Long Distance Confusion! !

[Essexgirly]

So Basically, around 4 years ago, I met this guy online. He lived in California, and I live in London. We began to fall for eachother, but neither of us at that time could afford to see eachother in person. So we kept it working online, skype, and phonecalls near enough every day for 3 years. He asked me to be his wife, and I agreed (Looking back, this was pretty dumb) he sent me a ring in the post which I wore every single day and literally meant the world to me, all of a sudden, out of the blue, the contact between us stopped. After speaking to someone every single day for 3 years, you can imagine that this messed up my head.

(Its so strange, he is so illusive, I have searched his name, email address, username, phone number, everything online so many times and theres like barely any record of him whatsover) (But, I know his real as we have skyped hundreds of times)

So this was about November time last year and I've heard from him a few times since, with the excuse that he no longer has a phone and his mum took his computer, to me this seems like bull.(His not 12, his 20) But I believed it anyway and tried to have a relationship where we spoke barely and this is still continuing, but I cant help but get butterflies and excited when I do hear from him, that I believe almost anything he tells me. I email him almost every single night looking for a reply but he never answers. Occasionally, he will pop back up and speak to me to see how im getting on and trying to get me to sext, but it usually ends in me getting infuriated at where he has been for all of these months and not trusting him (for obvious reasons) and him just disappearing again. I dont know what to do. Im finding it impossible to move on, but when im writing it all out here, I can see that this all sounds so stupid and people are just going to think Im an idiotic little girl.

But we had an incredible connection and he meant SO much to me. Please give me some advice on how I can finally get some closure, or find out what the hell is going on!!! :(:(

[connor91]

Sorry, this relationship is over. It was probably wrong of you to become his wife as you'd never met, he probably feels the 'marriage' if it can be called that isn't a real one. He got bored sorry. You were something he could dispose of.

[StalwartMind]

It's always easy to be clever in hindsight. Most of us humans have an incredibly ability in making others well aware of that, and just to rub it in our face, they need to make you feel bad about your choices too.

 

Now of course this is how most idiotic humans behave and treat others, since clearly they never make mistakes or have bad stuff happen to them.

 

In today's world we have the ability to easily reach and contact more people than ever and in a much faster fashion as well. It should be understood by all how it is very natural to be able to create a special connection with someone, even if that someone is far away and you've never met said person. There is no difference in how you establish a mental connection with someone, and there is no way that is more right or wrong than the other.

 

With that said, one of the main reasons people fail to maintain long distance relationships or friendships, is because by nature, humans are greatly drawn to a more physical and present social interaction. This is the reason why many people feel the loss of connection eventually over long distance, because it's hard for them to maintain the mental stability required in order to make that work. It is much more easy to give in to temptation of those things that are present around you. There could be a billion reasons as to why he left you out of the blue, a popular belief would be he found someone else, but really none of it will make you feel better, as your trust and past relationship with him has been shattered.

 

Not to go into a long debate about what would be optimal, because I'm sure people will tell you as well, it may not of worked at all, because the chemistry can change when you actually do meet (or in your case would of met). That's all very true, but no one really knows and it's for that matter also completely irrelevant. There are plenty of stories of people whom have met and maintained relationships like that where it has worked out just fine.

 

I will always encourage people to learn to protect themselves, especially when it comes to dealing with online relationships. It may be seen as a negative mindset, but understand that humans no matter if online or in real life, are capable of doing anything. Your trust can easily be broken and there is nothing you can do to prevent that, as in the end you are not responsible for other people's actions. If you learn to accept that, then you also understand better all the risks involved with anything you do. Especially in these technological days, people have it much more easy with discarding items and people that are no longer of interest to them, or if something better comes along. While I'm personally not a fan of this type of treatment, I understand that it's such a deeply rooted part of the general mentality in the average human, and I've accepted that despite i may not agree with it.

 

Even really good and for the most part trustworthy people, can have breaking points, or face situations where they are forced to deal with things that go against their very own nature. Life is fragile, we all make mistakes, and while this may make you question placing trust in other humans again, please do understand that, not everyone is like that.

 

This may not give you the closure you expected or any at all, but at the very least don't let a bad and harsh experience like that, change whom you are at the core and what you want from other people, because it is only by then you let the "bad" people win. You are still so very young and while it isn't really an excuse, most people in their teens to late 20s typically don't really know what they want because there are so many pulls from everywhere.

[justwhoiam]

Please give me some advice on how I can finally get some closure, or find out what the hell is going on!!! :(:(

 

Hi Essexgirly,

 

welcome to the LS forum.

 

You can:

 

1) Fly where he lives and kick his a-- (but I guess you don't even know his real name nor his home address or any real detail about him)

2) Ignore him, he doesn't deserve any more attention from you

3) Tell him that you won't say another word to him until he's coming clean about everything: name, last name, home address, landline phone number, school(s)/college he attended, work address, family, etc.

4) Continue to talk to him as you've done so far

 

#1 seems unfeasible, #2 is my personal suggestion, #3 is my personal suggestion if you're unable to ignore him, #4 is simply idiotic of you.

 

Don't sext. He's probably 17.