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Baffled after argument.


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Okey so I'm in a bit of a conundrum!!!

 

I had a HUGE fight with the guy I'm seeing and I don't know what to make of things ...

 

1. Initially met 5 years ago ... He pursued me and but I held back at the time since I didn't think he was serious. We met again 4 months ago and hit it off ... we've been talking, texting, skyping (but no definition as to what we are doing relationship wise ... not for lack of trying).

2. The argument came about because I informed a mutual friend about his change of behavior post intimacy the second time we saw each other (reduced calls, no texts, change of plans).

3. We have different personalities but similar backgrounds, interests, life goals. He has shared a lot of things that are highly personal so I feel (or felt) like he trusted me.

 

So the argument lasted more than a week and in that time I asked him repeatedly whether he wanted to end things and he repeatedly said no ... that he was just disappointed that I had such a low opinion of him and our "relationship" ... I've never had someone so upset with me (yet I feel like my only fault was talking to a friend) and I don't know what to do. The reason I ask if he wants to end things is because he really doesn't seem to want to talk to me (he is hot and cold so I never know what to expect) and still never texts unless I do. How are we to have a long distance anything if we dont talk???

 

That argument was about 3 weeks ago should I walk away since we are not in a "relationship"?

 

Is he playing mind games?

 

P.S this issue came up again last week and I asked him since he'd had several weeks to think things through whether he wanted us to end things since he is obviously so unhappy and again he said no and asked why I keep thinking that's what he wants.

Edited by Lovinginny
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I'm confused too. Didn't you meet him in January last time? 4 moths ago would instead mean you met in July this year.

 

My general advice: don't have sex with a guy if you have no deal with him whatsoever. It sounds extreme, but takes the trouble out of your mind (avoiding your subsequent mental masturbation).

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Meet in January???? I said I initially met him 5 years ago then met him again 4 months ago ... There was no contact between initial meeting and the one in July.

 

I should know better about being intimate prior to defining the relationship but all conversations we'd had indicated that he wanted to be in a relationship with me ... until he flipped the script that is.

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Meet in January???? I said I initially met him 5 years ago then met him again 4 months ago ... There was no contact between initial meeting and the one in July.
Oh, OK, for a moment I thought you were the same poster as in the other thread "My bf is broke". I'm glad your friend is not broke, and sorry he's not your bf! :)

 

I should know better about being intimate prior to defining the relationship but all conversations we'd had indicated that he wanted to be in a relationship with me ... until he flipped the script that is.
Yeah... there are lots and lots of threads in here from let down girls in the same situation, saying "But I thought..."

 

Anyway, it's hard to decode your situation. It might be he doesn't want to come across as too much into you being so early on in the relationship. Is it even a relationship? Or are you just seeing him casually? Or just (but this would be sad, and he let you know he's not that shallow), he reached his goal and not pursuing you anymore. I guess you can talk to him eye to eye and ask him next time you meet. Why don't you ever call me/text me? What are you expecting out of this? And see what he says.

 

In the meantime, I guess you should just back off, and leave him alone. See if he looks for you.

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From a gent's perspective, the ladies who have chimed in, well they got it right. But let me offer this, after an argument, we guys also suck at dealing with it. My deal is, the next day, to SLAM the guy and talk with a buddy in the sauna while we are sweating and griping over our women. It's part of the venting process. But I always hurt. Always. I miss her, i crave her, and all the nonsense evaporates.

 

Players won'f feel this. They will "graze other pastures." If your guy is into YOU, expect this distance, this bit of silence, because he is hurting too. Some guys will verbalize it (google HSP highly sensitive people) while others will lack the skills to verbalize their feelings. Don't hold this against them. We all hurt in our own manners....

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Thanks for your "two cents". It does help to have a man's point of view in these situations.

 

So far I have come up with two scenarios. Scenario 1: He hit it, quit it and wants me to beat it but I have been slow on the uptake hence the on going situation. Since he used to be a player I imagine he got what he wanted tried to bail but I involved other parties so he prob had to change his strategy. This explains his lack of interest in fully resolving the issue, poor quality convos and texts. Perhaps I'm to get pissed off and initiate the break-up?

 

Scenario 2: He really got hurt and is taking a long time getting through it all - he does say that his feelings towards me havent changed. However, since he doesn't want to talk and resolve things, it keeps erupting to the surface when I least expect it and has caused us to stagnate. This scenario would explain why we are still maintaining some communication even though it's not the "good quality" kind.

 

As you can see, I really am confused about the man I am dealing with. I now don't know if I knew him as much as I thought I did. I think for now I'll step back.

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Super attentive how? What is he doing? If that means calling you and being nice, that is not "super attentive". Please explain.

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