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LDR Boy friend wont talk or webcam


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BrunetteGamer

I've been in a LDR for 1 year with a guy I've met over an online video game. I won't go too much into details. Try getting straight to the point, but I'll at least say this we have yet to meet each other, but we plan to visit one another next year. The reason why I'm posting here is I need advice. My boyfriend and I have not really spent anytime talking to each other over the phone and have yet to do any webcam. We have talked a couple times, but he makes excuses he is not a phone person and is not comfortable with talking on the phone, which worries me. I don't understand why he would not want to talk to me, his own girl friend. At first it never bothered me so much with how we have been messaging on game and over messengers, since I cared about how he felt with not wanting to talk on the phone, but lately I've been wanting to talk to him and he wont :/ What's everyone's thoughts on this? What should I do? I'll answer to any questions.

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TaraMaiden2

Forget this BF/GF thing.

You are NOT Boyfriend and girlfriend.

 

Seriously, you're not.

 

You are a couple of people living miles apart, who have met through gaming and who have grown to like what you have written.

 

Honestly?

 

I have actually been a member of this forum for a very long time. (Take no notice of my 'join' date or post number. Trust me, I've been here a while.)

 

I've made quite a few buddies in those 10 years. Some female, and yes, a couple of guys.

 

There's one guy I even jokingly refer to as my Forum Husband.

He's lovely. I've seen his photo, and we have inter-acted on line both on forum and by PM.

 

If I were to meet him now, even after all this time, we might actually hate the sight of each other.

I might actually irritate the crap put of him, and he may not be anything like the person I have imagined him to be.

 

So no way would I ever logically take our 10-year banter seriously. No way do I actually even imagine he is 'my husband'.

 

So really, quit this BF/GF thing.

It's just a contrivance....

 

And the fact that you have never met, and now he won't skype/ talk, webcam?

 

Red flags and alarm bells, honey.

 

Break free, do your own stuff.

Do not shelve your life, and put dating aside for something which, sadly, exists mainly in your head.

 

Tell him - sorry - that you do not consider you to have any form of serious relationship without better communication.

If this is the top level of his commitment, then you can get much, much better closer to home.

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I've been in a LDR for 1 year with a guy I've met over an online video game.

You have NEVER met him!

 

I don't understand why he would not want to talk to me, his own girl friend.

You aren't his girlfriend. He probably has a wife and children.

 

Whatever you have created in your head in the way of relationship is all it is: In Your Head.

 

What's everyone's thoughts on this?

You have being catfished and have wasted a year of your life.

 

What should I do?

Start dating real people In Real Life.

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ExpatInItaly

Serious question, OP: How do you define "relationship"? What is your definition of a boyfriend?

 

I ask because I don't see how it's possible to claim you're this stranger's girlfriend when you've never even spoken to him. Why did you agree to this?

 

He's not speaking to you on the phone or by webcam because he's not who he says he is. There is something he's hiding from you and he knows if you found out you probably wouldn't want to talk to him anymore. I'd guess that he's not single. Or that he's not a man at all.

 

Don't waste any more time with this. Get out and meet real guys in your area and see what a real relationship should feel like. Hanging around on the computer, hoping to talk to a virtual stranger, is not a relationship.

 

Do you mind if I ask how old you are? How old does he say he is? What has he told you about himself, and have you been able to verify that any of that is true?

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OP you are NOT boyfriend and girlfriend. You have never met and have never Skyped or spoken to each other on the phone.

 

He is a digital distraction and nothing more. Please don't deceive yourself.

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That's highly suspicious. Please be careful and don't reveal any more personal information to him for your safety.

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I've been in a LDR for 1 year with a guy I've met over an online video game.
Better defined as a virtual relationship with someone you don't really know.

 

we have yet to meet each other, but we plan to visit one another next year.
Two years to arrange your first date, to meet him not to date him, but rather act as an official girlfriend? WTH? Are you that desperate? Have you ever had a boyfriend before?

But tell me this: do you know his home address? Cell phone number? Landline number? Do you know the names of his family members? Friends? Schoolmates/coworkers?

Make sure to know all of this. Get real facts about his life, then do a background check. After all that, you will be able to tell if he lied or not.

Also, feel free to write standard mail to his home address AND work (if he's old enough to work). If he's in college, you should also be able to write there too.

 

we have yet to meet each other, but have not really spent anytime talking to each other over the phone and have yet to do any webcam. We have talked a couple times, but he makes excuses he is not a phone person and is not comfortable with talking on the phone
So it looks like you talked on the phone twice, for a very short time. He may be disabled, with people around him at home, so not having enough privacy to talk to you on the phone. He may be in jail/prison, which would make it difficult to talk to you on the phone. He may have some sort of other difficult situation.

 

which worries me
It should definitely worry you. You should be worried for consenting to a relationship with someone you don't know, you have never seen and never even met! It's as if I hooked you up with my 57 year-old uncle who's 290 lbs in a blind date. Would you be happy about it? Looking forward to it?

 

Also, is there any sex talk between you two? How old are you both, supposedly?

 

I cared about how he felt with not wanting to talk on the phone
How is it OK that you care about how he feels, but he doesn't give a thing about how you feel? Doesn't it prove that this "relationship" is unbalanced?

 

What should I do?
If I were you, I'd write him: please don't contact me anymore other than for playing games. I want a real relationship and I'll start dating for real.
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Lois_Griffin

It's hard for him to talk on the phone or Skype with you with his wife and kids around all the time.

 

Why don't you call Neve from Catfish so can uncover the mystery of who this guy REALLY is? Don't be surprised when you arrive at his trailer only to find out he's really some emotionally stunted 42 year old unemployed guy in a stained t-shirt who has a wife and 4 kids.

 

Next time, don't waste your time on shady internet creeps.

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maybe he is seriously anti social buuuut if I had to guess I would say he lied about who he or she is, possibly age and maybe gender

 

 

99% chance he is a good 10 or 20 years older than what he told you, he has a girlfriend, or maybe is disabled or thinks hes ugly and afraid you will turn him down.

Edited by LifeNomad
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