She stopped loving me

[Shadow007]

basically what the title says but heres a few details, im going on holiday to see her in 2 weeks and shes really excited, she wants to do anything she can to get those feelings back shes going to be cuddling me a lot and going lots of places, she told me today she wont be getting into anymore relationships with anyone else for atleast a year or 2 because shes hurting too, she just wants things to go back to normal (us both loving each other and having fun).

 

now for more background, we started talking about 4 years ago we originally just wanted to be friends but eventually we didnt have a choice, we fell in love we talked everyday for hours, about 2 years later she fell out of love with me, she developed feelings for someone else at this point she hadnt met me but eventually she came round and loved me again so i took the chance to go and see her, we had an amazing time even though it was only a week, when i got home i asked her for a relationship and shes been so happy for about 2 years, but i realise this could all be my fault, in this last 2 years i never went back, i was too comfortable the way we were living, we argued every now and then, but this last time i went in a mood for no reason, i said she should be more realistic, and thats when things turned, at first she thought she was confused she went from saying being with me felt right to she felt like she was lying to me and herself because her feelings werent the same, ive been doing my best to stay strong and make her happy since then but inside im broken, she wants to get all of it back but she doesnt love me, how does that even work? im her first real love as far as i can tell i know she was under a lot of pressure during that so i was hoping it was just stress and maybe depression, shes hopeful that when i come there we will have a wonderful time but shes not sure if her feelings will come back.

 

i asked her today why she fell in love with me to begin with and she said "your kind nature and personality and your ability to stay strong and help others. and the way you always make me laugh and be happy" im still the same guy, i think i was a lot more moody though with not seeing her.

 

I know this is my fault and if she never loves me again ill have to live with it, we had plans for the future even while she was confused she would talk about it, she still loves talking to me everyday and misses me do i have a chance to get her back? what kind of things should we do while im there, i know she wants to hold my hand and cuddle a lot even wants to kiss me i just thought of taking her places and being like i was last time i was with her, allthough last time she had her feelings back....

 

also while she was confused she wanted space i gave her some but couldnt completely she only wanted space so she wouldnt hurt me but i kept making her happy instead...i guess that was a mistake, shes having a 4 day camping trip soon i guess it will give her time to think but guys i have to think, if she wants it back so much and she even wished for it...can we get the love back?

[mariekatie]

basically what the title says but heres a few details, im going on holiday to see her in 2 weeks and shes really excited, she wants to do anything she can to get those feelings back shes going to be cuddling me a lot and going lots of places, she told me today she wont be getting into anymore relationships with anyone else for atleast a year or 2 because shes hurting too, she just wants things to go back to normal (us both loving each other and having fun).

 

now for more background, we started talking about 4 years ago we originally just wanted to be friends but eventually we didnt have a choice, we fell in love we talked everyday for hours, about 2 years later she fell out of love with me, she developed feelings for someone else at this point she hadnt met me but eventually she came round and loved me again so i took the chance to go and see her, we had an amazing time even though it was only a week, when i got home i asked her for a relationship and shes been so happy for about 2 years, but i realise this could all be my fault, in this last 2 years i never went back, i was too comfortable the way we were living, we argued every now and then, but this last time i went in a mood for no reason, i said she should be more realistic, and thats when things turned, at first she thought she was confused she went from saying being with me felt right to she felt like she was lying to me and herself because her feelings werent the same, ive been doing my best to stay strong and make her happy since then but inside im broken, she wants to get all of it back but she doesnt love me, how does that even work? im her first real love as far as i can tell i know she was under a lot of pressure during that so i was hoping it was just stress and maybe depression, shes hopeful that when i come there we will have a wonderful time but shes not sure if her feelings will come back.

 

i asked her today why she fell in love with me to begin with and she said "your kind nature and personality and your ability to stay strong and help others. and the way you always make me laugh and be happy" im still the same guy, i think i was a lot more moody though with not seeing her.

 

I know this is my fault and if she never loves me again ill have to live with it, we had plans for the future even while she was confused she would talk about it, she still loves talking to me everyday and misses me do i have a chance to get her back? what kind of things should we do while im there, i know she wants to hold my hand and cuddle a lot even wants to kiss me i just thought of taking her places and being like i was last time i was with her, allthough last time she had her feelings back....

 

also while she was confused she wanted space i gave her some but couldnt completely she only wanted space so she wouldnt hurt me but i kept making her happy instead...i guess that was a mistake, shes having a 4 day camping trip soon i guess it will give her time to think but guys i have to think, if she wants it back so much and she even wished for it...can we get the love back?

 

I think falling out of love is a painful thing for both. Maybe she couldn't help it as well. I think you should give her time and space to miss you. Maybe she's guilty. It's hard to control feelings.

 

In the past, you could had took her for granted. Most people take things for granted because they were comfortable at where they are and fell into a "routine". It's important to keep the spark going. Throw in some surprises and say some nice things. Everyone likes to know they are being loved and appreciated. All these might be build up over a long time, you neglecting her and her feeling empty.

 

I feel like you blamed yourself too much, it takes both hands to clap. She could had told you before she "fell out of love" or maybe she did but you didn't listen. Not meeting up for too long also cause loneliness and emptiness. People tend to change in relationship without knowing.

 

My advice is to focus on yourself, change for the better, be happy. You'll only resent her if you keep making her "happy". You should be happy as well. Don't push it as it will push her away. First real love, she might also be experiencing GIGS, which means she might wants to date other guys.

[OnlyHonesty]

You are verylikely to be wasting your time going on holiday to see her in two weeks. What has happened here is the feelings of attraction and bonding have now turned into a different type of bonding similar to brother and sister.

 

No amount of cuddling or time spent together is likely to change that and you are just setting yourself up for more hurt.

 

Part of the reason why this occured is due to not meeting enough. When you meet just enough, the attraction can be reignited and time apart allows her to create desire for you. However, once the type of bonding has changed then it probably won't matter.

[Shadow007]

You are verylikely to be wasting your time going on holiday to see her in two weeks. What has happened here is the feelings of attraction and bonding have now turned into a different type of bonding similar to brother and sister.

 

No amount of cuddling or time spent together is likely to change that and you are just setting yourself up for more hurt.

 

Part of the reason why this occured is due to not meeting enough. When you meet just enough, the attraction can be reignited and time apart allows her to create desire for you. However, once the type of bonding has changed then it probably won't matter.

 

she said she wants to go on a date...everything was perfect up untill the point i had a go at her and told her to be realistic, she said she still finds me attractive and stuff

[OnlyHonesty]

she said she wants to go on a date...everything was perfect up untill the point i had a go at her and told her to be realistic, she said she still finds me attractive and stuff

 

Never listen to what is said, only pay attention to what is done. Ignore words and watch actions.

 

 

That comment whre you said ''everything was perfect up untill the point i had a go at her and told her to be realistic'' translates to ''everything was perfect untill I spoke my mind and she could not handle it''.

 

Also, attraction will diminish because she has all control and you are at her beck and call waiting for her to decide whether she wants you. She has nothing to work for, no reason to desire and no challenge.

[Shadow007]

Never listen to what is said, only pay attention to what is done. Ignore words and watch actions.

 

 

That comment whre you said ''everything was perfect up untill the point i had a go at her and told her to be realistic'' translates to ''everything was perfect untill I spoke my mind and she could not handle it''.

 

Also, attraction will diminish because she has all control and you are at her beck and call waiting for her to decide whether she wants you. She has nothing to work for, no reason to desire and no challenge.

 

well i have a month with her and a few days, im going to be staying with her shes really excited what do you think i should do?

[whatcanitellyou]

So are you guys long distance? If so 4 years is a long time for that.....distances are very difficult to navigate in relationships.

[Shadow007]

So are you guys long distance? If so 4 years is a long time for that.....distances are very difficult to navigate in relationships.

 

yup im in England shes in Australia

[OnlyHonesty]

well i have a month with her and a few days, im going to be staying with her shes really excited what do you think i should do?

 

 

If you are going to go then in my opinion, it's best to have zero expectations, relax, have fun and spend the time without worrying about whether you will see her again or not. Think of it as a holiday and have a really good laugh, be silly, be fun to be around.

 

If you spend the trip worrying, questioning and stressing then there will be no fun.

 

On a more serious note, a man should never refrain from speaking his mind to a woman or anyone else. I believe in assertiveness and not being afraid to tell someone the truth. That is why I disagreed with your comment so much (about it all going well until you told her to be more realistic).

 

Guys don't realise that not speaking their mind and holding things back is much worse. Not only does it send the wrong message and create tension but it shows you are afraid.

Edited November 26, 2014 by OnlyHonesty

[Shadow007]

she said today that she doesn't feel the same connection but she thinks of me the same as she always has, she said she still wants to be affectionate and when im there romantic. i think shes depressed right now.

 

also i always spoke my mind before i just don't think i can while she's like this, shes still open to her feelings about me i think theyre very confused atm.

[Shadow007]

well ive spoken to her a lot, we're having a week break from talking untill i get there, shes happy im positive and i have hope of getting her back she said she'll be shocked if she does get back with me but equally as shocked if she doesn't, we're gonna go on lots of dates and just stay happy the whole time. she said she's happy with me and whatever the case will just take things slow, she said she wants to love me again and i told her that if she really does she'll get it back, and i promised her that ill make her even happier than before.

 

on another note its really making me question love, it seems very fragile no matter how much you try for someone you can lose them.