connor91 Posted October 22, 2014 Share Posted October 22, 2014 Hey all. I haven't used this site for a while now but I thought I'd log back on as I need some advice. So about a month ago now I met a girl called Kaitlyn on a social media website and she messaged me about something and we got talking, just casually. We talked ongoing for another day and realised we had lot's in common and she gave me her Snapchat and Kik. A day later I messaged her on Kik just saying something like 'Miss me?' and she seemed excited that I had took the time to add her. I never expected anything to happen between us but Since then we have spoke basically every day and regularly Snap each other. She makes me happy and I seem to make her happy. We compliment each other a lot on our looks, personalities etc. I'm pretty confident she likes me and I definitely like her back. We are both single but I just came out of a relationship just before we started talking. I make that pretty short... So I've never been in a LDR before or even considered one but she's hinting she wants to do it. I'm nervous as you would expect. Question 1 How long before I should wait to talk about the whole idea of a long distance relationship? Question 2 Because I've never been in a situation like this before, how do I keep the spark going when we speak? I look forward to hearing your replies. Link to post Share on other sites
Frank2thepoint Posted October 22, 2014 Share Posted October 22, 2014 For question 1, you don't need to talk about it at this point. Just get to know each, and make a decision to visit her, so both of you can see each other in person. Try to spend at least a week together, depending on the distance, and other circumstances such as age, school/work obligations, etc. If you bring up the the topic of a LDR, there is pressure placed on both of you. This is something you guys should discuss once both of you acknowledge there is real chemistry. For question 2, you just flirt via text, phone conversations, Skype, and whatever. Drop genuine compliments, for example if there is something she is passionate about. Show interest in something she is doing. But also reveal yourself to her as well, so she knows you have depth. Link to post Share on other sites
Author connor91 Posted October 22, 2014 Author Share Posted October 22, 2014 For question 1, you don't need to talk about it at this point. Just get to know each, and make a decision to visit her, so both of you can see each other in person. Try to spend at least a week together, depending on the distance, and other circumstances such as age, school/work obligations, etc. If you bring up the the topic of a LDR, there is pressure placed on both of you. This is something you guys should discuss once both of you acknowledge there is real chemistry. For question 2, you just flirt via text, phone conversations, Skype, and whatever. Drop genuine compliments, for example if there is something she is passionate about. Show interest in something she is doing. But also reveal yourself to her as well, so she knows you have depth. In response to your first point. I live in England and she is in Canada so there is a huge distance apart from us. Due to University it's going to be hard for me (this year) to visit her. Seeing her in person would be great though and it's something I would consider. We flirt a lot plus I tease her and she likes it. I think showing interest is important and being intrigued by what her day was like etc. Connor. Link to post Share on other sites
Frank2thepoint Posted October 22, 2014 Share Posted October 22, 2014 In response to your first point. I live in England and she is in Canada so there is a huge distance apart from us. Due to University it's going to be hard for me (this year) to visit her. Seeing her in person would be great though and it's something I would consider. If you already know it will be difficult for you to visit, then it is best you keep her as an online friend. There is a possibility she may just visit you as your friendship has progressed. I understand you have growing feelings for her, but you should slow down with getting too intense, especially asking her about having a long distance relationship. Just be friends for now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author connor91 Posted October 22, 2014 Author Share Posted October 22, 2014 If you already know it will be difficult for you to visit, then it is best you keep her as an online friend. There is a possibility she may just visit you as your friendship has progressed. I understand you have growing feelings for her, but you should slow down with getting too intense, especially asking her about having a long distance relationship. Just be friends for now. I would tend to agree this this. Just wanted a second opinion of the whole situation. It's hard to control my feelings but I'm sure I'll be able to. Link to post Share on other sites
Author connor91 Posted October 22, 2014 Author Share Posted October 22, 2014 The fact that I like this girl more than any other girl ever ****ing scares me. Link to post Share on other sites
chados Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 i live in sweden, my girlfriend comes from the us. because of studying at university it has been hard to move in together. we didnt want to get married to soon either. it has been three years now and she's in germany for a year so its closer. ive been fortunate to see her for about 6-9 months a year. it takes a lot of trust and communication to make it work. and its not for everyone. after this year finally we'll be able to start moving in together and find a place to live, wether its here or at her place. i'd say if money isnt a problem then go see her. who knows? you might be really good together. Link to post Share on other sites
emi Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 Did you ever see her in cam? Sorry i dont know those app you talked about. I never use it Link to post Share on other sites
Author connor91 Posted October 23, 2014 Author Share Posted October 23, 2014 Did you ever see her in cam? Sorry i dont know those app you talked about. I never use it We've Skyped once. Snapchat is just pictures back and forth and Kik is just messaging. Link to post Share on other sites
Author connor91 Posted October 30, 2014 Author Share Posted October 30, 2014 Hey, How is everyone? Quick update - We have been speaking basically every day since I posted this thread and things are going great. I am just being her friend and It surprising isn't that bad? We have good chemistry and can talk about most things. She always teases me and gives mixed signals. For example - 'You're a good friend to me, I'll always be here for you...' And other times she says 'You're so handsome, hot etc.' ... 'I want you to be with me so much right now.' ... 'Wish we could spend time together.' Distance is such a killer but I'm enjoying her company for now. Have a good Halloween everyone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author connor91 Posted October 30, 2014 Author Share Posted October 30, 2014 Also, I was thinking of doing an experiment/test kind of thing... We speak pretty much every day so I was thinking of not talking tomorrow to see how she reacts or what she thinks of that... Thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
TMichaels Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 Also, I was thinking of doing an experiment/test kind of thing... We speak pretty much every day so I was thinking of not talking tomorrow to see how she reacts or what she thinks of that... Thoughts? Fastest way to screw a good thing up? Play games. Don't.Do.It. Best, TMichaels 2 Link to post Share on other sites
KismetGirl Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 Im the girl on the other side of your equation basically. Met a guy online, have been talking every day for two months (though we've skyped many times), and of course the usual texting, pictures, and not that you mentioned it but there's been plenty of sexual conversation and flirtation too. We've gotten very "close" from talking but who's to say if that's real and will translate to real life. Things are very different when there's a breathing person in front of you. He's casually dating other people. I know of at least one girl for the last 3 weeks or so that he's seeing. He insists its nothing but it hurts me even though i cant say anything about it. Dont play games with her (eg- ignoring her for a day just to see what happens). She'll start to think youre seeing other people, etc etc. If you are, sure, be honest, but if you're not no reason to just make her think thats a possibility just to get her jealous or by ignoring her or something. Games never work. Im constantly tempted to play such games just to "show him" what its like to wonder if im out with some guy when im not talking to him but i suppose in the long run it would push him away. i dont know. he told me the other day ive been overly sensitive lately and i have been. it gets harder as time goes. he and i actually live in the same city, but he happened to message me just one day before i left the counry for 5-6 months! so we've been chatting regularly for two months and have another two months to go till im back. he seems super excited to see me but im terrified it wont work. if you like her, either stay friends for now or make a time to actually meet or this will go no where and as time goes you will both get more frustrated until someone explodes, or one of you meets someone else and it crushes the other one. Make boundaries now-- either stay flirty and meet at some point soon when your school schedule allows, or decide that just friends i better for now and reduce the texting/flirtation/etc. Emotions are easy to elevate when you are talking to someone so much because you develop a false sense of intimacy . There is no sex clouding the issue even if we do send naughty pics or have sexy conversations at times-- the physical is not actually there so we are forced to talk and that false sense of intimacy can mess with you if you are not prepared to see if that can go any further. Just my two cents... Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 Also, I was thinking of doing an experiment/test kind of thing... We speak pretty much every day so I was thinking of not talking tomorrow to see how she reacts or what she thinks of that... Thoughts? It'd be some jerk move. Why don't you simply ask her instead? Like: hey, have you noticed we've been talking every day? I was wondering about something right now... Suppose you wouldn't hear from me for a day or two, what would you think? What would you do? And you'd have your answers. She might ask why you would be missing for a day or two, and you could say such things happen, for whatever reason, like you end up in hospital, or the Internet is not working, etc. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kimiky Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 As you were told, LRD is not for everyone. Just pay attention on her potential to be with you... By that I mean if you two don't fight easily, if you love her defects, her capability to stand the distance, the trust you have on her. All this is because an LDR is a big investment of time, effort and money, and if you want to make a big step, you will have to think about future situations. If you keep talking to her, you will obviously keep falling in love. The "spark" depends on you, and if you two are always in a good mood, or if simply don't meet someone else. If you like her it will flow naturally. Just think about what would happen if you invest on travelling to her if you want a long term relationship, but keep talking to her, one month is pretty little time to think about these things. Link to post Share on other sites
Author connor91 Posted October 31, 2014 Author Share Posted October 31, 2014 Thank-U for the helpful replies, I was laughing reading them as I didn't realise that It would be such a bad move to ignore her for the day. She messaged me an hour ago so I'll go reply. Anyways It seems like people are saying that I should take the time to go see her...I'm considering the option now as it seems like it would be a good move. Obviously I have got to speak to her about it and see how she feels, which is quite nerve racking. Finance isn't an issue at all and I could easily afford to go and see her but I would definitely have to wait another month/two to see how the situation progresses with her (If things keep going or it just dies out). Hopefully not the later. Peace. Link to post Share on other sites
Author connor91 Posted November 2, 2014 Author Share Posted November 2, 2014 (edited) Things are getting better? Since I've just started to become her friend, help her out with situations etc. she has started to become more open, flirts a lot more and wants to 'progress' our relationship. By progress our relationship I mean talk on the phone and Skype more in the week. She always says 'good morning' and sends me a nice 'goodnight' message which is always nice. It's good not worrying about the whole distance thing and I am just going with the flow. A few questions for the experts - 1. How do I react when she flirts with me? Do I flirt back or change the subject/cut it down? 2. I have huge mood swings sometimes as something happened to me many years ago which is personal. Sometimes I just don't feel like talking to ANYONE, how do I not let this hinder our friendship? Edited November 2, 2014 by connor91 Link to post Share on other sites
Author connor91 Posted November 2, 2014 Author Share Posted November 2, 2014 (edited) Sorry for being annoying but I think hurt or jealous is the best way to describe how I'm feeling now. I don't want to feel jealousy but I can't ****ing help it? We are chatting and she brings up 'How many friends she has made on the Internet from all over the world : Finland, Germany, France, Russia.' then she says the usual bs 'You're one of the sweetest <3'. I tried to not get angry but in the end I had to say 'I'm busy gotta go.' Am I only EVER going to be a disposable friend to her? I don't understand? Feeling ****ty right now.. Does she flirt with all her 'Internet friends'? I'm so close to giving up now. Or am I over thinking the situation? Edited November 2, 2014 by connor91 Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted November 3, 2014 Share Posted November 3, 2014 Am I only EVER going to be a disposable friend to her? I don't know about disposable, but yes, she's treating you like a friend. And you're allowing that. Does she flirt with all her 'Internet friends'? Extremely likely. Link to post Share on other sites
Author connor91 Posted November 3, 2014 Author Share Posted November 3, 2014 (edited) I don't know about disposable, but yes, she's treating you like a friend. And you're allowing that. Extremely likely. How am I supposed to act any different? About the friend thing? She's messing with my head because last night she messages me saying 'I miss you' , 'I want to be there with you and hold your hand', 'you're so hot' etc. What the hell am I supposed to do? Is she just enjoying the attention I'm paying her? Edited November 3, 2014 by connor91 Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted November 3, 2014 Share Posted November 3, 2014 What are you complaining about exactly? You are the only one here seeing her behavior through the weeks, months and seasons. If someone plays around with you, flirts, then sleeps with some other guy, then comes back to you, then she sleeps with someone else, then she tries with you again, and you are allowing all that, who's to blame? Have you ever made any stand? Did you set rules? No. So it just looks like you're enjoying her erratic attention. If you don't like what she's offering, don't just wait around for her crumbs... Link to post Share on other sites
Author connor91 Posted November 4, 2014 Author Share Posted November 4, 2014 (edited) Hey! Confronted her about the whole thing when we were just talking and the main points I got back were - She likes me a lot. More than a friend. She doesn't want me to hook up with other girls. She isn't sure about the whole idea of long distance. She hasn't dated for 9 months now. She wants to keep on getting to know me better. It's best to just be friends with her for the time being but I guess our relationship will progress over time so It will be interesting to see how things develop. Edited November 4, 2014 by connor91 Link to post Share on other sites
chados Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 go back and read my last post. 3 years.. yes its scary and you feel maybe she wont feel the same when i see her. is she just being friendly?. stop overthinking. if you ignore her she will either not text you because she thinks your busy or she gets scared too. shes clearly talking to you in a relationship way. you think she would spend so much time saying she miss you if you never met and youre just a friend?. texting doesnt show how a person are in real life. skype/actually go see her will make you understand better. so go see her. Link to post Share on other sites
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