Jump to content

Where do we meet for the first time?


Recommended Posts

Hello! I am so happy to finally find a decent advice forum. :)

 

 

So, here's a bit of the background...I met a man through a common interest site-not a dating site. We started messaging, through the site's "community". He is working in another country but will be going home to his home state, next month. At that point, we'll still be about 1400 miles apart. We've already planned to see each other right away. We Skype a couple of times everyday, as well as texting and phone calls. We've grown to know quite a bit about each other. As a woman who has experiences much heartache, I'm still leery. Maybe I watch too much dateline murder episodes! LOL! I would absolutely love to fly to his state, as I've never visited and it's a place that I would enjoy visiting! I am extremely excited to be in the same area as him, just to actually touch him and see how we interact in real life! We get along extremely well and have quite a bit in common, as for morals, family life and goals. It's been a long time since I've had someone (a man) so respectful and genuine in my life.

I'm curious to hear what any of you would do in this situation.

Thanks much!

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Because you said you independently have an interest in going to his city, I'd book a long weekend there for yourself & arrange whatever sightseeing things you would enjoy. Let him know when you will be in town & arrange a dinner date / meet in a public place. I may or may not share my hotel location just for safety. I would let other people know where you will be & arrange "check ins". The I would see how things play out.

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites

I'd meet at a date-y place like a cafe or restaurant, treat the first meeting as a first date basically. Then see how it goes from there.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 weeks later...

well... looks good for you. go and meet him. if you don't you'll always wonder what if. have a friend go with you if your uneasy that way they'll be there if something happens. i went to texas to meet mine for the first time and it turned out great. he wasn't a creep at all. in fact i liked him even more when i saw him.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Thanks, everyone! Laurah, I hope that my experience is similar. We're only a few weeks out...trying to work out the details. We're still not sure who is going where. It's getting more and more difficult not being with him; he feels the same way.

 

 

We're both very active so I'm sure it won't be difficult to find a date idea. :) Laura, did you meet as a regular date or did he pick you up at the airport and all of that good "Stuff"?

Link to post
Share on other sites

its funny because i was going to stay with my work friend but then his grandma said that he and her wanted me to stay there. i sensed that he wasn't a creep so i did it. i stayed at his house the whole time and it was fine. his family made me feel very welcome into the house and even took me out to dinner the first night. then they even told people to move to another seat in the car because they wanted us to sit next to each other.

 

then two nights ago he proposed to me and said he was buying a ring for me when he gets paid. we always send kiss and heart emoticons in text and text a lot because of the distance.

Edited by laurah
Link to post
Share on other sites
Where do we meet for the first time?
Pick three or four restaurants in your city to cater different tastes (refined, informal, exotic, romantic/cosy) and then let him have a look at the websites/pictures. He'll pick what he prefers among them. Then you choose date and time to meet him there for your first date.

 

Be sure you have a taxi number with you to call for when the dinner is over and ideas for places to go to after dinner, in case you want to spend more time with him.

 

Taxi: because you'd be able to spend more time talking to each other or focus on him, and the first destination would be his hotel, when you say bye bye, and second destination your home, where you'll go to after he went to his hotel. With a taxi, you won't be totally alone anyway.

 

If it's a Saturday night, and he wants to see you the next day too, arrange something for the next day, depending on his flight departure. Plan that during the night, only if you want to be with him more, so that you don't feel forced to meet him the next day.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 weeks later...

I would suggest that you go to a place where you move. Sitting down can be uncomfortable the first time you meet someone. Go take an ice cream in the park, play bowling or take a hike.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Thank you to all of you, for your advice. We finally set a plan a couple weeks out.....now after talking several times a day, for a few months, I haven't heard anything for over a day. After thoughtful household gifts and amazing conversation-nothing.

I'm old enough to have had doubts but it still hurts. Good luck to all of you.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Thank you to all of you, for your advice. We finally set a plan a couple weeks out.....now after talking several times a day, for a few months, I haven't heard anything for over a day. After thoughtful household gifts and amazing conversation-nothing.

I'm old enough to have had doubts but it still hurts. Good luck to all of you.

 

What do you mean? Have you met up with him yet?

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

No. He's still overseas. He'll be going to his home state within the week. We decided on a date of mid October that he would make a visit to see me. We've never gone any longer than sleeping time, without talking. I have no idea what happened. It has now been 28 hours. I'm sure he's asleep now, so I continue to wait.

Link to post
Share on other sites
No. He's still overseas. He'll be going to his home state within the week. We decided on a date of mid October that he would make a visit to see me. We've never gone any longer than sleeping time, without talking. I have no idea what happened. It has now been 28 hours. I'm sure he's asleep now, so I continue to wait.

 

28 hours is not very long. Are you really worried? Have you texted or messaged him?

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Yes; I am worried. I have texted a couple of short messages and tried calling last night. Like I said, we talk several times a day. He typically texts or Skypes as soon as he wakes up or I wake up. So...28 hours does seem like a long time. I'm far from young and naïve. I've been very cautious about this situation. It just kind of fell in front of me and I fell for him.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Yes; I am worried. I have texted a couple of short messages and tried calling last night. Like I said, we talk several times a day. He typically texts or Skypes as soon as he wakes up or I wake up. So...28 hours does seem like a long time. I'm far from young and naïve. I've been very cautious about this situation. It just kind of fell in front of me and I fell for him.

 

But there's no reason for him to suddenly stop being in touch, right?

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

I sure didn't think there was a reason.

I could be completely mistaken but I thought I might have heard him say those 3 words at the end of one phone call, but our calls are sometimes cutting in and out. I didn't really think about it until we hung up. We talked again one time after that. That was the end. 2 days ago. I can tell when he is logged into Skype. I'm just trying my best to focus on my kids and work. I just feel like there has to be some sort of explanation. Even if it's another woman, then I would know. I'd be hurt but I could move on.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

No. I'm having a really tough time with it. I last spoke to him, 6 days before he was scheduled to go home. I texted, messaged through Skype, called, and emailed, with no response. He bought me a couple of large (practical) gifts, within the prior week. He talked about all of the things that we would do together...everyday life. I run through all of the different scenarios of what might have gone wrong. I wish I had an explanation. He's now been home all week. Maybe that was a lie too. It was probably all a lie. Why would someone spend so much time communicating and sent such thoughtful gifts, then stop ALL communication? I'm incredibly confused.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin

Gonna be honest with you. I think you were an internet fantasy for him while he was away from home. Someone to enjoy spending the time with and have a fantasy relationship with. Now that he's back home and back to the reality of his real life, he's put this internet romance behind him. It's probably very likely that he's got someone at home and always knew your meeting in October wouldn't happen.

 

Regardless of his reason for completely doing an about face, he's a complete douche bag for leading you on like that then completely cutting you off. A nasty, using, Class-A douche bag.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Lois, I agree! I'm finally coming to terms with it as hard as it may be. Each day will get better. Thanks for the laugh! ?I guess I'm to nice to understand how people can be so MEAN!!!!

Link to post
Share on other sites
Gonna be honest with you. I think you were an internet fantasy for him while he was away from home. Someone to enjoy spending the time with and have a fantasy relationship with. Now that he's back home and back to the reality of his real life, he's put this internet romance behind him. It's probably very likely that he's got someone at home and always knew your meeting in October wouldn't happen.

 

Regardless of his reason for completely doing an about face, he's a complete douche bag for leading you on like that then completely cutting you off. A nasty, using, Class-A douche bag.

I honestly have a hard time getting these kinds of men. He even bought her presents... what were they, checkout gifts? Or (this would make me puke) a way to pay her for her service? No comment.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
I honestly have a hard time getting these kinds of men. He even bought her presents... what were they, checkout gifts? Or (this would make me puke) a way to pay her for her service? No comment.

 

 

It sure doesn't make sense. Does it? It kind of messed with my mind and emotions. Some people SUCK (for lack of better words). All I have to say is that he better not contact me, once he leaves the states again, in November.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...