LDR (sorta) of ~5 months

[SilverZID]

Hello. Um. In December I met this girl in person. We were at a nerd convention (Don't wanna give specifics), met, talked, and had a really good time. She contacted me online several times after that through the forum we use, and we ended up exchanging numbers (a big deal for me; I usually don't get involved).

 

At first we did things like share dreams. I helped her with nightmares she had, and ended up training her to use a dream journal and she ended up being able to stop herself mid nightmare. Which is great.

 

Well, we talked a lot, it wasn't unusual to share around 100 messages in an hour if we weren't busy (which we still did up until last week). About a month and a half in, she told me she wanted to pull away because we were basically dating. Which she did, for about a day, and then we just gravitated back to how we were.

 

At one point she had to say it again, that we definitely weren't in a relationship (I wasn't calling it one, I wasn't calling her my girlfriend or myself her boyfriend or anything). She said if we called it a relationship then she can't talk to me any more. But, even after that, we still both acted like we were in one, getting jealous over things and all that other stuff. And every once in a while she would get drunk and admit something, like she really wants us to work or she loves me or something.

 

She's been in a lot of bad relationships. They all ended badly. I'm positive she is afraid of calling it a relationship because if she does then she thinks it'll end badly just because that's how she thinks they all end.

 

I know she cares a lot about me, and she wants to have this connection with me, but I think she's just afraid that if it happens then we won't talk again when it's over.

 

I was supposed to come to her house for a visit 2 weeks ago, but her car broke down two days before (it really did, it wasn't an excuse). She was upset because she wanted to bring me all over where she lived, and she wanted us to go to the fair, so I decided to just push the visit back until her car was fixed.

 

Anyway, I guess it was 7 days ago, I guess a friend of hers was helping her out since she didn't have her car and he ended up taking her to see his family I guess and asking her to be his girlfriend. She said:

 

"He's like "You know, [her name]. You should just already say how you feel." And I was like "lol what?" And uh. Yeah. That's basically it really. So, I can't decide whether to be his girlfriend or not. And that's where we are. :)"

 

I told her to just tell him no. It's also important to note that she sounds really stiff here and in the other parts I quote. She normally doesn't talk like this. She's much curter than normal, and there is almost no feeling in what she's saying. She also never uses emoticons, so seeing ":)" was weird too.

 

"Hm? Why should I say No, though? I actually like him. And he likes me. It would make sense to just test it out kind of. So I'm probably going to date him. I mean, I'll wait a week before I tell him. After which, me and you probably won't talk as much. Sorry."

 

I was kinda... upset. She ended up saying:

 

"Why is it so hard for you to just be my friend? Why can't you be okay with just being friends? Do you really want to block me and not talk literally at all? We can do that, if you want, I just still want to be your friend."

 

I ended up calming down and said I want to be her friend still. She... I don't know, but she seems really awkward around me. So I've decided not to talk to her at all for a little while. That was... Monday morning I decided that. I told her I was going to not talk to her for a little bit and she said "I... genuinely didn't want it to turn out this way, but it literally always does. So I guess... I..." She didn't finish her sentence.

 

Anyway. That's where I am now. I'm going to be seeing her in two weeks for another nerd convention (hopefully I can last not talking to her until then). We are rooming together with three other people. I know what I want, but I know it may not be in the cards. She's really, really good for me. She helps me out a lot, she makes me a better person, and she made me know what it was to feel joy again. So, even though I really want to be able to be in a real relationship with her, no matter what, the very last thing I want is to never talk to her again. She is very valuable, and I want her in my life any way possible.

[d0nnivain]

If you want to be BF/GF with her, you can't just be her friend. That's selling yourself short & settling. It's like cutting a piece of cake you can't have & staring at it. Why do that to yourself.

 

Do something to occupy your time so you don't have time to send 100 texts per day. If you are busy you will miss her less

 

I'm sure your costume for the nerd convention needs work. Busy yourself making it awesome.

[justwhoiam]

Where's the banging-head icon?

 

More or less: THIS

 

You're like a puppy complying with any rules she set up for you. Go no contact now, it's the only serious thing you can do.

 

When you go to the convention, chat around with other girls. Look happy.

 

Just realize that if all you can do is keep waiting for a blatant go-ahead from a girl, you might be waiting forever.

 

P.S. When her car was broken, you didn't have to cancel your trip. You just had to find a good deal to rent a car at the airport.