JaneL00 Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 6 weeks ago I met a guy online He is 27 I'm 26 he lives half way across the country. When we first met he was super attentive and sweet he contacted me everyday. A week or 2 after we met we started saying I love you to each other. He asked me to meet him in person and I agreed. I'm supposed to meet him in 2 weeks. He said we will meet in his state for 1 week then in my state for 2 weeks a month after we first meet. Then if all goes well we will marry and he will move to my state. He already decided not to sign up for classes for his fall semester so he can move to be with me. He said he is taking extra hrs at work to make up for the missed time he's going to spend with me. He is a great guy and he is really sweet everything I'm looking for. Since I agreed to meet him we talk less and less. He says he's not a phone person but he will try harder and he does for a while then goes back to being inattentive. We've agreed to be exclusive he says he doesn't talk to other girls. He makes time to go out with his friends sometimes he will call me when he gets home for a few min but we haven't had many quality conversations lately. He only calls when he's at work or after a night out with friends. He called twice on sat didn't contact me on sunday he sent 1 text on monday and didn't reply to my response he didn't contact me yesterday today we played phone tag after I sent an angry text. I'm not sure what to do but I'm miserable. Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 JaneL, A week or 2 after we met we started saying I love you to each other. He asked me to meet him in person and I agreed. I'm supposed to meet him in 2 weeks. He said we will meet in his state for 1 week then in my state for 2 weeks a month after we first meet. Then if all goes well we will marry and he will move to my state. This is totally barmey ^^^ I don't know what you're smoking but you need to stop Please step out of that fantasy world you're in and have a reality check. When you've done that find a guy who lives in your area. PS in answer to your question, I wouldn't bother to do anything as it looks like he's checked out anyway. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 (edited) He said we will meet in his state for 1 week then in my state for 2 weeks a month after we first meet. Then if all goes well we will marry and he will move to my state. Uhm, what? Is 3 weeks all it takes to get married?? You don't really know him. You will know who he really is after having an argument with him, after a fight, or do you really think you won't have any for the rest of your life? Because the chance of that happening is 0.0000001%. He already decided not to sign up for classes for his fall semester so he can move to be with me. What's the plan? Is he getting a degree and giving that up? I don't get it. Please explain. He is a great guy and he is really sweet everything I'm looking for. Hmmm. You don't know anything about him. You don't know his family, his friends, you've never met him and already planning a marriage in less than, what, 2 months?? I won't argue about him being sweet, as he may well be, but do you know anything else besides that? Is he awkward? Asocial? Cyclically depressed? You know nothing, for heaven's sake. Since I agreed to meet him we talk less and less. That means it was quite easy for him to get you. You draw your own conclusions. We've agreed to be exclusive You were quite naive. First you had to meet him in person. Any deal had to come after that. He makes time to go out with his friends But he never made time for a date with you. You know, even if he can't temporarily come to you, that doesn't mean he can't have a night with you. A Saturday night to spend with you. Without his friends. Like a date. As he didn't think of it, you can set that up. You ask him: Are you free Saturday night? He will say: I have nothing planned yet. That's when you will say: Great. So we can have a date. Even if we can't meet yet, it doesn't mean we can't have a date. You can call me at 8 pm. We can have dinner together and then watch a movie. Anything you'd feel like watching? If he says he already has something planned, you pick Friday night, or the following weekend. If he can't have time for a date with you in 2 weeks, then you tell him you don't think it's a good idea meeting him in real life, because he's not willing to overcome difficulties, and you value that a lot, and the basics are not there to begin with. (Make sure it's either a Friday night or a Saturday night, the latter being better). He only calls when he's at work or after a night out with friends. He set a pattern that works for him. If you don't say anything about it, it means you accepted it and it's good for you too. If it isn't, then you need to tell him. You shouldn't be exclusive with any guy who feels like being your boyfriend part-time. we played phone tag What's phone tag? Please explain. Anyway, start being less available. Leave your phone home and go out. Switch the phone off and go to bed. He will start to understand that you're not at his feet all the time. Edited July 2, 2015 by justwhoiam Link to post Share on other sites
Fleur de cactus Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 You never met this guy and you already plan getting married?!!! He always call you from work. Probably he has another girl home, he does not want to know what he is doing. He doesn't want to take classes....!! Girl I think he is telling you what you want to hear. Interrupting his study for someone he never met?! And you believe him?! Slow down, to call or text for one week and see if he will remember the conversation you had. Probably he is telling same thing to others. Stop dreaming, take it slowly. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 I agree that the premise & pace of this "relationship" are ridiculous. Until 2 people have met IRL, this OL business is a fantasy. Do you understand that you are exchanging ILYs with a stranger? Even if you had met IRL 2 weeks is awfully fast. Most people do not consider marriage until they have been together IRL for at least 1 year. Meet him if you like but set up a lot of precautions if you are traveling to him. Whatever you do, do not give him any money. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 He's not mature enough to marry if he's not mature enough to handle his business. He shouldn't cancel his education over a girl he's been talking to for two weeks and has feelings for. Everything you've said about him so far points to him being unbalanced/unstable. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 Girl... Why in heaven's name have you more or less agreed to marry a person you don't know? Something is really not right about him and this whole situation. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fred123 Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 something aint right about her!!! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 Can we say, 'catfish?' Yes, we can. This guy's having fun screwing you around. Notice how it's YOU who has to travel to HIS state first? Come on. There aren't any real guys within a 50 mile radius of where you live, so you have to resort to 'meeting' freaks on the internet? Good God. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
PrettyEmily77 Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 I'm miserable. That's your answer right here, OP ^^^. If he's making you miserable, LDR or IRL, he's not a great guy and he can't be everything you're looking for because he's already treating you in a way that's making you feel bad. I suspect you won't have to do anything, he'll ghost on you all by himself; you can let him do that, or you can let him go first. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
drallafi Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 I'm supposed to meet him in 2 weeks. He said we will meet in his state for 1 week then in my state for 2 weeks a month after we first meet. Then if all goes well we will marry and he will move to my state. http://i63.photobucket.com/albums/h158/drallafi/what_zpsffaysp6s.gif Link to post Share on other sites
Author JaneL00 Posted July 26, 2015 Author Share Posted July 26, 2015 I met him and he was wonderful. He explained he hadn't talked to me much because he was nervous about meeting me. I met his family and friends and they were lovely. He wants to meet my family too. He isn't relocating because he doesn't want to change schools. But I will relocate for him after we are married. Since meeting we are more in love than ever and he is completely normal. He's been extra sweet and more attentive after our visit. Link to post Share on other sites
madjac74 Posted July 26, 2015 Share Posted July 26, 2015 ALMOST EVERY guy is sweet and attentive on a first date! But marriage? Don't be a fool 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ohnoo Posted July 29, 2015 Share Posted July 29, 2015 (edited) Then if all goes well we will marry and he will move to my state. He already decided not to sign up for classes for his fall semester so he can move to be with me. And then... He isn't relocating because he doesn't want to change schools. But I will relocate for him after we are married. Funny how he changed his mind like that. Don't be surprised if next week he suddenly drops you because his feelings changed too. Edited July 29, 2015 by ohnoo typo 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 29, 2015 Share Posted July 29, 2015 And then... Funny how he changed his mind like that. Don't be surprised if next week he suddenly drops you because his feelings changed too. Exactly this. OP, why are you even considering marrying someone you barely know? Go back and read your first post. Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted July 29, 2015 Share Posted July 29, 2015 I met him and he was wonderful. He explained he hadn't talked to me much because he was nervous about meeting me. I met his family and friends and they were lovely. He wants to meet my family too. He isn't relocating because he doesn't want to change schools. But I will relocate for him after we are married. Since meeting we are more in love than ever and he is completely normal. He's been extra sweet and more attentive after our visit. Uh huh. Well alrighty, then. Link to post Share on other sites
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