zzaslj Posted May 4, 2015 Share Posted May 4, 2015 Hi! Thanks for reading! I have this boyfriend for over a year now, we lived together for 3 months and we dated for around 7 months before it. We had an awesome time together.. it was a real relationship and both learned a lot from each other, and we collected amazing memories for life. Since knowing that I would have to come back at the beginning of this year, we agreed to try long distance relationship after a whole bunch of conversation about every possible aspect of it. We now live 24-hour flight distance from each other, meaning 4 hours difference in time zones. It has been 3 months since I came back, and we've been struggling to survive as a couple. I feel he can't handle it - he actually said it past weeks but didn't do anything about, just complaints about the loss of touch, the feeling that I was like a ghost on the screen, an imaginary friend (yes, he said all these), but when I finally gave up on him, he said he couldn't let me go because he loves me blablabla... So I got back on my decision and decided to give us this chance because of course I love him and I've been in this place before and I know by experience how tough is LDR (although it has been even more difficult with him and totally different situation). Deciding to break up was a hard process in my mind, I'd wake up crying feeling lonely and anguished many times, I wasn't feeling good (I'm actually not). I finally understood that it was ok for this relationship not to work out as we wanted, and I decided to just let go of him. He was struggling himself and I could feel that. We talked about it, he assumed I was right (he wasn't sure about ~our future~) but afterwards he asked me to stay saying that he loves me and he just needed time to feel good about his own life, get things on track, and get the ****ing visa and tickets to see me (supposedly in 2 months). It hasn't been too long (1 week) since this conversation and he has been saying about it all and being kind and attentive, but only a few words without actions. My anxiety is that all these things (visa and tickets) take time to happen, so he would have to act fast... but now he got sidetracked with his own projects going on...so I guess our date is not going to happen for real. I feel I should give him the last call ----because I don't think I should go to see him without seeing any of his efforts to see me, so that if he doesn't show up then we are done---- and at the same time I don't want to be pushy putting pressure on him because he is working on his dreams and that would deviate his focus... what to do? Should I just let it happen (I'm seeing it falling)? Can I help him to manage both or shouldn't I try as it is a matter of interest (and then he is not interested)? thoughts? thanks again! Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted May 4, 2015 Share Posted May 4, 2015 Has he ever applied for a visa before? If he hasn't it's quite possible he has no idea it takes time and isn't just as quick as booking a flight ticket. Might be a good idea to initiate a proper conversation about it whilst checking out what the process is. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ijustdon'tgetit Posted May 4, 2015 Share Posted May 4, 2015 but now he got sidetracked with his own projects going on I agree with Gemma that you should discuss with him the time it takes for visas, etc. If he is "too busy" to take the take to make it work with you but then when you try to break up he cries about missing you, he is trying to keep you until he can find someone else locally. You must make boundaries and stick to them. Everytime you take him back and then allow him to neglect you, you're showing him it's acceptable. I understand it's hard because he's telling you he still cares and wants to be with you but at the end of the day actions speak louder than empty words. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author zzaslj Posted May 4, 2015 Author Share Posted May 4, 2015 Thanks for taking the time Gemma! He is kind of disorganized with his things so I made sure to tell him about these processes, I did even fill some forms to speed up the visa thing. So I guess he knows it. x_x Thanks again! Link to post Share on other sites
Author zzaslj Posted May 4, 2015 Author Share Posted May 4, 2015 I agree with Gemma that you should discuss with him the time it takes for visas, etc. If he is "too busy" to take the take to make it work with you but then when you try to break up he cries about missing you, he is trying to keep you until he can find someone else locally. You must make boundaries and stick to them. Everytime you take him back and then allow him to neglect you, you're showing him it's acceptable. I understand it's hard because he's telling you he still cares and wants to be with you but at the end of the day actions speak louder than empty words. You're so right! :'( I knew it and insisted on trying...here we go, one more relationship ending. thanks for your time! Link to post Share on other sites
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