LDR and ex girlfriend

[hunnyboo]

This is a really long and confusing story.... and I really need advice.

Ive been friends with this guy for five years. For the first few years, we would always call each other, skype and give each other news. Then I got into a relationship and him also and stopped talking to each other for a while. We both broke up with our exs at the same and regained contact. I dont know when it started to get into more, but it did. He would call me everyday, said he didnt see other girls and had not sleept with a girl for over a year since his ex. His friends, mother and family added me on facebook. He said he wanted to come see me and I was the only girl that maybe he would sleep with. This made me awww.... The day came and he was here. Said he would stay for 3 months. We slept together and did everything like a couple. When we started talking about the future, he told me that he would really want a relationship but the distance is to hard. Saying he cant be there for me 24/7, which I completly understand and respect his honesty. He promised me that he would not go see other girls and all he wants is to focus on his carrer.

 

After a month and a half his ex started sending him messages and liking his stuff. He was completly honest and told me about it. I kinda freaked out about the sitaution cause I knew how much he cared about her. Although he told me he doesnt care about her and would never get back together with her. He said she is not a good person. This whole thing confused me and I told him maybe you should leave eairler and sort out your life, I didnt mean it and had a few glasses of wine. I guess I wanted ti find a reaction, and I got it. The next day he told me it hurt what I said and wanted to leave. I know it was a mistake what I did, I regret it and its killing me. He was cold to me the next day and I pleaded him to stay for a bit more. Soo he told me okay... But ever since then it has not been the same.

 

His still here, but his leaving in a few weeks. I asked him if he has any intetions of seeing his ex when he goes back to his country and he said yes. Not to get back together with her but to talk like adults and get some clousure. It hurts so bad cause he told me that he would not see her. He swears he will not go back with her but it really scares me and stresses me out.

 

I dont know what to do, what to expect. I dont want to lose him.... And its hard to be positive around him when I have that in my head. Please help

 

Ps sorry for my bad english

[ExpatInItaly]

I think the bigger problem here is that he's told you (more or less) that he doesn't want to have a long-distance relationship. You say you're doing the same things couples do, but you aren't actually a couple. So this sounds like it would have been a temporary situation anyway. When he goes home, I think this likely would like come to an end in any case because he says distance is too hard. What did you hope would happen after he leaves?

 

I think you two need to sit down and seriously discuss what's happening between you. It sounds to me like you're wanting a relationship and he isn't, due to logistics. You can't take back what you said about him leaving early, but there's no sense complicating things by holding on to hope when this might only amount to a 3-month fling. He's already been honest that he intends to meet up with this ex again, which isn't a good sign. It would be best if you both classify your intentions now and decide if it just might be wiser if he left early after all.