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Do I end it before its too late?


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I have a wonderful boyfriend, we are actually in an LDR but I figured this issue is more general in nature.

 

I have no real problems outside of the distance and the small insecurities and worries that come with it. We have been pretty good so far, affectionate and we make each other laugh and are pretty happy with one another.

 

The thing is I have started to consider him in a more serious light and I know he has with me as well. We talk about our future and where we want things to go and how we would bridge the gap between us.

 

In thinking about this we would obviously touch on careers, finances and goals. Now I would describe me so far as a progressive person, I am continually seeking development and opportunities and so on. In that sense I would describe myself as being independent. I was never someone to look at my partner's finances or personal assets as a factor in whether or not I should be with him. My b/f is not very affluent but he is comfortable. He has a stable job but we both fear there is not much room for growth.

 

Here is my problem. I would never leave him if he cannot find another job or he is unemployed or anything like that, however, I seem to be having a hard time grasping his ambitions.

 

I would like (as I think everyone would) to have a comfortable future, affluent enough to do the things I want. (We have spoken about travelling, and kids etc). He seems to want the same things but I do not see his ambition there.

 

He dropped out of college because he doesn't like school. If you talk and spend time with him you would realize he is extremely intelligent and would excel in an academic environment , he just doesn't like it. I think other people saw that which is why he still managed to land a comfortable job.

 

But his job takes care of him and he has no expenses. What happens if I move to be with him? It may take me a while to get a job. His salary can indeed work for us both but I still am worried about our future.

 

I ask him what are his plans for his career and he responded saying he hopes he has the same job. He is not bothered about moving up or earning more. He went for one interview to move up and didn't get it because of his attitude. I fear that thats going to be the case if he doesn't get his ambitions up. The rejection from this job has made him not want to try again and it bothers me.

 

I see so much potential in him and in us. He has stated being dissatisfied with his job, yet does nothing to improve it.

Apart from work, I sometimes get traces of this "laziness" with regular things. When we are together on visits, he takes forever to do chores and is quite content sometimes with just laying around. In the beginning I didn't mind as cuddling is a priority in the beginning of the relationship but now it bothers me a little that he so comfortable not doing anything.

 

He says he wants to do things but still sometimes doesn't do it unless someone else picks. He never likes to pick or make decisions unless its absolutely necessary and we have made solutions to that because I would've gone crazy.

 

I guess my issue is knowing what to do. I know we can do well but I would need more from him I think. I do not know if the laziness will get worse over time and I do not want to move to a whole other country thousands of miles to be with someone who doesn't want more from life.

 

I am not superficial I would like to think because I do not want him to do these things for me as I can do my own thing, but for a proper future I do not think we can have what we want or be without issue if his laziness continues.

 

We are relatively new together, though serious.

 

What do I do? Do I bring this up or wait a while?

 

When I try to encourage him to do things - in the most sensitive of ways as I know people do not like to be told something is wrong or to do more- he still reacts negatively or lazily.

 

What do i do???

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How old are you and your boyfriend ?

How long a drive is it to each other ?

Who is still living with their parents ?

How long have you been together ?

Have you already been sexually intimate ?

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It sounds like you want another boyfriend, not him.

 

You need someone into his own career, willing to move up on the social ladder, eager to make money, and in turn, you need to get the good and the evil of that. Which will probably mean you might get neglected on and off in the process as long as he will work, and deal with the fact that his ethic threshold can lower based on his needs.

 

Also, who said that a couple needs to cuddle only in the beginning?? Clearly, the minihoneymoon with him has ended a while ago.

 

Regarding moving to where he lives, besides warmly advising you to think well if he's the right one, that mainly depends on how far away you are from him.

 

Anyway, when you're serious about it, you can arrange everything in advance (resumes, presentation letters, etc.). You need to create a database with all the agencies in the aread that could help you find a job. Plus you can have a separate database for companies you could contact directly, depending on your skills and type of industry you've been working in so far. You should start contacting everyone, like at least 3 weeks before being in his country. No mass insignificant emails. All your letters need to be personalised and even better if you know the names of the people you need to contact. Expect to hear back from one out of 100 contacts. So I'd say if you want to have a few chances, you'd need like 400/500 serious contacts. On the resume, you need to put his address. If you can get a phone card from his country, even better. They will think you're in the country. If they want to arrange an appointment, you tell them to let you know when they would like an appointment, and you could say it'd be great if it were in week X (where X is the number of the week and you'll surely be in his country).

 

All this requires a lot of work.

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tobrieornottobrie

Have you talked to him about any of this directly? Before considering moving you may want to make sure that you are both on the same page. Just something to think about. Best wishes!

 

~ the brie's cheese knees ~

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