Pun Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 Hello everyone, about a year ago, I met this wonderful woman on the internet. And very soon after this we fell, to both our suprises, in love. Even though we are 3 hours flying away from each other we try to meet every month, just to satisfy our physical needs as it is very hard not to be together. Since this time we had our arguments and made it up after some days. But we always argue and fight when we are not together so on the phone, which makes it more terrible to argue. But lately everything became very good and we agreed on living together and after this getting married. I even selected a beautiful wedding ring for her. But recently, we started to argue about our future because I misunderstood her words. And instead of asking what she means, I made my own conclusions from her words and she got hurt by it. After some days we made it up and everything was normal again. But the next morning I understood that I had to recover from these arguments because I hurted her very much. I became sad this morning and I tried to explain that I needed time for our plans. But everything backfired, everything even became worse and I hurted her again. She removed photo's from us from social media. I don't want to give it up with her and want to be the man she needs. Not the man which hurts her, because it's never my intention to hurt her. I'm afraid it can't be fixed anymore. Does anyone has any ideas, advice or suggestions? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 Did you tell her that you misunderstood & that you are sorry? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pun Posted October 21, 2014 Author Share Posted October 21, 2014 Yes, this is about the first argument and we talked this through. But she doesn't believe my sorry's anymore. I need to explain why I'm sorry and what I will change to not do it the next time. But this time, the second fighting after making up the first, she completely misunderstood my words and now I'm wrong again. Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted October 22, 2014 Share Posted October 22, 2014 Fly there and fix things in person. Get (literally) on your knees and ask for forgiveness. And offer solutions for the next time something similar happens. Bringing flowers might irritate her more, so I'd refrain from doing that, for the time being. I'm not sure if it can be fixed because you omitted what happened, what you did, etc. Also, it looks like it was repeated bad behavior on your part. So she'll have to really make a huge effort to let go. Living together requires a lot of patience and understanding. And you two do not seem ready yet. You need to start making the effort in the first place. Then, if 6 months go by with no drama, you can think of getting married. Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted October 22, 2014 Share Posted October 22, 2014 Take the time and energy you are expending trying to chase a dream with a woman halfway across the country and use it on finding a woman in your town that you can have a real relationship with. It's nice to have pen pals that you can send off an email to at the end of the day, but it becomes a problem when you are burning up time and energy that can be used fostering real relationships in the here and now. Link to post Share on other sites
GoBlue Posted October 22, 2014 Share Posted October 22, 2014 Hi Pun - there isn't a lot of details to go on based on what you have written, but there are some observations that stick out for me. Falling in love and "satisfying physical needs" are not the same thing. The fact that you are attracted to one another is a start but it isn't the end-all of true love. The fact that you argue often when you are apart seems like a red flag because it doesn't seem you guys have even known each other that long. Conflict resolution is a skill that any couple can learn because it leads to honest and open communication. Honest and open communication is the foundation of any truly intimate relationship which marriage is all about. Have you consulted with family and friends about this relationship? How do they feel about it? If the physical aspect of your relationship was taken away what would be left? Do you believe there is enough there to develop a loving and lasting marriage? Taking an honest look at where the two of you really are seems like a wise and prudent thing to do. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Link to post Share on other sites
chados Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 yeah can you please tell us why you are fighting? i mean whatever it is, private or not. this is just people on the internet who has no clue who you are. no need to use names or anything, just give some hints at least. woman are known to think twice as much as us guys. we think about today and they think about today and tomorrow. its so easy to misunderstand what they are saying sometimes because when we think about what were going to do with the relationship right now they tend to talk about what we are going to do a year from now. just because she ask you something doesnt mean you should get upset about it. you tell her what you think and deal with it. if anything i think she will respect you for telling her how you feel and what you want. and if you really feel that it was easy to misunderstand then tell her to explain herself. Link to post Share on other sites
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