PandaMan22 Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 Hi, I've been in a relationship with a girl I met about 18 months ago. She's cute, sweet and has the warmest smile I've ever experienced. I love her a lot and she loves me. We dated casually about 6 months, she moved and we were exclusive about 6, then casually again for 6 after I found I couldn't trust her anymore. Found text messages about her bragging about dating 5 different guys. Throughout our relationship there have been consistent trust issues. First: She's married, she'd been wanting separation for a while and she moved out of he husband's place to live with me before she moved away for school. Her husband came to visit her twice (8 hour drive) and she let him sleep in her bed, and she claims absolutely nothing, not even a hug, happened. She said he wants to visit her again for her bday. Second: Most of our time in our relationship wasn't fully exclusive. She would hide anything she did or lie about it. Like sleeping at a guy's house early in our connection and lying about how far they went. At first, nothing happened, then months later, I find they kissed, months again- that more happened, and so on. To this day I keep finding new things about the past that she's been lying about. Typically I find out through her slipping. Third: Recently she spent 2 separate nights out saying she was going to her friends or family and I later found she had barebacked her ex-boss. Fourth: We have very different views on money, I love saving and she doesn't. She tried breaking up with me over it several times, but I'd simply get curious and we'd communicate through it. She snuck through my phone early on. Now I find myself sneaking at her phone and I hate it. I feel myself crumbling the longer I'm with her. I talked with less esteem to her, didn't treat her as well as when I fully trusted her. She literally just left 2 days ago (stayed 2 months-snuck out twice for her ex-boss) and my heart really misses her, but reading this is an eye opener as I know I cannot trust her at all and that is essential for my relationships. She wants me to come down this weekend, I told her today about the trust issues and how it doesn't work out. How I don't want to slip back down where we can't trust each other. I feel my character coming back, I feel myself more social and sensitive to life. I can care for my health more and focus more. I can also explore sides of me I haven't fully dived into. But I'm scared as she's the only partner I've had so far I could live with, every day living with her was joyous in some way (About 4 months in total living together). Though often exhausting for short periods as we process our trust issues. I know we could work it out, but I feel like I'd both be settling for mediocrity as I feel myself losing my sense of character the more I'm with her. I feel like letting her go would be vastly healthier. Some part of me still fights it at every step. Even saying it wouldn't work I slipped with an I love you after bye. Should I give it another shot as my heart and hers both want to, or let her go and create room for the new, one I can trust and who I feel colors life even more vividly? I want clarity more than anything. Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 Question: was she paying her share to live at your place? That means half the rent, bills, food, etc. Anyway, make room for the new. She tried to break up several times already, she wants freedom, and your goals are different. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 I know we could work it out, but I feel like I'd both be settling for mediocrity as I feel myself losing my sense of character the more I'm with her. I feel like letting her go would be vastly healthier. Some part of me still fights it at every step. Even saying it wouldn't work I slipped with an I love you after bye. Should I give it another shot as my heart and hers both want to, or let her go and create room for the new, one I can trust and who I feel colors life even more vividly? Are you masochistic? Nothing about this relationship is good for you. She's married. In addition to a husband she has 5 BFs not including you. You snoop through her phone because you don't trust her, not that she deserves trust because she's a dishonest manipulative selfish person. You need to make a clean break & run to a doctor for a full STD work up immediately! Yikes 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author PandaMan22 Posted August 3, 2015 Author Share Posted August 3, 2015 Thank you for all the replies, I really appreciate it. JustWhoIAm: She was not paying for half of food, rent, or transportation. I'm in a better financial position than her so I take the heavier load in most of the ways. d0nnivain Are you masochistic? I don't think so or want to be, I enjoy pleasure and don't enjoy pain at all, but there's some truth there as I've stayed this long already. I have been getting STD tested every month or 2 and I'm doing okay there. These lines had a soothing effect: Nothing about this relationship is good for you. She doesn't deserve trust. Make room for the new. She tried to break up several times already, she wants freedom, and your goals are different. Seriously, thank you for the support so far. Letting her go is the healthier option for my life long-term. I don't know why it's so hard to let her go and be at total peace with it considering the circumstances. It's my longest relationship but I've never felt so much distrust in a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted August 4, 2015 Share Posted August 4, 2015 Thank you for all the replies, I really appreciate it. You're welcome She was not paying for half of food, rent, or transportation. I'm in a better financial position than her so I take the heavier load in most of the ways. She was in to take advantage. For the future, do not settle for such a deal. Only share your place with a girl that you really trust and IF you're being exclusive. In any other case, if you still feel like sharing, have her pay her share. Freeloaders will ran away fast. Link to post Share on other sites
moys Posted August 4, 2015 Share Posted August 4, 2015 Hi, I've been in a relationship with a girl I met about 18 months ago. She's cute, Third: Recently she spent 2 separate nights out saying she was going to her friends or family and I later found she had barebacked her ex-boss. I stopped reading here. You know what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts