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Does she really want to leave me?


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Imjustanormalguy

I’ve been talking to a girl online for 3 years. We used to talk every single day and had so much fun. We felt so close and we told each other that we loved each other, because that’s how it felt. For some reason, a few months ago we started having more and more fights, mostly about stupid things. We didn’t say we loved each other anymore, and we agreed to only talk 2-3 times a week. We still enjoyed talking and laughing with each other, but needed our own space too.

 

Two days ago I asked her a simple question about something and she took it as an accusation and got really angry with me. She ignored me and I was pleading with her to answer me, but she wouldn’t. I asked her does she not want to be friends anymore and she said “no”. I then asked her if we could say goodbye on Skype, but I was really hoping that when we talk, we would just have a good time…

 

Yesterday we went on Skype and I apologized for the question I asked and she was still so angry about it. She kept telling me to “hurry up and say bye” because “that’s what we’re on here for”. I asked her could she really just walk away after 3 years and she said yes….

 

I told her its my birthday in 5 days and she just said “I don’t care”….I was really hoping we could have talked on my birthday…She just kept telling me that she doesn’t want this anymore and doesn’t have time for “drama”. Then she signed off on me and when I text her to come back on, she just said she’s too angry and needs to calm down…

 

I just can’t believe she is capable of walking away and never knowing me anymore…after 3 years of talking… Is she just saying those things because she’s angry right now? Is it possible that in a week she will start to miss me and text me again? I’m really hoping she will text me on my birthday, but if she doesn’t, then my hopes will be gone…I can’t lose her…

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Imjustanormalguy
Soooooooo, have you ever met in person?

 

Not yet. Timing hasn't been on our side yet, but we've talked about it loads. I just want to know what it means when a girl says that stuff...that she doesn't want this anymore. Can she really just leave things like that and never hear from me again? Or is it just anger talking until next week...will she miss me...

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This is a tough situation. I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this. I usually take things at face value- especially if she doesn't normally speak out of anger. Maybe the whole LDR is starting to get to her. You need to give her space and see if she comes around.

 

Lee

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Imjustanormalguy
What did you ask her that she reacted so badly to?

 

Well, a few days ago she snapchatted me a picture and I replied within a few minutes. She replied back straight away again and then I replied. But she never opened my last snapchat the whole day. Not even that night....She opened it the next morning...I didn't understand it, so when she text me the following day, I just asked her why she didn't look at my last snapchat until the next day, and she said "oh I didn't see it".

 

I was very suspicious because we were writing back and forth 2-3 times in a row and then suddenly she doesn't check to see if I did it again? And she would have got a notification anyway....So she got really defensive and started calling me an "investigator". It was only a simple question.......I don't know what's going on with her, but it's really suspicious, and then she started telling me she can't deal with my "drama" because I was questioning her on things like that.......

 

I don't know why she ignored my snapchat, but she's so hard to talk to about it because she gets so defensive and it leads to a fight...I'm not going to text her this week, but do you think she will message me in a few days again? How can she just walk away just like that...

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So Imma new around here and I dont know much about the forum and the people, but I hope I'll blend in. :bunny: Anyways..

 

You are bi-polar, is that ever going to change for you? Is it treatable? I dont know much about this illness. Is it something like constant change of moods? etc

 

And you cant think that she is acting like that just because of you did something. Can you see what she is doing behind the other side of the screen? Oh boy, it must be a great amount of time what the two of you have spent together, 3 years!!! Wow I havent heard before. So how long is the distance between you two? You cant visit her? Seems like she can have a) her own problems, b) she is just sick of the ldr or c) you made her mad for some reason

 

Try to ease up a little, its not the end of the world, I mean, you should find out why she is acting this way. Just no contact for 2-3 days and then ask her why she wants to split up and why she was angry. How old are you two? maybe she is having problems with her friends, parents, school, college, work depends on whats going on in her life.

But 3 years is a long time, you dont put it in a trash, just right away, right? You seem to know each other for so long, its weird she is acting this way.

 

Hope all works out for you.

Wishing you the best.

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Imjustanormalguy
So Imma new around here and I dont know much about the forum and the people, but I hope I'll blend in. :bunny: Anyways..

 

You are bi-polar, is that ever going to change for you? Is it treatable? I dont know much about this illness. Is it something like constant change of moods? etc

 

And you cant think that she is acting like that just because of you did something. Can you see what she is doing behind the other side of the screen? Oh boy, it must be a great amount of time what the two of you have spent together, 3 years!!! Wow I havent heard before. So how long is the distance between you two? You cant visit her? Seems like she can have a) her own problems, b) she is just sick of the ldr or c) you made her mad for some reason

 

Try to ease up a little, its not the end of the world, I mean, you should find out why she is acting this way. Just no contact for 2-3 days and then ask her why she wants to split up and why she was angry. How old are you two? maybe she is having problems with her friends, parents, school, college, work depends on whats going on in her life.

But 3 years is a long time, you dont put it in a trash, just right away, right? You seem to know each other for so long, its weird she is acting this way.

 

Hope all works out for you.

Wishing you the best.

 

Well, I only found out about bi-polar a few months ago and didn't really want to accept it, and started taking my anger out on family and friends, including this girl. It caused a lot of fights between us and rough times, but we got through it and I'm back on track now. Things were going well after that, but sometimes she just gets mad at me over little things, like she's afraid the past problems are going to start again, which I understand.

 

But I don't get how she can say "I don't want this anymore" just because I asked her why she ignored my snapchat until the next day.

 

I'm 21 and she's 20. She works and says it stresses her out and that she can't deal with my "drama" when she has a day off. But there wasn't even anymore drama in the past 3 months....Just this one question and she considers it like before...

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Sad to hear that the two of you are not getting along. Have you ever used that disease as an excuse? If you have then dont!!!!! Please DONT!!! Its so horrible.

But you need to talk to her. Talk about the illness, talk about how it makes you feel and why you do the things you do. You just need to be honest and very opened. And see if she accepts it or not. It can be hard, but at least you know where you stand. :)

 

But how do you know when you have these episodes? You said you havent had for 3 months. So when it usually happens? Do you know? Can you tell her?

 

Your "drama"? Whats your drama is all about? Do you feel like you stressing her out? Or why does she feel like that? Find that out.

Edited by GingerT
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Thegreatestthing

You didn't do anything wring she's a crazy btch who couldn't care less about you,didn't care in the least about your birthday,seems to find you irritating please forget her.

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Imjustanormalguy
Sad to hear that the two of you are not getting along. Have you ever used that disease as an excuse? If you have then dont!!!!! Please DONT!!! Its so horrible.

But you need to talk to her. Talk about the illness, talk about how it makes you feel and why you do the things you do. You just need to be honest and very opened. And see if she accepts it or not. It can be hard, but at least you know where you stand. :)

 

But how do you know when you have these episodes? You said you havent had for 3 months. So when it usually happens? Do you know? Can you tell her?

 

Your "drama"? Whats your drama is all about? Do you feel like you stressing her out? Or why does she feel like that? Find that out.

 

I don't use it as an excuse, but I'm taking medication for it now so its under control, but before 3 months ago, I refused to take it because I didn't want to accept that I had it. So during that time, I felt really depressed and whenever I used to have a fight with her or when she would ignore me, I felt so bad and told her that I was going to kill myself...That's really how I felt. She would keep texting me and telling me not to do anything and that she's there for me when I need her.

 

But if something like that happened again and I felt like hurting myself, she wouldn't care. She wouldn't keep texting me to try and stop me. Because she says she can't deal with that stuff anymore in her life. I understand that completely, but it hurts me to know she doesn't care if I live or die.....especially when sometimes I'm not able to control it myself...

 

I haven't heard from her in 3 days now. It's my birthday on Sunday and I'm holding onto a little hope that she will text me (and my brother, we're twins). She's been talking to us both for 3 years, so if she lets our birthday pass by without a word, then it means she truly doesn't care about me anymore...And that will hurt so much...I just don't understand it...

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But now honestly, normal guy, I dont understand you.

 

You want to talk to a girl over the Internet who you have never met in person. What is so special about that girl?

 

You need to understand that things happen in life. Even if you gonna get married one day, you dont know if you gonna divorce after 4, 10 or 20 years of marriage. But also there are people who stay together for the rest of their lives. :love:

But people can change. The possibility is there. I am not saying that she changed, I dont know that, but you cant force someone to be with you. As bad or sad this sounds.

 

And there is also a possibility that you frightened her. Maybe she didnt understand your illness and no this she can think of. The way you treated her. I am just guessing.

 

And try to calm down and see what happens. Maybe she just needs time to think. Let her be.

 

But we cannot really give advice here what to do, if you cant speak to her.. because you definitely should to clear some things out between you two.

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Do you feel like you act like a kid? Does she have a heart of stone? How do you know that she wouldn't care. Dont do false assumptions. Try to calm down. This is what you really is.

The thing that you havent been speak for 3 days is not that bad. Stop imagining the worst scenario! It isnt helpful.

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Imjustanormalguy
Do you feel like you act like a kid? Does she have a heart of stone? How do you know that she wouldn't care. Dont do false assumptions. Try to calm down. This is what you really is.

The thing that you havent been speak for 3 days is not that bad. Stop imagining the worst scenario! It isnt helpful.

 

No I don't act like a kid...She used to be so loving, not cold. She said before that it was because she's afraid of the bad stuff coming back again...She text me an hour ago saying "fu*k I miss you". I was soooo surprised. I asked her "really?" and she said yes. Then I asked if she wanted to still be friends and she said yes. That was it....Why would she say she misses me now when just 3 days ago she was yelling at me to leave her alone forever....I don't understand her. I don't get whats going on...

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So, you got lucky, she gave in. But you need to plan a visit to meet her ASAP, because chances are this won't be going on for too long. When tension sets in, it usually reignites frequently. And you can imagine the outcome.

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She said before that it was because she's afraid of the bad stuff coming back again...

 

This ^^^^

 

she says she can't deal with that stuff anymore in her life

 

and this ^^^^

 

 

You have a mental illness, treated and you are now fine and under control, but before you got diagnosed you were depressed and suicidal and that will have scared her.

The snapchat episode reminded her of that time and I think she was understandably worried.

 

Social media dictates that everything should be instant, we all expect a reply back in less than a minute and the thought that anyone doesn't even open a message or a pic seems like a big deal.

I guess she may have been doing something else, she may not have been interested in starting a conversation that the pic you sent may have started, maybe she just wanted to be alone for a while, maybe she fell asleep and forgot about it, maybe she didn't see it till the next morning who can say?

But the episode with the depression and the suicidal thoughts will be colouring what she thinks and feels about you, so you need to discuss it properly between the two of you.

She is swithering about whether this relationship is good for her and whether it has any future, to save it you need to meet.

You cannot keep it going merely by text, Snapchat and Skype forever.

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Wow this sounds familiar.

 

The only male friend I have lives in another country. We have never been able to meet in person. We've been online friends for about 7 years now.

 

For a long time I think I was in love with him, but I didn't have to deal with those feelings because nothing was possible (in my mind, anyway). I never confessed to them or anything.

 

We would just be up for hours all night having the best conversations in every sense of the word that I've ever had with anyone in my life. Pretty sure we know more about each other than anyone else on the planet knows about both of us combined.

 

But sometimes it was extremely hard. Sometimes we'd talk until we were both literally falling asleep. He'd go silent, I'd hear his breathing change, I'd say goodnight, unplug, cry and fall asleep by myself.

 

Never in my life wanted something so damn bad that I could not have.

 

Sometimes I'd try to move on. Get back together for the millionth time with the ex. Try to date. But nobody was ever him and it sucked serious ****.

 

We'd talk at least once a month about finding some way to meet each other in person someday, but we both knew that was never going to happen, because we're both poor as hell. But we'd pretend.

 

He also has mental health issues (not that I didn't/don't, as well). But he the wallow in despair and/or anger type. Every now and then he'd just hate the world and hate his life for a while. I'd be up all night playing therapist (I was a "codependent" then, before therapy.)

 

There were two times that I just snapped, did some serious chest puffing and 'officially' ( :rolleyes: ) moved on. Was so stressed and depressed and just couldn't handle whatever. Usually some crap would be going on in my life but we'd be so focused on him and his problems, and I'd just feel like I was cracking or something.

 

There were a few times he got so moody towards me that he'd hardly say a word to me no matter how hard I tried to get him to talk with me.

 

She might come back, OP. She might not mean a word she said. This **** is hard.

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I don't really understand why the two of you have never met before. Being together in real life is completely different than online. Not having real life experiences together is not sustainable.

 

Under normal circumstances, if you had met, I would say you definitely need to give her space. She not only said great things to you in the past, but she has straight up told you she is angry and needs time. You didn't really give it to her with the follow up snapchat incident. She is pulling back for a reason, but she still has feelings for you so there is a chance if you let her follow her own time table and not your's. Don't expect her to hit your deadlines, like the birthday. But breathe and she may come back around in her own time. If you don't allow for that, you will lose her for good.

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Imjustanormalguy
Wow this sounds familiar.

 

The only male friend I have lives in another country. We have never been able to meet in person. We've been online friends for about 7 years now.

 

For a long time I think I was in love with him, but I didn't have to deal with those feelings because nothing was possible (in my mind, anyway). I never confessed to them or anything.

 

We would just be up for hours all night having the best conversations in every sense of the word that I've ever had with anyone in my life. Pretty sure we know more about each other than anyone else on the planet knows about both of us combined.

 

But sometimes it was extremely hard. Sometimes we'd talk until we were both literally falling asleep. He'd go silent, I'd hear his breathing change, I'd say goodnight, unplug, cry and fall asleep by myself.

 

Never in my life wanted something so damn bad that I could not have.

 

Sometimes I'd try to move on. Get back together for the millionth time with the ex. Try to date. But nobody was ever him and it sucked serious ****.

 

We'd talk at least once a month about finding some way to meet each other in person someday, but we both knew that was never going to happen, because we're both poor as hell. But we'd pretend.

 

He also has mental health issues (not that I didn't/don't, as well). But he the wallow in despair and/or anger type. Every now and then he'd just hate the world and hate his life for a while. I'd be up all night playing therapist (I was a "codependent" then, before therapy.)

 

There were two times that I just snapped, did some serious chest puffing and 'officially' ( :rolleyes: ) moved on. Was so stressed and depressed and just couldn't handle whatever. Usually some crap would be going on in my life but we'd be so focused on him and his problems, and I'd just feel like I was cracking or something.

 

There were a few times he got so moody towards me that he'd hardly say a word to me no matter how hard I tried to get him to talk with me.

 

She might come back, OP. She might not mean a word she said. This **** is hard.

 

When you say you officially moved on, does that mean you don't talk to him anymore? After 7 years it's now just nothing? Like you never even knew him?

 

When she told me 2 days ago that she missed me, she said she still wanted to be friends. We left it at that. We didn't say anything more. She didn't text me yesterday and today is my birthday and nothing yet. It's still early, but if she doesn't text me to say happy birthday today, then I really think she doesn't care...

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Imjustanormalguy

She messaged me on my birthday. Since then we talked for 3 nights in a row. She text me more often, said she missed me and everything. But last friday her and my brother had a fight on text, and she started saying mean things, saying that me and him ruined 3 years of her life and that she's done with us. I thought it was just another anger outburst, so I waited for her to text me, hoping she would miss me again.

 

4 days passed and I text her yesterday saying "hi". She ignored me completely...she didn't even read my text. I sent her another long text today asking why she's doing this to me...I wasn't even involved in the fight last week...She never text me back....she's ignoring me on purpose and I feel like she's never going to text me again...

 

Could this really be the end? These fights have happened before and she's always text me a few days later to make up, but 4 days passed and when I text her, she didn't even want to reply...Could she really walk away like this...

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