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i cracked and gave him too much


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bottom line of this story. i broke it off. i regret it big time. he tried for 1 month to get me to change my mind. i first told him i didnt love him when he asked me. YES im a jerk and i hate myself it wasnt true. i wasnt playing games. i had reason...so i thought. ok, so then he asked me a few times and i finally said i did but i said it like a robot. we talked everyday still. by the time i was finally out of my MAJOR MAJOR stress i was dealing with ...i wanted to tell him my true feelings. that i really LOVED him..as in IN LOVE. and it was THAT horrible day i i wanted to say he ..

 

.i also.was going on a date and i turned him off when i reacted to it apparently. and never got to tell him. NOW i know he had a perfect right to be mad. BUT what i didnt know (because he told me otherwise) was that he wasnt waiting for me and was gonna date. he told me he loved me and was still trying prior to my finding out about her, so i had no reason to think he'd meet someone and vanish all feelings and communication. the night he went on this date i left messages when i thought he didnt come home all night. i didnt hear from him for 2 whole days/ phone blocked or off. so i thought he slept over with her. even if it was cudding. and why wouldnt he . afterall he hasnt had physical sex in 5 years. we were together for 3 years LD . and he thought in his mind i no longer wanted him.

 

then i called him and told him i wanted to be with him the way we were he said u dont want me your just jealous. i tried to explain that wasnt the case. he didnt sound convinced tho by the end of the conversation he told me he really knew i loved him. when i asked him to go back to the way it was he said not now. i think its "not now" because someone else is in the picture and he figures he wants to check it out. but he wont tell me. i then went and wrote him a long email telling him i was wrong and dont blame him and that im not giving him ultimatums. and that i wish he was still my man again. i dont hear from him. (this is NOT like him).

 

then i write trick or treat happy Halloween and it isnt till the next day he text me "you too". thats it. when a man is into u he calls ...write...smoke signals something ..especially when he wanted u back so bad and seemed so changed. but when i hurt him bad and he tells me i destroyed him and he tells me F U for making me stopping thinking of us" the night of his date. im thinking i am sunk now and why go with me when i talked him out of us for a month prior...even stupidily told him i was tooo old for him. i not am devastated. i cant eat...think...sleep....or see straight. i seriously cant see straight my vision is effected. i feel im major cut off. i want to ask him to just tell me if i should move on. but i fear, because i wouldnt answer all of his questions when he wanted me too, that he wont tell me where i stand now in his life. however i tried to and spoke to him daily and called him and answered all of his calls, when he needed me there. whereas he just cut me off completely. i want him back . i love him. i want to fix this or need closure and truth. thanks what do i do to get his attention to talk to me again ...and open up. hes been bipolar like in the past 3 years ....and doesnt like to talk ..as men dont usually..and being mad at me...and probably having a girl to date now..i just dont know where i stand and cant think anymore. need answers what do i say to him. i pray this makes sense again. im tired and really at a low point.

 

 

im convinced he has a person making him stronger to stay away from me.. he acts like i dont exist anymore. please tell me what to text or write to him. because the mere words "you too" said to me in 8 days is horrible and maddening. and i want him back and never wanted him to leave and i love him and want to express it. without making him more mad or scaring him . i dont want them to bond and i go N/C and hope he calls. hes been shown no love for 1 month...no contact would be deadly now as far as killing this further. he needs to know hes loved and will he even care if someone is int he picture?

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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i asked him to contact me. no reply yet. i need to tell himw hats in my heart. my friends b/f of 12 years died yeasterday she just posted it on fb. very sad situation. i just want to express my love then try to move on. i cant stop crying ...this grief is horrible. i am alone most of the time. he meant so much to me. hours he filled in my day. ppl will say knit. lol. go out....w/e. i have a disability am older things are different. im so sad he not in my life i wish he would break down and have some compassion on any level and call for all i tried to be for him thru the 3 years together. sorry venting and feeling so sick

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"after feeling neglected and treated poorly by him."

 

This man that you have never met in the 3 years you have had interaction with, who lives 100 miles away from you, who has neglected you and treated you poorly -- you need to move on and stop contacting him.

 

If two people can't find a way to bridge 100 miles after 3 years, you can't really be serious about having a commitment or even chasing someone like him.

 

It's understandable you have an attachment to him and you have built an image in your head, but you need to let it go. Stop wasting anymore precious years on an illusion, because that is what you really have.

Edited by Zahara
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Sorry, but it is almost impossible to read a wall of text with no paragraph breaks or capitalizations.

 

You will get more replies if you re-post in a readable fashion.

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When you initially broke up with him you had valid reasons. You never said those reasons were resolved so presumably, they still exist & remain valid. Going backwards in life is not productive.

 

You two were long distance & now he has someone closer to him. Let them be.

 

You need to let go of him & find somebody closer to you. You will be happier.

 

You don't really want him back. You simply don't like being lonely & for some it can be emotionally easier to have bad relationship then no relationship but that's not a healthy choice.

 

Stop contacting him. The more you talk to him the less chance you have to heal & find somebody closer to you.

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thank u all for your insightful candid replies. i just want to correct this. hes 1000 miles away. i am so upset that i cant type. im on sensory overload. so that 1000 miles. he doesnt own a car. he has no family or anyone who helps him. he young. lives a lone. supports himself. is kinda bipolar...ups and downs with depression. he is gorgeous. but he lacks confidence and yet acts confident. i cant explain this he may be narcissistic.

 

me..i have an inner ear disorder. dizzy...ringing in ears the works. can fly dont have the money ..etc. travel like that is a challenge. so we talked 5- 10 times a day...watched tv together ..play games. we helped each other loneliness but we arent needed believe it or not.

 

i helped him and he helped me. and we loved each other. we are an real unlikely duo...but we did it and were gonna meet. i had real life valid cumulative stress. including living in a building that was under construction for 2 whole years...work station directly about me....making my condition worse...on and on it goes.

 

he battled depression...worked on and off. you get the picture. he was loyal as can be though. i mean L O Y A L. i admired that in him and i was to him too. we both helped each other out of other break ups and problems in life. i cant even talk about him anymore this is so hard to relive. and then wake up and bam hes gone. my stresses caused me to wonder about my safety. he had outbursts but really is sweet. and i watch too many shows like 48 hours /...etc. yikes. i lost it......i was thinking..hmmm maybe end this. i have so much stress and he wants always responding the way i hoped he would. but trust me...hes probably exactly what i needed to get my priorities straight :( . all i want to do now is tell him that. that i didnt mean i was concerned about age or couldnt get over it. i only told him that to not make him get all down on himself thinking i didnt feel safe when i was overwhelmed and imagining ...more about his temperament that might have been. he asked me to tell him if i loved him. i told him i didnt anymore when i didnt. hoping to make all my stresses go away. and when the smoke cleared in my life i realized what an idiot i am ....and now hes likely really with someone else. he acts like im dead. for real. so much silence i cant stand it. he NEVER EVER did this b4. and he said he was going on a date.

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It was lovely while it lasted but it's over. There is no meaningful way to bridge the distance. Let it go. Date somebody local

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18 years his senior . and no i told him the age was an issue. it wasnt really. it was the manic part of him.

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You guys haven't met up at all in 3 years??? C'mon now. He has a job, it's not like he's living with his mom and dad, and can't afford a plane ticket.

 

You sure this was real?

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18 years his senior . and no i told him the age was an issue. it wasnt really. it was the manic part of him.

 

The fact that you're being vague about your ages leads me to believe that you know it is an issue or you are embarassed to tell us what your ages are because it will possibly be more of an indication as to why it's another bad check on the list.

 

Look, maybe the age is not an issue but it seems that the two of you are emotionally unhealthy and with the distance it just makes it rather impossible to have a relationship. Spending 3 years of your life dependent on some guy via phone conversations is indicative of how unhealthy this has become. It seems like you both with the mental and emotional issues that you each face, use each other as a crutch and to enable the dysfunction.

 

Instead of doing that -- seek to help yourself and work on your issues. Go and see a therapist. Go out and meet people. Interact. Get involved in activities on a meetup. Try and create a social circle. See a doctor if you feel you need medication to regulate your emotions. Get a second job to earn more income. If you are lonely, there are other things you can do in your life to fill that void.

 

Stop investing in a go nowhere situation. Do something other than hanging daily on the phone connected to a guy that is a 1000 miles away that you've never met.

Edited by Zahara
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ok my disability will not allow me to get a first job let alone a second one. i dont drive and public trans is a real challenge.

 

he didnt have the money paying his bills and just surviving. but yeah he could have gotten himself in gear. pot made him lazy and he was insecure....so was i. by the time we3 got past that. it was passionate and very real. yes this is real. hes seen videos of me ..me pics of him....trust this one thing. its real. and i dont mean this in a bad way but we are both desirable. but wanted each other. he is a 10. no not just to me. to woman and mankind lol. i am dead serious a 10..but he has some issues lol. me im not bad. but i have my disability and other issues . no they are not mental. i am not on any meds. i dont smoke pot or drink because of my ear disorder. but we worked well togther. and if i could meet him now i would go to the ends of the earth. i wish he would just call and let us have closure and peace. and you say start anew. john gray of men are from mars woman are from venus says. good ending make better beginnings in the next relationship. to strive to make peace. im not at peace since ending it. when i really didnt want to and now he seems so lost to me :(

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i lied to him. i broke it off and told him it was about our big age difference. 18 years apart. me older than him.

 

i didnt mean to lie. he knew he couldnt fix our age thing and let it go at that...but not after fighting to keep me for a month.

 

i cant get into the whole story but the truth is i was afraid. i was in a stressed frame of mind. hes like bipolar and doesnt have much patience, for emotional demands. <---not that anyone was demanding of him. just an expression here.

 

anyway, since i was stressed and i have to handle him gingerly on a lot of levels, i didnt turn to him when stressed. and it built up inside of me. was a wee bit overwhelming this past year. my home under construction etc. (for 2 whole years) and it was exacerbating a physical condition i have. ok with all that said...

 

i was watching a few shows one week and they i started to think. hmmm what if he let his temper go this far. the people on the shows were dealing with temperamental ppl. i spooked myself and started to distance myself from him. (boy did i need a vacation maybe i wouldnt have looked at things or him like this)

 

we are LDR and never met and i thought what if his temper is always hot in real life...when meeting him. etc.

 

ok when i snapped out of my thinking..i knew i wanted him back and ....he was going out with a friend. i saw it as a date and went off on him. he got mad at me for acting this way because since i broke up with him, who am i to now comment on what he does. understandable. i get it...so help me i get it. since then i have been trying to talk to him ..fix this etc. he ignores me and thinks im just jealous and want him ONLY for that reason and duped him all these years having an age hang up. sighs.

 

this is what happens when ur afraid to talk to a man and be forthright. you cant tell ppl bad thoughts u had about them. thats not their problem. and i didnt want him getting a poor image of himself. he already has enuff of that with ups and downs and depression. i need him strong and didnt want to make him feel useless and i used age as an excuse. i almost talked him out of me is what i did. i am an idiot. actually looks liek thats exactly what happened,.

 

i dont know how to tell him this and he doesn't care to speak to me its been over 15 days where he volutionarily reached out to me and it was normal b4 our fight. he seems done. i havent heard from him since. what do i do and say to him? i pray hes not with someone new. and please dont say no contact . he said he was destroyed with with my distance and that i didnt say i love you for a month...and he asked me and like a jerk i told him i didnt. its ok tell me off. im so damn furious with myself. i am grieving like crazy here. i want to tell him the truth but cant. and the lie was wrong. what do i do to make him know this isnt hopeless with me and age is fine by me. we have been together 3 full years LD .

Edited by IfiKnewThen
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SoThatHappened

we are LDR and never met and i thought what if his temper is always hot in real life...when meeting him. etc.

Was hoping to be able to respond with some advice until I read the above passage from your post.

 

You've never met him, it's been 3 years, and you broke up with him after being convinced by something on television?

 

Really not trying to be mean, I promise. This post screams to me that you're completely undeveloped/inexperienced when it comes to romantic relationships.

 

Maybe it's a religion/culture thing that I don't understand, but how can you "date" someone that long and never meet them?

 

As for advice, I'd cut the cord and try to figure out why you would even entertain being long-distance for 3 years without actually meeting him.

 

Don't you want to find someone close to you who you can actually see and touch?

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yikes i think i actually meant to put this int he LDR section of LS. and i wrote in previous post. i have a disability....dont fly...he doesn't have a car. there were money issues. we met on a game together. we are very close. talk on a chat (hear voice channel in game, call each other 24/7. anyway. thanks for responding..im sure it looks odd..when ppl dont fall in love with another who lives across the street etc. and its nto complicated. but just wanted to know how i can be forthright and tell him it wasnt about the age. but yikes...the other thing sounds like hes a maniac.

 

trust me im not a green horn immature person . but i have been isolated a bit the last few years with the onset of my disability. but wanting to know how i can be honest and tell him it was cumulative stress and wanting to not upset him so i said i was ending it due to ages. i know this isnt easy to understand. gets more difficut to write about by the minute :p sighs

Edited by IfiKnewThen
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bump. someone please answer. i need to write to him and get him to tell me where we stand i cant breath anymore. i last told him i wanted us back that was over 9 days ago. thats a lot for us ...please i have to write something about age not being the case and wanting him back

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:s please fix your problems and try to find a real man. Otherwise you will live forever in limbo.

 

After reading your post my conclusion is tgat you need some help from a counselor. You seem highly immature. Please get some help.

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bump. someone please answer. i need to write to him and get him to tell me where we stand i cant breath anymore. i last told him i wanted us back that was over 9 days ago. thats a lot for us ...please i have to write something about age not being the case and wanting him back

 

Don't write to him. You don't need him back. the relationship wasn't working & it wasn't going anywhere.

 

What you need is a healthy loving relationship close to you. Go find someone to date who is closer to your age & who lives near you.

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hi thanks for writing back i know you mean well. however im not immature. i did things for what i thought was a good reason at the time. i didnt know someone moved my post. but it does makes sensr to be here since its about a LDR.

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bump. someone please answer. i need to write to him and get him to tell me where we stand i cant breath anymore. i last told him i wanted us back that was over 9 days ago. thats a lot for us ...please i have to write something about age not being the case and wanting him back

 

It's done and it's over. You told him you wanted to be back and he has ignored you. As hard as it is, stop chasing this illusion of a man. While what you feel is real and painful, it just isn't realistic to keep holding on to something that just isn't there.

 

Stop using this man as a crutch to avoid facing your issues. The age difference is irrelevant and has no bearing at this point. Does your disability stop you from leaving the house and meeting people?

 

You may not be immature, although I think you are. Just because you're older doesn't make you emotionally mature. But you may be unrealistic and so far in denial.

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hey zaharra ty for writing back.

 

yes 9 days ago, i told him i wanted him/us back like we used to be. HOWEVER, he didnt believe its what i wanted. i convinced him i didnt want him prior and told him i didnt love him , plus said it was due to the age. i didnt mean it. that sucks for me and him. i know. i hate myself for it more than u know.

 

so why would he believe i really want him when i did this for 1 month prior. now i can tell u all this. i treated him like a king for 3 years. not needy and all weird. NO but with great dignity and respect and i just want the same now with a little communication from him as to has he moved on for good. i dont want to guess. althought i know it looks like a duck. meaning hes NOT calling NOT writing..NOT texting so something is amiss. i do believe he met someone he can get anyone at the drop of a hat. dotn know how long he can keep them ..i dont know but get them. 1 minute flat. just on his looks alone. now that means squat to me . i an very deep, loving and not shallow and have dated guys 450 pounds true story. and handsome men too. in my past. BUT he truly looks like a model and a stranger in a convenience store did a double take and told him he looked like a GOD. so no question in my mind...its entirely possible. plus he is NOT shallow. he needs and wants love. he has NO one in his life of any real significance of consequence. his best friend told me...me once he is so darn madly in love you with you are the best thing that EVER happened to this man.

 

because of my disability and isolation from that i may have become out of tune a bit BUT i am not immature lol. but i know it can look like that from ppl who dont know me. i concede to that. but i am just a woman who loves him, and wants to fix the stupid hurtful mistake i made and tell him..he is loved, and i do want him. the thing he kept shouting on the phone to me ...was YOU DONT WANT me. like egging me on to tell him i did or do or whatever. so i said yes i do. he said NO..its only because youre jealous. that i have a friend. (sighs) he has a girl friend now who drives him all around to the stores etc. he doesnt have a car. lives 1000 miles away. she does not bother me and has been around him for all the years i have known him. sighs. this new girl is someone at work.

 

am i scared. hell yes. because im jealous no. because we put 3 years into this and i didnt tell him what was really ailing me, because i didnt want him down about himself he used to talk about killing himself at different times. i see that now more as an attention seeker now that anything. his male frioend once told me that about him too. BUT just incase b/c i do know 2 ppl in extended family that DID kill themselves.

 

back on point. i pray there is no one. or that i can at least break thru the barrier of silence and find out and tell the truth of how i really feel before anymore time runs out. the distance is why this cant wait. i dont want him moving away further w/o knowing the truth...that i do want him. and not because of her ..if there is a her. but because i always wanted him and want this to finally come to fruition. and at least meet. or come to a close and he tell me outright. not just silence and become cross lovers without him knowing.....i dont give a flying woot about the age.

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i treated him like a king for 3 years. not needy and all weird. NO but with great dignity and respect and i just want the same now with a little communication from him as to has he moved on for good.

 

In this thread you said, "after feeling neglected and treated poorly by him" -- what does it mean for you to treat him like a king for 3 years when he didn't, granted you haven't even met so I'm not sure how "king treatment" is defined in this dynamic -- and why would you expect him to treat you any differently than what you stated?

 

he needs and wants love. he has NO one in his life of any real significance of consequence. his best friend told me...me once he is so darn madly in love you with you are the best thing that EVER happened to this man.

 

Unfortunately, as I said in your other thread -- it can get old and boring. No man, and as you say one who is a 10, is going to hang on a phone perpetually when he can go out there and meet women that can sustain him emotionally, mentally and physically. While you may have been the best thing, I'm not sure how much staying power that holds after 3 years. It's just not realistic.

 

i am just a woman who loves him, and wants to fix the stupid hurtful mistake i made and tell him..he is loved, and i do want him. the thing he kept shouting on the phone to me ...was YOU DONT WANT me. like egging me on to tell him i did or do or whatever. so i said yes i do. he said NO..its only because youre jealous. that i have a friend.

 

I have to wonder if you gave him an out and that is why he has remained gone. I can't get into the emotional immaturity of how you both conduct yourselves -- I want you, I don't want you, it's the age, it's not the age, I love you, I don't love you, etc. -- it is apparent that along with all the other barriers, this is just a lost cause.

 

(sighs) he has a girl friend now who drives him all around to the stores etc. he doesnt have a car. lives 1000 miles away. she does not bother me and has been around him for all the years i have known him. sighs. this new girl is someone at work.

 

Maybe I missed the part about him already having a girlfriend but this is where I tell you to let him go and stop chasing him. And this is where I tell you that it is time to face your insecurities and your issues, alone.

 

am i scared. hell yes. because im jealous no. because we put 3 years into this and i didnt tell him what was really ailing me, because i didnt want him down about himself he used to talk about killing himself at different times. i see that now more as an attention seeker now that anything. his male frioend once told me that about him too. BUT just incase b/c i do know 2 ppl in extended family that DID kill themselves.

 

Bipolar, depression, suicide, insecurities, disability, distance, lack of money, can't travel, can't work, can't drive, no car -- good grief. Enough already. And you talk about the two of you being emotionally mature and healthy. Wrong.

 

back on point. i pray there is no one.

 

You just said he has a girl "friend" -- it likely is someone.

Edited by Zahara
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lord pls help me to communicate proper in this tread as i am worn down and confusing people from being so overwhelmed. amen

:rolleyes:

for real. he did NOT have a girlfriend. he has a female "friend" who drives him to store. no romance there. i was NEVER jealous. BUT this date he went on was about romance. i am pretty sure it was. there was a difference. so therefore i am NOT a jealous person. was just trying to lay things out for you. this is all irrelevant.

 

what is relevant is what you said here:

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by IfiKnewThen View Post

i treated him like a king for 3 years. not needy and all weird. NO but with great dignity and respect and i just want the same now with a little communication from him as to has he moved on for good.

In this thread you said, "after feeling neglected and treated poorly by him" -- what does it mean for you to treat him like a king for 3 years when he didn't, granted you haven't even met so I'm not sure how "king treatment" is defined in this dynamic -- and why would you expect him to treat you any differently than what you stated?

 

Quote:

Unfortunately, as I said in your other thread -- it can get old and boring. No man, and as you say one who is a 10, is going to hang on a phone perpetually when he can go out there and meet women that can sustain him emotionally, mentally and physically. While you may have been the best thing, I'm not sure how much staying power that holds after 3 years. It's just not realistic.

 

i AGREE. i am NOT delusional. this is my fear and why i cry myself to sleep at nights. i feel hes gone just like u say here for those reasons above ^^

 

so with all this said, i feel i lost him BUTTTTTTTTTTTTT

I want to hear it from him. like he wanted to hear it from me and i gave him that EVEN though i made a BIG mistake and was under stress and NOT in 100% in touch with my feelings under that stress. so NOW i want to know if he says its over. i want to tell him he can see me feel me touch me and me go visit him or him me or meet half way. i want to tell him i DOOOO want him. will you see that point? and then if he say no its over ..i say ok. and beg God in my prayers for him to help heal me inside. BUT i need to know. also....

 

i think your right he may have used the YOU DONT want me as an OUT. even though for 1 month he begged to be "in"

 

NOW that he has moved on or wants to move on...maybe he feels bad because he told me he was waiting on my answer and meantime he doesnt tell me hes gonna date too. and he does and now maybe doesnt want me so he says to me. YOU DONT WANT ME.

 

which is likely do u think.

 

and once again thak u for the time u put into this and really truly trying to step back and look at it. i see that

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ugh the first quote was the wrong quote and how did i make him feel like a king 1000-miles away you ask? i uplifted his spirits. i didnt make a feel like a freak for having depression. i kept him compnay in his loneliest darkest hours. i made christmas feel like christmas. i brought joy in his home from the outside world. i can never explain this in a million years if i tried. i baked for him and mailed it to him. i surprised him. i slept side by side with him..we didnt even have to talk. i kept him company at work...when he had long lonely hours. i told him like it was. too . not fight tell him off. but when he acted in appropaite about soemthing i didnt stroke him and tell him it was right. when he was hugry i gave him food. he gave to me too. but it was more with loving me ..being there ...being loyal. over looking our difference and the miles. till we COULD get together. thats all. but yeah i know thats not enough when he can be close to someone at home but yes that was the objective for us. the goal and plan was to meet.

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