Nic Turner Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 Just wanted to vent because I can't hold these feelings any longer and I'm losing myself and starting to breakdown. I had a good friend for a few months and she had a lot of problems in her life. I felt like she is a genuinely nice person and a lot of people took advantage of her. I helped her through most of it and she started depending on me with her problems. We got close and we started a relationship but I didn't feel love for her so I told her we should remain friends. I couldn't handle her when I was in relationship with her.. she was completely obsessed with me. She would test me all the time by making her friends ask me questions, by making fake accounts using different names. She would cry if I mentioned about my female friends. She would constantly test me if I cared about her or not. I just couldn't handle her drama anymore.. After I broke it off, we remained friends. She told me things like " You left me, I'm gonna commit suicide". I stopped talking to her but her friends begged me to talk to her again so she wouldn't do anything stupid. I tried to help her and I took the blame. She got diagnosed with cancer and she is refusing to take her treatment or medicine because I'm not her boyfriend and I'm not with her. I am begging her everyday to take her treatment but she refuses. She can get better if she does her treatment but she won't. She won't eat properly. Her friends are blaming me for all this and I can't handle the guilt anymore. I actually started crying because of this and I feel anxious all the time. I can't do anything properly anymore and no matter how much I ask her to take care of herself, she won't. She tells me " Why should I get healthy? You are not with me". She's not forcing me to be in relationship with her but the fact that I'm not with her anymore is why she refuses to take care of her health. I'm afraid if something happens to her, her family and friends will be come to my door or something. I feel like she's sick because of me and the guilt is killing me everyday. Link to post Share on other sites
Qboro90 Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 This girl obviously has problems and most likely it's something that needs to be treated with medication. It is not your responsibility to date this girl. You're not her hostage boyfriend no matter what the situation is. I know it sucks when she says insane things about hurting herself but my guess is that it's just desperation to try and guilt you back to being with her. Her friends have no right to tell you what you should do and it's your fault. That's not true. I think you should contact her family and express your concern about her taking her medication. Explain that you care about her and have told her yourself many times but you have other commitments you need to honor and want to make sure she's looked after before you leave. You've done more than enough already. If she is so insane as to risk her own health and life for a guy then it will only get worse if you give in and go back to her. Also, are you sure that her health issues are true? How do you know it's not all a ploy to make you feel guilty? This is really crazy behavior on her part. If I were you I'd tell her I was moving away or going on vacation with my family so that she doesn't contact me for a while. Block her number, don't contact her anymore. If her friends and her don't have access to you then they can't make you feel guilty and will be forced to deal with her themselves. Get away as fast as u can Link to post Share on other sites
courtneykay Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 I hate to assume the worst, but I have to echo qboro in asking if you have any proof that she actually has these medical issues. Sadly, this is one of the oldest tricks in the book that people use online for attention and to garner sympathy. She is being incredibly manipulative and in my opinion you only have one option, which is to block all forms of contact with her. It is not right for her to threaten to commit suicide and blame it on you. I'm currently trying to help my friend with this because her ex bf is saying the same things to her. I will tell you what I told her, this is all manipulation, and it is NOT fair. You do not deserve to be treated this way. This girl needs professional help and you can not give that to her. Sure maybe giving in and talking to her will provide temporary relief to this issue, but it's not a long term solution, and it's only going to make it harder when you continue to try to remove yourself from her life. I understand it's hard and you did care for this person at one point, you may still even care about them. But it's not your responsibility to take care of her or make her take her medicine (if she really is sick.) She can't put the blame on you. Get out before she tries to manipulate you further. Link to post Share on other sites
casey.lives Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 This might sound flattering or exciting but really it's a very dangerous situation. Proceed with caution. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 Sorry, but I would be very skeptical of her cancer claims. Do you have any verifiable proof that she is ill? Can you contact her family? This girl is not well, but I'm speaking in psychological terms. The next time she threatens suicide, you contact emergency services in her area and report it. Don't tell her you're going to do it - just do it. She is not a well person. It's sad, but you are not responsible for her or any health problems she may or may not have. Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 Hi Nic, Welcome to LS. I had a good friend for a few months I read your entire post, but it was very confusing. Here you say she was a good friend. Then you said you told her to just be friends because you don't love her, but you also wrote that you were in a relationship with her and then broke it off. 1. Why were you in a relationship with her if you didn't love her? 2. Is this just some virtual relationship? Or did you meet the girl for real and date her or something? 3. What was the deal between you two? a lot of people took advantage of her How? she started depending on me with her problems Like she felt she had a reason to live for? We got close and we started a relationship but I didn't feel love for her You don't start a relationship with someone you don't love. So I'm sorry you now feel guilty, but you messed up with someone psychologically weak, and that was bad. You ended up being the nth person she couldn't trust. I can't tell what came first, the chicken or the egg, if she started being terrible before or after you made it apparent that you didn't love her. She was just desperate. Let's say you first blocked the hole in the boat with your finger, then, when you got tired, you took the finger out and let the boat sink. Now you can't really complain if she's drowning. I know she could just grab a life belt, but she prefers letting herself go, and you shouldn't care, because you let the boat sink: just swim to the shore and don't look back. I am begging her everyday to take her treatment but she refuses. How old are you both? Why do you care so much if she takes her treatment or not? So that you won't feel guilty about it? That sense of guilt is in your heart, not coming from other people. Also, as others said, we can't tell whether she has cancer or not, but if she's very young, cancer can be lethal anyway. She can get better if she does her treatment but she won't What kind of treatment? And how better? Does better mean she can bear pain better? How come she was given treatment and the cancer was not removed? That doesn't sound good. I actually started crying because of this and I feel anxious all the time. You need to detach yourself from the situation and start analyzing all the elements you have. How well do you know this girl? Do you know where she lives? Do you know all her family members by talking with them face to face? Do you know her mobile number and landline number? School she's attending or job? I'm afraid if something happens to her, her family and friends will be come to my door or something. Play the breakdown card. Tell all her friends that you've been diagnosed with severe depression because of this girl and the doctor prescribed you need to stop talking to any of them. You then remove all of them from social media, whatever, girl included. And then you start moving on with your life. Link to post Share on other sites
emi Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 I have known some people like faking sad circumstance, fatal disease and all kind of drama just to manipulate you. Block her, her friends, everything Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 If you do talk to her again & she says she is going to kill herself, hang up & call the police where she lives. It is a crime to commit suicide (which is stupid but . . .). They can handle it. People who threaten suicide are manipulative. Given her cancer I'm sure she's depressed but none of this is your fault & you don't have the power or the skill set to fix it Link to post Share on other sites
ImmortalDracula Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 Yes a problem I have come across. True madness disconnected from actual reality and theybeleive everything the say no matter how incoherent, without loigic, rational etc. But then none of us are normal. I myself quite mad, with a higher than sane cat number, and housebound with CFS (bad name for a terrible lurgy – it has many names). May I ask did she test you by creating fake accounts and calling you a liar and cheat and come out with outré - outrageous comments about you, all your friends were whores and liars – and you were the original Lothario- patient zero, and she had so much proof of you cheating does that sound familiar and how all her friends thought you were a devious lying scumbag and all your friends utters whores and meaningless and worthless? It’s not depression or bipolar – that can form part of the mix, just not it all. How many hours could she test you, an hour, or many days, sustained. Did she also try to isolate you from all your couple of friends etc Does she claim you are the first person she has ever been like that with? Does she block you for a day or few and come back with a new sustained tirade Anyhoos, I am stumped for once in my life I know of such confused urchins x 3 in my lifetime. They exhibit a plethora of strange symptoms; depression, perhaps bipolar, utter incoherent madness and ludicrous claims based in nothing of reality, and then prescriptive abuse will be unleashed upon you in a sustained prolonged manner few have, will ever bare (bear meh) witness too Link to post Share on other sites
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