LDR bf and I on a break

[trinkletinkle]

My bf and I are have been together for about 2 years. Last week, he decided it was too much for him to handle a long distance relationship with me. He is very unhappy in his work life and with himself in general. But when we are together, we both agree that it is the greatest most magical feeling ever. Our relationship isn't quite a normal LDR, we both live together but his job requires him to travel frequently. He wants me to basically quit my job and go with him and travel/see the world together. He doesn't feeling a connection over the phone or chatting or skypeing, he prefers being physically together (don't we all). I'm really sad and hurt, because we connected so well and naturally together, both of us have never experienced a love so strong. He wants to focus on himself right now, he is seeing a therapist, so that he can decide how he feels about all of this. We are on a break with no time limit, could be 6 months do to his job, and I'm trying my best to work on myself as well. I don't want to give up on is, and neither does he in a sense. He has expressed that he loves me more than ever, but the distance has really prevented him from self growth. I'm a bit lost. Any thing helps, thank you.

[d0nnivain]

Yikes. That is a tough one.

 

I do not believe in breaks. I think they are dumb. Mostly I see them as a dry run for the person suggesting them to test out whether they want to be single while dangling the other person & stinging them along.

 

I firmly believe that you need to communicate & work together to fix what's wrong. Being apart & silence aggravates the situation. It doesn't repair the damage or address the heart of the problem.

 

Since you live together while he's in town, the situation is more complicated.

 

Whose apartment is it? Can you afford to live on your own?

 

If had a job bear where you are would things be better?

 

Do you want to give up whatever you are doing & chase after him? If you can find a way to close the gap, would that help? Even if he can't change jobs can you go to him more? Can he come home?

[oldshirt]

sounds like a bunch of psychobabble gobbledygook to me. Just how is it that you "work on yourself" anyway??????

 

 

 

 

 

 

Either you want to be with someone or you don't. If you want to be with someone you do and if you don't you find euphamisms like "break" and "work on myself" and such to be away from them.

 

 

When you run the term "break" through the Universal Translator it comes out 'I want to see someone else for awhile but want you waiting on reserve as a back up in case it doesn't work out and I want to come back" each and every time.

 

 

I also do not believe in breaks. Breaks are a fool's game to be suckered into waiting for someone while they have fun with other people.

 

 

You are either in an honest relationship or free to do as you please with whoever you please. You are within your right to pick one and go with it and you are within your right to have someone you are involved with pick one and go with it too.

 

 

Never accept a 'break.' it is always a scam to try to get you to sit on a shelf as a fall-back while they mess around with other people while keeping you waiting in limbo as a safety net.

[justwhoiam]

My bf and I are have been together for about 2 years. Last week, he decided it was too much for him to handle a long distance relationship with me. He is very unhappy in his work life and with himself in general.

... we both live together but his job requires him to travel frequently. He wants me to basically quit my job and go with him and travel/see the world together.

 

I might consider being by his side and traveling the world together but:

1. His job doesn't make him happy, that's a huge red flag.

2. Can his job provide for both?

3. I'd be missing on my job over the years, can he pay for a retirement plan for me?

4. Would he like a family without children? Because I love children.

 

So those are all the things that you should both consider.

 

Anyway, he didn't look for any any other solution than breaking up with you. So, I sense there's more behind his decision than just not wanting to keep a connection while he's away.

 

Maybe he feels he got stuck with you, he didn't experience enough. Maybe traveling around so much he felt he was missing chances to be with other women. Women from all over the world.

 

I think any "break" that goes past the 2-month threshold is a sign of something deeper and I would not allow it. So if I were you, I'd set a limit. 2 months. That's all I would allow. After that, it's over.

 

Seeing a therapist doesn't mean he can't be with you. So don't let it use it as an excuse. He either wants you in his life or not. And not as a friend, obviously, that doesn't count, at this point.

 

Use this time alone to go out with your friends and have some social life. After that, you might be single again and with plenty of time to date again.

[trinkletinkle]

Thank you everyone for your replies. After a week of me seeing my awesome friends and talking it all out, things are less hazy, which has given me a lot of strength in the meantime. I emailed him briefly about meeting to talk in person sometime in the future. I can't imagine how we will be feeling in a month or so, but from the looks of it, things are going to change a lot. I have to disagree respectfully about the idea of breaks...I think it is important to take a breather to focus on what is important in your life, let the dust settle so to speak, and then come back to the conversation...which is what we are doing now. Anyway, he agreed to fly back home during some off days at work. Not sure when it will be, but it will happen. Yes, I agree about him seeing a therapist shouldn't be the only reason to stop seeing me. The distance is really really really hard on the both of us as many of you know. I think his unhappiness about this LDR and this job means that he will have to decide which is more important, beneficial, and healthy for him. Other than the distance, when we are together, it's AWESOME. Come freaking on!