Hjas Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 (edited) Hello, Long time reader here although this is my first post. Just some quick background. I met a girl one year ago and everything was wonderful. We live in different cities and when I came back to my hometown we decided not to start a long distance relationship but keep in contact and see how things develop. After some months it turned out to feel and look like a long distance relationship because we talk or text nearly everyday, we share everything, we talk during hours on weekends and we don't date or sleep with other people. Although we have kept saying we are not in a relationship. I plan to visit her in some weeks and ending this situation and start a proper relationship, although when I will come back home it will be a long distance relationship till we live in the same city. The thing is that I found out on Facebook she went on a night out with her work colleagues and she didn't tell me. I didn't ask specifically but on weekends we always share everything we have done during the week. I wanted to tell her I know it but at the same time I think, as we are not officially in a relationship, she deserves to not share everything, although it's something I do. But at the same time I wonder why she didn't tell me. If I tell her I know we will probably have an argue and maybe it will ruin our plans to meet so I really don't know what to do to get rid of this weird feeling. Edited June 24, 2015 by Hjas Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hjas Posted June 24, 2015 Author Share Posted June 24, 2015 Thank you in advance Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 Hi Hjas, Welcome to the LS LDR forum. She didn't owe you any explanation. As you figured out by yourself, she has no obligation of telling you anything. She just volunteers information about herself, but she is free to pick the information she feels like sharing and leave out the rest. If you want to bring up the subject with her, just say something like: Hi, I just saw you had a night out with colleagues, it came up on my facebook feed. How did it go? Did you have fun? Only do that if you're sure you'll keep your cool and won't get bothered in any way nor start an argument. Otherwise, bring up the subject in person when you're with her. Maybe before asking her to be your girlfriend, to prevent dealing with some bad surprise. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 The thing is that I found out on Facebook she went on a night out with her work colleagues and she didn't tell me. I didn't ask specifically but on weekends we always share everything we have done during the week. I wanted to tell her I know it but at the same time I think, as we are not officially in a relationship, she deserves to not share everything, although it's something I do. But at the same time I wonder why she didn't tell me. If I tell her I know we will probably have an argue and maybe it will ruin our plans to meet so I really don't know what to do to get rid of this weird feeling. You are not her BF, her father or her prison warden. She is not obligated to tell you anything. If it was on her FB and she knows you are her FB friend it's not like she was hiding anything from you. If you accuse her of something nefarious this "non relationship" will be over before it starts. Do what justwhoiam suggested & mention it casually: Hey, looked like you had fun with your colleagues the other night. BTW, before you spring this "proper relationship" stuff on her you better make sure she wants to change your status. She may simply be enjoying your friendship at this point. Since it has been so long, she may have moved on emotionally & friend zoned you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 You are not her BF, her father or her prison warden. She is not obligated to tell you anything. If it was on her FB and she knows you are her FB friend it's not like she was hiding anything from you. If you accuse her of something nefarious this "non relationship" will be over before it starts. Do what justwhoiam suggested & mention it casually: Hey, looked like you had fun with your colleagues the other night. BTW, before you spring this "proper relationship" stuff on her you better make sure she wants to change your status. She may simply be enjoying your friendship at this point. Since it has been so long, she may have moved on emotionally & friend zoned you. All of this. OP, she doesn't need to share anything with you if she doesn't want to. At the moment, you're only friends so "confronting" her would be highly inappropriate and completely over-stepping your boundaries. Don't do it. And be careful because it sounds like you're already getting invested without knowing if she still feels the same. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 It's not a difficult situation until you make it one. It sounds like you want to do that. Why waste your energy? It's on her FB feed so she isn't hiding it. You're not even in a relationship with this lady!! If you actually want a relationship with her then don't even mention it. Link to post Share on other sites
OldSoul86 Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 All of this. OP, she doesn't need to share anything with you if she doesn't want to. At the moment, you're only friends so "confronting" her would be highly inappropriate and completely over-stepping your boundaries. Don't do it. And be careful because it sounds like you're already getting invested without knowing if she still feels the same. This. 100x this. She owes you no explanation. Besides, why do you want/need an explanation if you two are not committed? It is just going out with work friends anyways. You need to analyze if pursuing this relationship/friendship is in your best interests - or if this is a mere distraction keeping you out of the dating game in your own locale. Best, OS Link to post Share on other sites
GoBlue Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 So, why does this bother you so much? Do you think she is trying to hide something from you? I agree with the others that she owes you no explanation, and, quite frankly, even if you were in an "official relationship" not telling you every detail of her activity is not really all that problematic in my mind. There is a simple fact here, if it's on her facebook page then it's not a secret, right? I mean she knows you have access to her page. If you want details so bad why not start a conversation with a simple statement, "hey, I noticed you had an event with your co-workers. How did that go?" It kind of sounds to me like you are already "official" in your mind and that you think she owes you an explanation that she hasn't given you yet. Guard against this temptation because it will only get worse if not brought under control if/when you start your LR. This is one of those problems such relationships have to overcome. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hjas Posted June 29, 2015 Author Share Posted June 29, 2015 Thanks everyone for your kind responses. You all made spot on comments. At the end I didn't mention anything because as you said we are not in a relationship and it would be inappropriate. Hjas. Link to post Share on other sites
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