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ldr , do I even want her back?


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So I met this girl on a dating site "eharmony" last year on December 11,2013. Everything went well that we started to skype for a little bit. Then we exchanged numbers and we really hit it off really well.

 

We texted for a few months, she started to develop feelings for me. Asking me why do I treat her so well. And she had fallen hard for me where she said wanted to say love you like 3-4 months in.

 

We talked mostly every night, when she got off from work. And text during the day to make our day happy. We would send pics of ourself to bring us a smile to put faces. That shr couldn't wait till I came to see her.

 

Few months down the road I said I loved her, she was really happen for me. Then something happened to her family where her parents are fighting. She wouldn't give me the details. I offered her to pay gor her ticket to fly up her to see me. She refused cause she had so much stress.

this was during our 6 month part. She wanted a "break" to think about things. So I gave her a break then she texted me1-2 days later telling me she missed me and such.

 

Everything went down hill during our 8-9 months anniversary. She told me her ex texted her back, she had feelings for him still. She got confused and such. So she ended things with me, cause she still loves him very much. And told me we will most likEly get back together. Then she said I hung out with him and his friends playing beer pong and I stayed over cause I wasmy sober to drive. At his place and told me not to assume things. Tells me she doesn't see a future between us, even though I did. But only has Friends

 

She said I needed not to contact her so I can get over this break up. Which I did and she texts me right a few days later. Saying I miss talking to you etc. And to see how I was doing and right there is when she regrets ending it with me saying sorry, over and over that I am.confused and I didn't mean to hurt you. That she said her and the ex broken up for one month and shouldn't have moved on quickly. And now tells me she's nit ready for an relationship and still will hang out with him. Since they were together last time

 

Now I know she lied to me, played me. And will get back together with her ex. Would I take her back if her ex and her don't work out and she returns to me?

I really liked her alot. We had a lot of similarly together. I know I want her back but after the stunt she pulled idk if I really do. I know somer hung was up when I would say love you or muah. Her response would be I know

 

Now she doesn't text me a whole lot now. So I am on day 1 of no communication whst do you guys think?

Edited by scubasteve
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I wonder how you'd feel being second choice, if she comes back to you after being rejected by another guy, or being back to you just because she broke up with the other guy.

 

I guess you wouldn't feel OK with it. And I think you wouldn't want to be a rebound either.

 

Don't you feel you deserve better than being any girl's second choice? And I can go as far as to tell you that if you're second choice since the start, you'll remain second choice for good. So if anyone better comes along, she will have doubts again, and might want to leave and hop on the other train, again.

 

So, what do you think? Is that what you want for yourself and your future?

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By second choice, what do you mean? This is a new term I never heard of.

 

No I would be pissed. I wasted my time with her if I was gonna be second choice or a rebound

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Second choice is exactly that. You would essentially be settled for since it's obvious her first choice is her ex.

 

 

So how this would play out is she would be making a full-court press for the ex but if he ends up moving on with some cuter chick, she comes back to you with a tear in her eye on how he treated her bad. She'll make you feel like the knight in shining armor to save her from this big bad cheating ex, but the reality is she couldn't pull off what she was striving for so she settles for you to like her wounds and repair her damaged ego.

 

The real catch is she will still be pining for the ex and will still drop you like a hot potato if the ex shows up again or if she finds someone else in his league that she thinks she has a chance with.

 

What she is doing now is friend zoning you to keep sitting on the shelf in reserve while she gets it on with him. She is making you sit at home hanging on and waiting for her while she is wrapping her legs around him and sucking his dck.

 

Don't do this. She has the right to date and screw whoever she wants but has absolutely no right to lead you on and make you think you stand a chance with her and have you waiting patiently for her while she rides him.

 

Don't wait for her. Don't put your life on hold waiting for her to decide what she's going to do. Don't sit on reserve waiting to see how things are going to play out with this other guy. Keep moving forward with your life. Be dating other girls. Stay on the market and pursue all options and ask out all girls that catch your eye and intrigue you.

 

If she shows up the the middle of the night and slides into bed with you, go ahead and bang her if you don't have anything else going on, but never wait on the shelf for ANYONE. People are either in or they're out. NEVER let anyone talk you into waiting for them.

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Wow thanks guys. It looks like I got used hard, and I was crying over this girl and i was dumb for not seeing it. I wish she never used me like thst.

 

Seesh, and she tells me she's not ready for a relationship and also told her ex the guy she's hanging with "I can't date you right now, or something like that. " What I don't understand is 25 years old, you don't act like a damn child. She will the only be heartbroken next time, because I won't be played again. BS, she just lied about being in love eith me, lying about her feelings. I can do much better to make her jealous.

 

I do know they haven't had sex yet. But they will, if she comes back do I give her an altimentive?

Edited by scubasteve
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