Why do men want to have LDR's with me?

[Popsicle]

I made a thread not long ago asking why men I've met recently who live local to me prefer to have LDR's. Now I've got men who live far distances from me wanting to have LDR's with me. I just don't get it. Men are supposed to be action-oriented and that would work best with someone who lives near to them. Why do so many of them want LDR's?

[autumnnight]

In my case, it was so he could cheat, apparently.

[anika99]

In my case, it was so he could cheat, apparently.

 

That was my first thought too. OP some of these men who are contacting you from far away may not actually be single.

 

 

I simply don't understand LDR's. I get that sometimes people have to be separated for a period of time. Someone goes away to school or moves away for work but they have a plan to return or their SO has a plan to join them. However I don't understand people intentionally starting a relationship with someone who lives hundreds of miles away. Sometimes they start calling each other bf and gf and they haven't even met and sometimes don't even have any definite plans to meet. That just boggles my mind.

 

 

I think single men and women (who are really single) who seek ld relationships must have some intimacy issues or they are just lazy and they don't want the bother of having to meet someone elses needs.

[StalwartMind]

It does seem rather suspicious that someone you meet locally would prefer to be in a LDR instead of something "right here, right now in front of you".

 

In regards to LDR in general, I don't think anyone actually wants to be in a relationship where you are split by greater distance, then you could just as well be pen pals or pel pals with erotic benefits or whatever floats your boat.

 

The people that DO start LDR if they meet someone from another state, country or part of the world in general, they might just of met someone by chance or interest and their feelings/life goals just seem to be on the same path. Their interest is to meet and be together, granted it's not something for everyone and I dare say that it's the fewest of all people that are capable of mentality being in LDR. The toll it takes on both parts can be enormous and I believe that is why the rate at which such relationships fail is because of that.

 

It's just a really difficult challenge, not impossible but there are just a lot of negative sides to such ways of pursuing a relationship. Unless you boast a strong integrity and healthy mind then I would advise most people to not even think about attempting such.

 

I don't agree with anika99 saying that people that seek LDR have intimac issues or are just lazy, there are plenty of people that have made things work, but again it's the minority, so it'll take a lot of criticism from people who perhaps can't imagine why anyone would even bother. There's nothing wrong with thinking either bad or good of LDR, each to their own. I will echo again that in Popsicle's situation, it does strike me as rather odd.

[umirano]

I never seeked LD. The first time we just clicked (online ) and she was supposed to return to my country within 6 months. The second time we met locally, after a year she had to go back home for 8 months. When she returned we were still involved wnd continued for 3 years. The third time the girl contacted me. We were LD for the whole duration of the RS, but met often.

 

Reasons why people, both men and women, enter LDRs are individual. You're trying to fit your research to your preconceived notion that something is wrong with people who are in or try LDRs.

 

Once you focus on what is relevant to you (i.e. Your individual love interest) you'll find happiness. Pathologizing a whole group of people for their type of RS won't bring the happiness.

 

If LD isn't for you don't worry about it. If they fall hard enough anyone accepts LD.

 

BTW I never cheated on my LD partners.

[emi]

Why you always mentioned about cheating?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I made a thread not long ago asking why men I've met recently who live local to me prefer to have LDR's. Now I've got men who live far distances from me wanting to have LDR's with me. I just don't get it. Men are supposed to be action-oriented and that would work best with someone who lives near to them. Why do so many of them want LDR's?

[Otter2569]

Some times you meet who you meet and unfortunately they may not live close by.

 

Personally, I prefer someone closer to home but am in a sort of LDR - 1.25 hour drive.

 

At first we chatted (on line dating) but when I saw where she lived I did not pursue her. She initiated the first date and we have been together ever since. After last night though I am not so sure. That will be another post for another topic

 

I'm thinking if you are actively seeking a LDR its a cheating or convenience kind of thing - you know, see each other on the weekend but still have time to hang with your buddies and have your space.

[justwhoiam]

men I've met recently who live local to me prefer to have LDR's. Now I've got men who live far distances from me wanting to have LDR's with me. I just don't get it.

Maybe you are more likely to impress them from afar than in person?

 

Why do so many of them want LDR's?

Because the grass is greener?

 

What numbers are we talking about? I guess that's essential to know before you start making up your own statistics. If you met 3 guys locally who were taken in a LDR and then you met 3 guys online willing to date you, that's just casual. However, if you met 20 guys locally and all of them claimed they were in a LDR and then 20 guys you met online claim they want to date you, then you'd need to dig deeper.

[Popsicle]

Revisiting this.

 

I can understand just happening to meet and click with someone online but what about a dating site? What do men who live 4+ hours away have in mind? I get hoards of these dudes and I wonder what is in their mind, what do they imagine how this would go?

[oldshirt]

Cheating spouses would be my first guess.

 

 

My second guess is they aren't able to get any women in their own local circles which would be another red flag.

 

 

I don't want to sound too pessimistic as there may be some extenuating circumstances. If you live four hours across an expanse of desert from a military base that is 80% women, that could be an explanation.

 

 

But basically if some dude is wanting to hit you up and he is four hours away it basically means he is looking for a fire hydrant to piss on out of his own neighborhood or the women in his area won't have anything to do with him and he thinks he can pull one over on you since you don't know him.

 

 

That pretty much covers it.

 

 

I can't think of any other realistic reason.

 

 

(a disclaimer here; I am assuming these are men you have not known previously and are contacting you out of the blue. If you already know somebody and had some form of rapport with them and one of you moved away, that is a different story. But for some complete stranger on the internet, there is no valid reason to be hitting up people more than an hour or so away)

[Popsicle]

oldshirt, thanks for your answer. I get many... MANY, not just one/some dude. And no, I don't live near a military base. I'm way more than 4 hours away from one.

[oldshirt]

oldshirt, thanks for your answer. I get many... MANY, not just one/some dude. And no, I don't live near a military base. I'm way more than 4 hours away from one.

 

 

 

I understand that you get lots of offers from a distance and not just one guy. I doesn't change anything I said though. Other than being willing to drive for a booty call, there is no legitimate reason to be hitting on some gal more than an hour or so away. And if someone is willing to drive 4 hours for a booty call, they gots some serious issues.

 

 

Now don't take that the wrong way. I am sure you are a very attractive and very nice and worthy woman. I'm just saying unless a guy lives out in the desert or is stationed on some military outpost in the middle of nowhere, if he can't get a woman within an hour or so, women outside of that hour or so radius need to be onguard.

 

 

Guys are inherently lazy. They'll always take the bird in the hand down the street vs the prettier bird 4 hours away. If they are resorting to hitting on someone 4 hours away it is for a reason.

 

 

That reason is they are married or have a serious GF and need to get away from witnesses.

 

 

Or they can't get anyone near them that knows them personally.

 

 

Assuming they aren't in the middle of the desert or some foxhole in the middle of nowhere, those are really the only reasons and they are both bright red flags.

 

 

And quite frankly (and again not to point any fingers at you in any way) Any decent man worthy of female companionship wouldn't waste a keystroke on a woman 4 hours away if he were in the market for a legitimate relationship. He'd look to within his own social circle or neighborhood for a quality woman that he would know the background of.

[Popsicle]

yeah, I think you're right. I have thought the same things. I was just wondering if there was something I was missing since it happens so much to me.

[Clarence_Boddicker]

The only legitimate reason for a LDR is a temporary (6 months max) event that forces a separation or one out of your control like military service or a prison sentence.

 

 

I had a LTR once & they suck. Mine was 500+ miles one way. I did a lot of driving to see my girlfriend every weekend. I worked four 12 hour days & had 3 off. I'd get done with my shift & drive the 6-8 trip to northern San Diego. I'd drive back the day I had to work. So much fun.

 

 

A normal guy is not going to want a LDR, unless it's forced by circumstances, or they're hiding something.

Edited July 6, 2015 by Clarence_Boddicker

[justwhoiam]

My take on this:

 

1. Some guys do not check location, they just check pictures and go by that. They might send the very same message to a bunch of girls.

 

2. We live in a global society nowadays, so most guys do not care where a girl comes from, actually if she's from afar, it's also exciting because it's exotic (adding some thrill to the whole thing).

 

3. Some guys just want to date and not have exclusive relationships or not aiming at a relationship, so they may date girls in different locations (they might travel for work regularly, or for tourism, or for any other reason).

 

4. Why should location stop anyone from dating? If a guy is willing to relocate, find a new job or even works for a company with multiple sites, a girl in a different location is not a problem.

 

5. It's the person that counts, not the location. Many guys keep their options open.

[Popsicle]

My take on this:

 

1. Some guys do not check location, they just check pictures and go by that. They might send the very same message to a bunch of girls.

 

2. We live in a global society nowadays, so most guys do not care where a girl comes from, actually if she's from afar, it's also exciting because it's exotic (adding some thrill to the whole thing).

 

3. Some guys just want to date and not have exclusive relationships or not aiming at a relationship, so they may date girls in different locations (they might travel for work regularly, or for tourism, or for any other reason).

 

4. Why should location stop anyone from dating? If a guy is willing to relocate, find a new job or even works for a company with multiple sites, a girl in a different location is not a problem.

 

5. It's the person that counts, not the location. Many guys keep their options open.

 

That's interesting, thanks for your input.

 

Sadly, there is too much "chance" in these kinds of reasons for my liking.

[justwhoiam]

That's interesting, thanks for your input.

 

Sadly, there is too much "chance" in these kinds of reasons for my liking.

Maybe you need to stop considering men as if they were all alike. Treat them as individuals, with their own pros and cons. You'll have a different perspective, and build deeper bonds and connections. Maybe that's what is keeping any interaction only to the surface level and the reason why they all run away in person. Who knows.

[Popsicle]

Maybe you need to stop considering men as if they were all alike. Treat them as individuals, with their own pros and cons. You'll have a different perspective, and build deeper bonds and connections. Maybe that's what is keeping any interaction only to the surface level and the reason why they all run away in person. Who knows.

 

Where did you get the idea that they all run away in person? I don't think I ever said that.

 

And two people can have a deeper bond and connection beyond surface level in person too. I have had it before and to be quite frank, I've had a LDR before too. While there are pros and cons to it, I think the cons outweigh the pros FOR ME. (I can't or won't speak for anyone else).

 

Although, lately I have been enjoying my independence a lot and feeling like I could possibly enjoy a LDR because it necessitates a certain degree of space.

 

Hmmm something to think about....

[Perrier]

Hmm. I agree with snippets from various posters. I'm not into LDR unless for a legit reason, like work or study has froced us apart and that would be after we've met. Getting into a LDR from the outset, especially from OLD is a reg flag to me.

 

I met a woman from the same dating site I was on, who replied messages from men in the US (we're from the UK), Spain. Greece, SA etc. She said she doesn't want to limit herself.

 

When I got those far off msgs from men around the globe, I deleted them. To her credit she saw a man from the US for two years. He was very unavailable tho and eventually sank into a depression. She flew back and forth to see him, until the r'ship ended. Her call, I guess.

[Popsicle]

Hmm. I agree with snippets from various posters. I'm not into LDR unless for a legit reason, like work or study has froced us apart and that would be after we've met. Getting into a LDR from the outset, especially from OLD is a reg flag to me.

 

I met a woman from the same dating site I was on, who replied messages from men in the US (we're from the UK), Spain. Greece, SA etc. She said she doesn't want to limit herself.

 

When I got those far off msgs from men around the globe, I deleted them. To her credit she saw a man from the US for two years. He was very unavailable tho and eventually sank into a depression. She flew back and forth to see him, until the r'ship ended. Her call, I guess.

 

 

That makes sense . Thanks for sharing.