Sweetgirl28 Posted May 26, 2015 Share Posted May 26, 2015 My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years. Most of our relationship was long distance, and he suggested ways for us to be together, i.d. marriage. After happily traveling back and forth for a while, the paperwork has finally been submitted. One month after submitting the paperwork, my boyfriend suddenly says he has doubts about us working out as a couple if we would live together - though in the past we have spent two to four weeks together at either of our places without any problems. He was wondering if we fit together as a couple or if this was just a rough patch. I asked him if he wanted to break up, and he said yes. I was baffled because the paperwork is in, and a future trip to see each other has been booked. I haven't heard from him in a few days - ever since this conversation. I am feeling physically and mentally drained by this, because I didn't see it coming. I have no clue what is going to happen now, since the breakup is not official yet but he also doesn't communicate. Why did he suddenly have a change of heart? And what should I do? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 26, 2015 Share Posted May 26, 2015 Going from an LDR directly to living together is usually a bad idea. In the past when you were together it had a vacation like quality. This is the day to day nitty gritty. It would be better if you lived in the same city & dated more conventionally 1st. He's probably just scared. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sweetgirl28 Posted May 31, 2015 Author Share Posted May 31, 2015 So we're back on talking terms, but everything is still rather superficial. We haven't discussed feelings yet, or the conversation from last week. I don't know what to make of this... Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 I asked him if he wanted to break up, and he said yes. [...] I have no clue what is going to happen now, since the breakup is not official yet but he also doesn't communicate. He said he wanted to break up. What would you need for it to be official? Why did he suddenly have a change of heart? I would think of three possible options: 1. he's afraid of losing his freedom, the one he's had so far 2. he's not in love with you 2. there's someone else on his mind that might possibly be a better option for him, or who's thinking about, and you fall in the background, making him doubt his feelings for you And what should I do? I'm not sure what you should do. My first reaction would be of no contact. But then, I'd also want/need to know the reasons behind his 180. I'd try to wait for him to be ready to explain. And then just deal with it. So we're back on talking terms, but everything is still rather superficial. We haven't discussed feelings yet, or the conversation from last week. I don't know what to make of this... He's dragging the relationship, as you didn't accept the breakup. I guess you need to let him go, maybe he can realize if he's really attached to you, if he's in love. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sweetgirl28 Posted June 1, 2015 Author Share Posted June 1, 2015 He is making plans to see me. Is he really dragging this relationship? If it was over in his mind, he wouldn't be making plans to see me, would he? He also takes initiative when talking to each other. I really don't know what to make of this. Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 Maybe he's torn. Have you ever read how some guys want to drop their girlfriend but don't really know how to? Or they are just dragging the relationship? Most guys break up when they already have another girl in the picture. When there's no other girl in the picture, it's more a matter of: there's always time to break up, right? I guess you two really need to talk when you meet in person. You will also see his body language. If he looks uncertain, you will know. Link to post Share on other sites
courtneykay Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 I have to agree with d0nnivan. Unless the two of you have actually lived together before, I don't think it's the best idea to live together after being LDR for so long. I respect why he may have his doubts about living with each other. It sounds like he is just getting cold feet, not necessarily that he wants to end the relationship. He is about to start a new chapter in his life, and what sounds like, a big move. All to be with you. I would just ask him to be honest with you, and say that you would be okay with living separately until the time is right. If he is making plans to visit still, he obviously is still interested, in my opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sweetgirl28 Posted June 16, 2015 Author Share Posted June 16, 2015 So after three weeks of talking to each other as friends, he sent me an email saying things were over. Immediately after that, he put my on restricted Facebook privacy setting, and deleted our pictures and relationship status. In his email, he said he wanted us to be friends, and that maybe we could get back together in the future, but that he didn't see us being together right now. He said he didn't know any other way to break up, and that it's for the best. Again, this came out of the blue as our contact had been good. I had even booked a flight to meet him in two months! I haven't talked to him since. What do I do now? Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted June 16, 2015 Share Posted June 16, 2015 See if you can cancel the flight and get money back. Or you can convert the ticket to some other ticket. Read the small fonts first and then call the airline. I guess he had to be abrupt to move on. I'm sure no one would want to be in your shoes, so I really feel for you. But there was no other way to push you away other than that. You should move on too. The sooner, the better. Make some plans for the summer. See if you can arrange anything with your friends. Go out. Go to concerts, live your life. Have one-day trips, picnics, try to have fun. It will take a while before you can really move on, but you need to start ASAP. Link to post Share on other sites
OldSoul86 Posted June 16, 2015 Share Posted June 16, 2015 So after three weeks of talking to each other as friends, he sent me an email saying things were over. Immediately after that, he put my on restricted Facebook privacy setting, and deleted our pictures and relationship status. In his email, he said he wanted us to be friends, and that maybe we could get back together in the future, but that he didn't see us being together right now. He said he didn't know any other way to break up, and that it's for the best. Again, this came out of the blue as our contact had been good. I had even booked a flight to meet him in two months! I haven't talked to him since. What do I do now? I wouldn't contact him anymore. I also wouldn't hold out much hope for the future as well (READ: don't put your life on hold for someone who does not know what they want.) The word "maybe" is very instrumental here - maybe you'll get back together or maybe you won't. Are you worth more than a maybe? You don't ever want to become someone's option. That is a very crummy way to end it with someone. I am a big fan of having no half-measures. You're either in a relationship or out of it, nothing in-between because that will just end up hurting you. Try to get your money back for the flight and spend it on yourself - spoil yourself a bit. Oh, and I would just take him right off of Facebook - especially because he had the audacity to restrict your viewing privileges on his profile. Best, OS Link to post Share on other sites
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