Any way to get her back?

[suffocated]

Me and my ex were in a LDR for 2 years and a half, but things got worse between us so on July 10th, she told me she'd contact me as soon as possible and that she loves me, but then she didn't contact me again. She's a girl from my family. And we both truly loved each other. Just things didn't worked out really well during the last 3 months before July.

Then she deleted her facebook, blocked me on skype, and made a new facebook id and blocked me there too.

Then her friend told me that she has made a new id. But I was blocked there.

Then I asked her friend to tell my ex to talk to me.

And my ex told her friend that she NEVER wants to talk to me again.

 

And since then, I can't breath. I keep myself so much busy the whole day, that I barely have time to think about her, but she's on my mind 24/7.

Can't stop seeing her in my dreams..

I attempted 3 suicides in 3 weeks and THANK GOD I failed in all of them.

We both were so close as if we would never be separated..

 

Please tell me how can I talk to her..

How can I make her feel like the way I do ?

How can I get her back?

And please don't tell me to move on. Because that is what I am trying to do for about almost 4 months.

My ex never talked to any other male except me, And neither did I talk to any other female except for her.

We just had a kind of a deal.

 

She's a LEO. And she has so much Pride and ego.

Please help me I miss her with all my heart, every day it keeps getting harder for me to forget her. The more days pass, the more she's in my head..

Help ! :'(

[justwhoiam]

Any way to get her back?

The only way to talk to her would be by meeting her in person. And even then, the outcome would be uncertain.

 

1. Where do you live?

2. Where does she live?

3. Have you ever met her?

4. How old are you?

5. How old is she?

 

things got worse between us so on July 10th

Something really bad must have happened, if she decided to cut you off so abruptly.

 

She's a girl from my family

You mean a relative? Like a cousin? Or?

 

I attempted 3 suicides in 3 weeks and THANK GOD I failed in all of them.

This is very bad. What are you doing to prevent this from happening again? Are you seeing a therapist?

 

How can I make her feel like the way I do ?

If someone stops having feeling for you, you need to accept it. I know it's very hard for you. Because if she had no feelings for you as her lover, she could have loved you dearly as a friend. Maybe she doesn, maybe she doesn't. But she clearly needed to cut you off abruptly for some reason.

 

How can I get her back?

First of all, you need to stop obsessing about this girl. You said she has a strong personality. If you aim at being with a girl with strong character, you need to have one yourself, or she will hardly respect you the way you deserve, and that will turn her off and hardly consider you as her bf/lover/partner.

 

We just had a kind of a deal.

What was the deal?

 

Try to answer the following questions honestly:

 

A. Did you do anything that could be perceived as disrespectful towards her? If so, what?

 

B. Have you ever raised your voice while talking to her?

 

C. Have you ever called her names? Have you ever said anything offensive?

 

D. Have you expressed opinions about her that were judgemental? Did you criticize her?

 

E. Were you suffocating? Telling her whom she could see/hang out with or whom she could talk to?

 

F. Do you have friends and family taking care of you? How are they helping you?

[suffocated]

Thank you for replying !

 

1. We both live in the same country. It's 2 hours flight from my city to hers..

2. She is my second cousin..

3. Yes we've met only once, for a week daily..

We had a physical relation. And those were the best 7 days of my life.

4. I am 22 years old.

5. She is 19 years old.

-----------------------

 

I caught her cheating me, but she kept saying that it was not cheating, but for me it really was.. I was hurt so badly, that I picked up my cell phone, called her mother, and told her about my ex and me. And I told her that I came to your house in your absence.

That is all I did. Just to make sure that she doesn't cheat on me anymore. But she called me the next day, she cried and apologized, and she said that she won't be able to contact me for some days as she will be grounded. After that she never made contact with me. She deleted all of our memories from Onedrive.

 

Answers to your questions:

 

A. Yes I disrespected her just once.

B. Yes I've raised my voice while talking to her the second last time we had our conversation.

C. No I didn't call her names, I just was kinda verbally abusive during the last month with her and she knows why. She never blamed me for abusing her, she understood that it was her fault that made me an evil person.

D. No..

E. Yes I was suffocating for the last 3 months since I came back to my city. But I did not tell her who she can talk to. Because that was her decision to make.

F. All of my friends and family know about all this. And my parents keep telling me that they will talk to her parents about us and get us both married when time comes after we've completed our studies. But I am so afraid that till then she might find someone else, or get in another relation.

.

When I tried to commit suicide, I took 30 diapezam pills, but I vomited, and for a week my mind was completely off and I did not know that I was awake all the time. After a week, my parents told me that I was smoking cigarettes in front of everyone, I was crying all the week, just begging my parents to make my ex talk to me etc.

I don't even know I did that.

And yes I tried to see a therapist but couldn't find a good one in my city. So I am still searching for the best therapist in my city.

 

P.S:

@Justwhoiam:

We've talked before and you helped me through my problems on january 2014.

I forgot my id and password that I used to have. It was hamzarana75 I guess.

I hope you remember that..

[d0nnivain]

You need to get therapy. You can't kill yourself over a girl.

 

She has gone to a number of extremes to get you out of her life & she is dating others. She has made her decision. All you can do is respect that & let her go.

[suffocated]

Yeah I tried to kill myself, but I won't be doing that anymore ever again.

I've learned so much from all this. I just keep blaming myself for everything.

 

P.S: Why and how is it so easy for you guys to just say LET HER GO?

It's the most arduous thing in the world.

I've been trying so hard to "Let Her Go", but the more I try hard, the more it gets impossible for me.

[justwhoiam]

We've talked before and you helped me through my problems on january 2014.

I forgot my id and password that I used to have. It was hamzarana75 I guess.

I hope you remember that..

Of course I do remember about you. I hadn't read your thread regarding your break up in May.

 

How did you blackmail her?

And how were you able to string the relationship along until July?

 

All the things I told you about controlling your anger etc, you didn't follow any of that. You behave like some rich spoiled child who only wants things his way and cannot accept any other way.

 

You need to respect women. I sense your religion and your environment are not helping you with that. So that is one of the first things that needs to be addressed ASAP. I guess you don't need to get lost in the quest of the best therapist ever in your city. Pick a professional, whomever he or she is. You'll have time to judge their work afterwards, not before you even start therapy. Also, anything is better than nothing, in your case.

 

By the way, what happened with your studies? Are you keeping up with them?

[Bumpin in My Trunk]

I understand about controlling our anger but what do you do with a person who cheats and claims to love you? And kept in contact with cheating partner and tried to hide it? Certainly all of those things would make you lose control. Of course, after all those things OP should have just left this girl.

[suffocated]

@justwhoiam:

 

As I said on my other post that I was going to visit my gf in a couple of days, so I made some plans, but my gf was not talking to me then. I was so worried, then I decided to finally see her. I told my other cousin, who then told my gf about my trip to her city.

So she didn't believe it at first, and when I got on the train, she heard the engines running and the railway track through the call, and she cried for about 2 to 3 hours for her ignoring and pride. Then we met, those were the BEST 7 days of my life. We enjoyed so much. She didn't knew any places for outing in her city, so I took her out on my own. That's how we were together till July. But when I came back to my city, after 2 weeks, she started telling me that she was cheating me by doing things that I hate. She apologized, so I understood her feelings that AT LEAST she told me the truth now. So I respected her.

Then she suddenly started being cold again. She broke up with me for NO reason at all in May. Then because of my begging and pleading like a CHILD, she came back to me in a week. She said she's tired of being in a relationship. Then I started going crazy. Because in my religion physical relations with women before marriage is known as the worst Sin. So all I kept thinking was that I had physical relation with her thinking her as my future, I started going crazy and all that...

 

And because of my stupid obsession, I was not able to study or attend my classes. I was at home dying with pain alone in my room for 2 months, when we had this fight about her cheating me AGAIN behind my back. I caught her and I was FASTING according to my religion, I could not bear this pain so I had to broke my fast.

 

Anyway, I followed whatever you told me about the women respect on January, and about myself. But on July after our fights, I forgot everything and my anger was beyond its limits.

I've started to study again hard. I am getting over her now I guess. I have not cried for two days THANK GOD.

She's slowly drifting away from my mind since I posted here. I was not feeling good to share my personal life with my friends. It's kind of a relief.

 

And I don't think that I'll be able to handle other relationships in my future. I guess I am the kind of guy that'll be good if remained single.

What do you think about this?

[suffocated]

I understand about controlling our anger but what do you do with a person who cheats and claims to love you? And kept in contact with cheating partner and tried to hide it? Certainly all of those things would make you lose control. Of course, after all those things OP should have just left this girl.

 

 

It really was a BIG extrication of my pain when I read your reply.

I never heard someone who's actually thinking by being on my side.

And yeah I tried to leave my EX two times, and I ended up forgiving her and talking to her again. She always got what she wanted. I always was a GIVER in our relationship.

However, it all finally ended with peace. No contact rule is the worst but it kinda makes you think all your mistakes about yourself. And I've learned so much from this relation that I never expected..

Thank you for your reply mate !

Made me smile

Edited October 25, 2014 by suffocated

[justwhoiam]

And I don't think that I'll be able to handle other relationships in my future. I guess I am the kind of guy that'll be good if remained single.

What do you think about this?

I think you have a long way to go, like a long road in front of you. But it's not an infinite road. It'll take you somewhere. You just need to follow the right path. With some guidance. You're probably not ready for a relationship right now. Not because you don't have love to give: you have lots of love to give. But you seem unable to channel your emotions into the right direction. You are easily overwhelmed and easily lose control. You need to work a bit on becoming a man with all that goes with it.

 

Don't let this experience haunt you. Let it go and learn from it. If you lose her in the process, think it's for the best.

[suffocated]

I think you have a long way to go, like a long road in front of you. But it's not an infinite road. It'll take you somewhere. You just need to follow the right path. With some guidance. You're probably not ready for a relationship right now. Not because you don't have love to give: you have lots of love to give. But you seem unable to channel your emotions into the right direction. You are easily overwhelmed and easily lose control. You need to work a bit on becoming a man with all that goes with it.

 

Don't let this experience haunt you. Let it go and learn from it. If you lose her in the process, think it's for the best.

 

Yeah that's right. Even I don't feel like I am ready for relationships right now.

I was too afraid of relationships after she stopped contacting me, but yeah you're right. I won't be afraid of this relationship.

I'll be contacting you again justwhoiam, IF my ex tries to talk to me. Because I don't know what to do if she tries to talk to me. Anyway, thank you so much for your help.

[ExpatInItaly]

Are you in counseling? Does your family know about your suicide attempts? You need to be under the care of a qualified professional, full stop. Any attempt to take your own life is gravely serious and demands care and treatment from people trained to help you.

 

As others have already told you, you cannot make someone love you. She is trying in all possible manner to tell you to leave her alone. I was very discouraged to read that you believe she made you evil and verablly abuse her. No. You are responsible for your behaviour. End of story.

 

Focus on yourself and healing. You don't have any choice but to let her go, as you cannot force another human being to stay with you. Life doesn't work that way. Don't even consider another relationship until you get yourself into a healthy place.

[IfiKnewThen]

love hurts!!!!! ..............when lost. you feel empty its horrible. youre NOT crazy. you fell hard. im sure people are tying to reason with her with words like...youre young. hes your cousin. look for something else. PLUS and i beg of you try NOT to feel bad about yourself you are human...but you lost her basic trust. trust is soooooooooo soooooooo important. i know you were desperate but you cant go calling parents saying im the cousin who loves her. its up to HER to tell them if and when she decides to and you definitely violated her trust. now i know you are very young. But please read men are from mars and women are from venus and your life will improve. you will have insight on females like you never realized b4 and insight on yourself as a male.

 

 

dont feel down on yourself because your depressed. replace pain with POSITIVE feel good about yourself actions that dont harm others and you will get through this. and find God too. pray ...read the bible ...ask God in your prayers for direction. you are NOT a bad guy or a crazy one. you are human, and you love deeply and love being loved. but love needs to be cared for and nurtured at a slow pace. trust me read that book. so much in there u can learn from and apply in your love life. God bless. stay straight (no drugs), stay strong. and trust you have more loves ahead of you and maybe she will return to you as an adult someday herself. read this post again if u have to ....but stay strong. oh yeah the book was written by john gray

Edited October 27, 2014 by IfiKnewThen

[suffocated]

Are you in counseling? Does your family know about your suicide attempts? You need to be under the care of a qualified professional, full stop. Any attempt to take your own life is gravely serious and demands care and treatment from people trained to help you.

 

As others have already told you, you cannot make someone love you. She is trying in all possible manner to tell you to leave her alone. I was very discouraged to read that you believe she made you evil and verablly abuse her. No. You are responsible for your behaviour. End of story.

 

Focus on yourself and healing. You don't have any choice but to let her go, as you cannot force another human being to stay with you. Life doesn't work that way. Don't even consider another relationship until you get yourself into a healthy place.

 

 

Yes my family knows about my suicide attempts. I did all that because I thought that I'd never get over my ex. And now that I am getting over her, so I won't be doing that anymore.

I am already taking good care of myself. So I am not being depressed anymore. Thank God..

[suffocated]

love hurts!!!!! ..............when lost. you feel empty its horrible. youre NOT crazy. you fell hard. im sure people are tying to reason with her with words like...youre young. hes your cousin. look for something else. PLUS and i beg of you try NOT to feel bad about yourself you are human...but you lost her basic trust. trust is soooooooooo soooooooo important. i know you were desperate but you cant go calling parents saying im the cousin who loves her. its up to HER to tell them if and when she decides to and you definitely violated her trust. now i know you are very young. But please read men are from mars and women are from venus and your life will improve. you will have insight on females like you never realized b4 and insight on yourself as a male.

 

 

dont feel down on yourself because your depressed. replace pain with POSITIVE feel good about yourself actions that dont harm others and you will get through this. and find God too. pray ...read the bible ...ask God in your prayers for direction. you are NOT a bad guy or a crazy one. you are human, and you love deeply and love being loved. but love needs to be cared for and nurtured at a slow pace. trust me read that book. so much in there u can learn from and apply in your love life. God bless. stay straight (no drugs), stay strong. and trust you have more loves ahead of you and maybe she will return to you as an adult someday herself. read this post again if u have to ....but stay strong. oh yeah the book was written by john gray

 

Well Thank you for your kind reply.

It was too hard to get through all this. But it's getting easier now. I am not over her completely, but I will, one day.

I have quit drugs now, joined a gym.

And I don't know why, but I have this strong feeling that she will return to me soon. That's my hope I guess..

And thanks for suggesting me Bible to read, but as I am a Muslim so we read Quran. It's 60% same as Bible.

Do remember me in your prayers ALWAYS..

God Bless

[IfiKnewThen]

whatever background you come from, the book men are from mars and women are from venus should be read by all mankind. its not about competition of the sexes...its about understanding how we each think and feel, so that communication can be successful and loved gained and mutually respected. really knowing that God did make men and women different in the sense to HOW we hear and respond to things....was beyond enlightening. it answers much. good luck : )

[suffocated]

whatever background you come from, the book men are from mars and women are from venus should be read by all mankind. its not about competition of the sexes...its about understanding how we each think and feel, so that communication can be successful and loved gained and mutually respected. really knowing that God did make men and women different in the sense to HOW we hear and respond to things....was beyond enlightening. it answers much. good luck : )

 

 

I just got this book. I'll be reading it now. Thank you soooo much !

I really appreciate it

[IfiKnewThen]

youre welcome. i hope it helps your situation just as far as understanding how women think and feel. you'd be one up on that to know that much/ good luck

[Bumpin in My Trunk]

It really was a BIG extrication of my pain when I read your reply.

I never heard someone who's actually thinking by being on my side.

And yeah I tried to leave my EX two times, and I ended up forgiving her and talking to her again. She always got what she wanted. I always was a GIVER in our relationship.

However, it all finally ended with peace. No contact rule is the worst but it kinda makes you think all your mistakes about yourself. And I've learned so much from this relation that I never expected..

Thank you for your reply mate !

Made me smile

 

 

I'm not really on anyone's side. I just understand what you went through. But you really should control your anger or your impulses. They can lead you to make bad decisions.

 

Here's some good advice someone told me. Be master of your words or else you will be their slave