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Having a Serious Relationship Online


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Has any of you ever successfully met and married someone whom you've met online? If so, here's my question for you and anyone else can answer this too. What does it take for someone who is online, someone you never even met, to cultivate your attention when there are plenty of people in the flesh you could be talking to, meeting or possibly developing something serious with? I never quite understood that. Anyone care to decipher that?

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I met a guy online and we both turned our lives upside down to be together. We had 14 months of honeymoon bliss and then 18 months of pure hell. The ending of that relationship is what brought me to this site in 2008.

 

Four years ago, I met another guy online and it has worked out splendidly. We got married and it has been splendid.

 

For me, there were no guys whom I met in the flesh that ever developed into anything worthwhile. And I tried for years. I dated TONS of guys - both from meeting in "in real life" and via the 'net.

 

Ultimately, I went online because my particular range of interests were so varied and diverse, I met very few men who complemented my ideas or could expand upon them.

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I randomly met my bf online. He was in a chat room bc he feels that his friends don't intellectually stimulate him and the ones that do he doesn't share their opinions on things like politics. So I guess he felt lonely I was just bored and stuck inside. We both thought we would talk once and never talk again. We talked on the phone for 5 hrs for our first conversation. He said the day after he knew he loved and I knew I loved him a little less than a week later. He lives in a state that is not known for attractive women. I think he was looking for his trophy wife. He joked the girls where he lives are so unattractive he has to import someone.

 

He is almost everything I look for in a man. I'm what he has been looking for in a woman. It would be easier for me to replace him than it is for me. I was looking for an intelligent male atheist who is non judgmental, fun, honest, and loyal. He was looking for a female atheist who is kind and intelligent. That limits his dating pool bc there are more male atheist. Also sometimes looks have to be sacrificed for intelligence. But looks are a bonus with me. Both of us are able to talk about any topic not many people are capable of that. He is also very understanding of my job. Most guys have a hard time accepting it.

 

When he asked me to meet him I thought he was insane. I could have locally met someone it might have been a little difficult but he would have a harder time meeting someone where he lives. So far things are great he wants to marry me. Our story sounds crazy but I think it will be a great story to tell our grand kids when we're old. I told him meeting you is either the best thing I could have done or the stupidest so we'll see what happens.

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HWhat does it take for someone who is online, someone you never even met, to cultivate your attention when there are plenty of people in the flesh you could be talking to, meeting or possibly developing something serious with?

 

It is easier online. In the flesh it is much harder to hide your true self especially if you spontaneously meet someone. There are no physical first impressions online...those come as a huge surprise later on after you have been reeled in by what you believe to be their actual personality which may also be entirely different in the physical world.

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What does it take for someone who is online, someone you never even met, to cultivate your attention when there are plenty of people in the flesh you could be talking to, meeting or possibly developing something serious with?

Consistency

Seriousness

Total openness

Physical attraction

Creativity/Intelligence

All that just to begin with.

 

The net is just a matter of opportunity. Greater chance of meeting a broader spectrum of people. It's like a restaurant with 3 dishes vs one with 8 different menus. Where is it more likely that you will find something you like? It's easily explained.

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It is easier online. In the flesh it is much harder to hide your true self especially if you spontaneously meet someone.

It's easier to approach people online. It's much harder to make a real relationship work.

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Lois_Griffin
Has any of you ever successfully met and married someone whom you've met online? If so, here's my question for you and anyone else can answer this too. What does it take for someone who is online, someone you never even met, to cultivate your attention when there are plenty of people in the flesh you could be talking to, meeting or possibly developing something serious with? I never quite understood that. Anyone care to decipher that?

I really can't understand it, either.

 

For most, I think it's loneliness and boredom. I can't even imagine bothering with someone who lives 1,000 miles away and forming an online 'relationship' with them. I don't want to date my keyboard nor do I want my entire 'relationship' to be with someone I've never met in person. It all just seems so incredibly pointless to me.

 

Would I rather spend a Saturday evening with a nice gentleman having dinner and drinks somewhere close to home, or sitting in my living room chatting away on Skype and pledging my 'love' to someone I never met in person?

 

Yeah. I'll take the first choice, thank you.

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I really can't understand it, either.

 

For most, I think it's loneliness and boredom. I can't even imagine bothering with someone who lives 1,000 miles away and forming an online 'relationship' with them. I don't want to date my keyboard nor do I want my entire 'relationship' to be with someone I've never met in person. It all just seems so incredibly pointless to me.

 

Would I rather spend a Saturday evening with a nice gentleman having dinner and drinks somewhere close to home, or sitting in my living room chatting away on Skype and pledging my 'love' to someone I never met in person?

 

Yeah. I'll take the first choice, thank you.

 

I'd rather date my keyboard right now, less arguments, washing up and heartbreak.

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I've known several. "What it takes" is really simple - an unprecedented connection that is worth sacrificing instant gratification for.

 

That being said, I wouldn't consider things too 'serious' (as per the thread title) until said couple has met in person at least once. All of the couples I mention above met as soon as they could, and kept meeting as often as they could until one of them could relocate.

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Met my SO through a friend online. We met in person 2 months after our online meeting. We did the LDR thing for 2 years, visiting each other every couple of months. We slept with Skype on, the whole 9 yards. We moved in together December of 2011. I just had our first baby in June. We are going very strong. :) Now I can't imagine us being apart for so long!!

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zebracolors

As you can see from some of the previous responses, it can work for some people. I was one it didn't work for. I was one in a so-called relationship online with someone I met online. But visiting each other would have been difficult as he was in another country, and ultimately, I never was able to go visit him. I learned later about some critical things about being in an ldr with someone you meet online, and not feeling like you are going insane. Both should be on the same page about what the end goal is(far as where you see the relationship going), and that end goal should include a way to eventually end the distance part. Also if you can't end the distance soon, you need at least somewhat regular visits for that physical bonding. I know now, that's why that LDR was never going to work out.

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Michelle ma Belle
I've known several. "What it takes" is really simple - an unprecedented connection that is worth sacrificing instant gratification for.

 

That being said, I wouldn't consider things too 'serious' (as per the thread title) until said couple has met in person at least once. All of the couples I mention above met as soon as they could, and kept meeting as often as they could until one of them could relocate.

 

Bang on yet again Elswyth

 

There are lots of pros and cons to LDR and just like any relationship, it only works if you both want it to. It isn't for everyone particular the weak and insecure but if you're fortunate to find the right partner it can be pretty damn spectacular.

 

I would also agree that it's in your best interest not to consider yourself in any kind of "serious" relationship or make future plans to wed until you've at least met in person once. It's also ideal to meet up as often as possible but establishing at least one physical connection is better than none at all.

 

And sometimes great online relationships do not transfer successfully in the real world for a variety of reasons therefore it's best to figure that out sooner rather than later.

 

There are lots of happy endings with LDR :)

 

Good luck.

Edited by Michelle ma Belle
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I had a LDR before. He was in another country (Bahamaian) We have known each other for years before finally meeting in person. He came to visit me, and the first time, it was fantastic. He said he wanted to move here permanently, but I told him to make sure his finances were straight first. He said they were and bought a one-way ticket here. Long story short, he got here and had a nervous breakdown on me and was paranoid about everything and swearing up and down that everyone was out to get him, including me, and broke things off with me and still to this day, believes that I am the bad guy. He has since then dated someone else and things didn't work out with them either and that was that. I have known another guy for years, who lives in Seattle, and we talk quite a bit have seen each other on cam. We talk on the phone. He has even sent me money on several occasions if I need help or something and sends me birthday cards every year, which is sweet, but after that situation that happened with the Bahamian dude, I am terrified at the thought of an LDR again or taking one serious for that matter.

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bubbaganoosh

Maybe it's because I'm 67 years old but I can't see how a serious relationship with someone you can't touch or sit next to.

 

I would want to see who I'm dating in person and judge for myself and I'm sure she would too.

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I can't see how a serious relationship with someone you can't touch or sit next to.

You're confusing a virtual relationship (that is two people who never met) with a real long-distance relationship (that is two people living in different places who do actually meet up, but not as often as a regular couple would).

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bubbaganoosh
You're confusing a virtual relationship (that is two people who never met) with a real long-distance relationship (that is two people living in different places who do actually meet up, but not as often as a regular couple would).

 

Whoops. Age showing. My bad

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