the ship because the employees are watched to make sure there is no fraternizing with the guests. It was also his idea to exchange contact information so I can show him around NYC. On the last night I said "I just want to say goodbye if I don't get to see you tomorrow before I leave." He turned to me and said "Don't worry I will message you when I get internet and I learn my schedule for Sundays when we are in port and we can meet." So I messaged him last night when he accepted me facebook request and he answered a few hours later with emojis and exclamation points.

 

What do you think of this now?

 

I am trying to calm my anxiety about this because it blindsided me. I didn't expect to go on a cruise and meet someone.

Edited September 7, 2015 by Anthonyl

[lwalter]

Don't stress about it and follow your heart!