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Friendship after LDR breakup?


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My ex and i are both 17 and had been together almost 4 months long distance. We live in the same state but two hours away, but it was tough and we only saw eachother twice because neither of us drive. In my opinion, we had the right love, just at the wrong time. Long story short he broke up with me about two weeks ago for the following reason (in his own words): "It was distance and the guilt, I just couldnt have a good time without worrying about you being mad at me for not texting and I knew that because I was going to be busy a lot hanging out with my friends every day it wouldnt be fair to you, and when I would have free time you'd be mad at me for not texting".

 

 

Our relationship came to a really abrupt stop and I was honestly really hurt initially because I really did love him and care about him and he promised me he'd love me forever no matter how much distance was between us, but things just started to get tough- we didn't fight or anything, we were just growing distant due to our conflicting schedules. At first I didn't understand but now I do, he's a teenage guy and wants to have his summer without worrying about a girlfriend who he can't even see that often, and that's fine, I wouldn't expect anything else from a guy his age. He explained that even though I may be able to see him a bit more since its summer, we'd just go back to the same struggle of seeing eachother every other month when school started again so I'm assuming he thought it would be better to end things sooner than later. Neither of us were really looking for a LDR but we gave it a try because we really loved eachother, but it didn't work out, so it's okay.

 

 

But anyways, he texted me randomly the night we broke up and asked if we could be friends and that if I didn't want to he understood, and I think I'm going to take him up on that offer. We started out as friends (even though it was kind of flirty) and he became one of my best friends, so I don't see why we'd have to just lose that friendship because our LDR didn't work out. I have no ill will or anger towards him, and as far I'm aware, he has none towards me. The break up was amicable and there was no harsh words exchanged from either of us. Neither of us cheated or did anything to hurt eacother. We haven't spoken in a week. We spoke once the day of the breakup and then once 6 days ago because I texted him to get closure so I could begin to try to move on and I told him I needed some time/space and he said he understood. I was thinking about texting him something really lighthearted/friendly/playful in 3 or 4 weeks so we could hopefully get our friendship going again. I understand that before I do this I have to get over him, so that's what I'm trying to do.

 

I know people mostly advise against staying friends after a breakup, but does this sound like a good situation to stay friends in? He's a really great guy, gives great advice, and he just kind of became an integral part of my life and I see no good reason to just let that go.

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StalwartMind

It doesn't matter what most people would advice. Just because the majority of the population believes in one thing or another, doesn't make it correct or more right. What is the best for each of us is a matter of perspective. I recognize a lot of what you say, and you sound like someone who has a better grasp at dealing with things, especially for your age range. This is not at all unusual to me, I was the same at your age (although I'm a male), and I do believe that your ability to look at things so sensible is something only very few people are do.

 

At first I was going to say that, you can actually expect different from a boy his age, because I know I was different, I still am today at the age of 34, and I'm not one who puts much thought into what the majority with anything think. I would encourage this friendship, because I know it can work, and it still is working for me. Yes guys and girls can be friends just fine, all those that will tell you otherwise are either ignorant or just can't control their emotions very well. If that offends anyone, then there's nothing I can really do about that, fact is we're all different.

 

Even if it doesn't turn out the way you both have imagined, you have at least given it a try. We have to take chances in life or everything because too predictable and we would rob ourselves of experiences that might help us become an even better person. Be proud of your attitude and ability to deal with this, you are already further ahead with sensibility, than some people ever achieve. So I'd recommend you go for it, but the choice is naturally yours, take any advice you read even from me as just that, advice. We all have to piece together the meaning of life ourselves, bit by bit, the world doesn't come with a manual on how to live, although some will tell you otherwise.

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You absolutely should remain friends. It sounds like you have a mutual love and respect for each other. You never know, down the road, under different circumstances you guys may decide to date again.

 

Most of the "no contact" advice you'll find on here is directed towards people who have had very long-term relationships end in a not-so-good way. Certainly not the case for you.

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It doesn't matter what most people would advice. Just because the majority of the population believes in one thing or another, doesn't make it correct or more right. What is the best for each of us is a matter of perspective. I recognize a lot of what you say, and you sound like someone who has a better grasp at dealing with things, especially for your age range. This is not at all unusual to me, I was the same at your age (although I'm a male), and I do believe that your ability to look at things so sensible is something only very few people are do.

 

At first I was going to say that, you can actually expect different from a boy his age, because I know I was different, I still am today at the age of 34, and I'm not one who puts much thought into what the majority with anything think. I would encourage this friendship, because I know it can work, and it still is working for me. Yes guys and girls can be friends just fine, all those that will tell you otherwise are either ignorant or just can't control their emotions very well. If that offends anyone, then there's nothing I can really do about that, fact is we're all different.

 

Even if it doesn't turn out the way you both have imagined, you have at least given it a try. We have to take chances in life or everything because too predictable and we would rob ourselves of experiences that might help us become an even better person. Be proud of your attitude and ability to deal with this, you are already further ahead with sensibility, than some people ever achieve. So I'd recommend you go for it, but the choice is naturally yours, take any advice you read even from me as just that, advice. We all have to piece together the meaning of life ourselves, bit by bit, the world doesn't come with a manual on how to live, although some will tell you otherwise.

 

 

 

I appreciate all of this so much, thank you! :)

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You absolutely should remain friends. It sounds like you have a mutual love and respect for each other. You never know, down the road, under different circumstances you guys may decide to date again.

 

Most of the "no contact" advice you'll find on here is directed towards people who have had very long-term relationships end in a not-so-good way. Certainly not the case for you.

 

 

 

Yeah that'd be awesome if that happened somewhere down the road! Thanks so much for your advice :)

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