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You should not visit her because she will cheat on you?


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How in the world do I respond to that. My parents have been giving me a lot of bs about visiting my girlfriend who lives on the other side of the country.

 

They said how do I know she's not whoring around with other guys behind my back and that what if she's a prostitute (whatever that means).

 

I really don't know how to respond to that.

 

I'm 22 and I'm funding the whole trip as well as paying my fair share of the bills while living with them and they give me this.

 

No she's not a slut? Is that right answer because that barely seems to make much impact on them.

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They seem to know their good share about cheating.............................

 

First of all, I wonder: would they think the same thing if you met this girl in your college? Is it that promiscuous girls only live far away from where you're at, or are all the girls promiscuous nowadays? If they support the former theory, it goes without saying that it has no ground whatsoever. If they support the latter, well, tell them that if it's so, then it won't stop you from trying to find your half.

Tell them to take it easy. Tell them she's not your girlfriend, just a friend, and they shouldn't make all they fuss they're making. Tell them you've dated girls and you were not born yesterday. And they can't tell you whom to date. If you get along with her, you like her, and there's enough ground to go on, then you'd consider dating her. Otherwise, no.

 

Let them see that you are wise and know what you want. That you're not easily manipulated (which would be one of one's mother worse fears).

 

Make a point with them that you would have never thought they would have turned into what they are today. That you value respect, and they should try to treat everybody with respect. They don't even know this girl.

 

And to top it all, tell them: would have you preferred me to hide this kind of thing from you? If you go on with this kind of behavior, I won't share details of my private life with you anymore.

 

I'm sure they don't want to reach that point... If they care a lot, as it seems they do, they won't let you distance yourself from them. They would understand they are getting the opposite effect than the one they wanted.

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Tell them that with that logic, you won't date anyone in your life. Anyone can cheat on you, living half a street from your home, or leaving on the other side of the world.

 

Also, even if you met someone in, let's say a disco or bar, she can be worse than someone you have been talking online since months.

 

They have no rights as you are an adult and you pay your own stuff. Nobody stopped them to fall in love, marry and have you as their child, so they can't decide your love life for you.

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I really appreciate your responses. You are all right, I really need to make them see her as the person that I see. Their logic is illogical and flawed. I know they mean well but they have always been the type of parents afraid of letting the birds out of the nest. I sat down earlier today and had a big talk with my dad about it and it seems that there might be some hope after all. We shook hands and he told me that he would not get in my way if that is what I really want, he simply warned me that convincing my mom is still my responsibility however.

 

Small incremental steps.

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Your parents may not have worded it very eloquently but they have a point. I think you are making a very unwise use of your money, time and emotion but you aren't ready to hear what or why they say what they say. Perhaps once you make the mistake you will then realize they were right.

 

It's a lot wiser to meet a girl locally.

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Seriously, I wouldnt bother with that crap. Tell them that being with someone local isnt any guarantee either cause if someone wants to cheat, they will find a way and you wouldnt even know. That's why any rlship has to be based on trust.

 

when one of my friends was in LDR, people were giving her this crap, too: "how can you know that he's not cheating on you out there, blahblah". So be prepared that a lot of people will say that - but you can have a ready answer every time to shut their mouths :)

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Frank2thepoint
I'm 22 and I'm funding the whole trip as well as paying my fair share of the bills while living with them and they give me this.

 

Since everyone else covered the appropriate response, I will say that since you are pretty much independent concerning this endeavor, why do you care about what they think? Yes I know they are your parents, but it doesn't mean they are always right. You need to make your own decisions.

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he simply warned me that convincing my mom is still my responsibility however.

 

Small incremental steps.

 

How do you have to convince your mom of anything with regard to whether you visit your love interest, at the age of 22?

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Michelle ma Belle

Being a parent myself, I think you need to try and understand that at the core of everything, your parents are concerned for you and don't want to see you get hurt. The problem is that they absolutely SUCK at expressing themselves in a way that is loving and supportive.

 

You're an adult and are free to do as you want. Seeking approval or permission from our parents is a natural instinct particularly when we're close with them but that doesn't mean they are perfect.

 

If this is indeed a relationship you want to pursue then do it knowing that some people may not understand including your parents. Whatever you do, try to conduct yourself with dignity and grace and always treat your parents with respect.

 

You are the fruit of their loins after all :)

 

Good luck.

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Being a parent myself
Heck, I am too. If my son came to me with this sort of announcement, I would want to know ANYTHING about the girl. How old, where does she live, what does she do, her family background? That would be my way to 'protect' my son. If for example he told me she lives in the Bronx and then I get to know that her brothers are in some gang, then oh @!! I would try to advise him against trying anything with her, I'd tell him: son, it's better you leave her alone, you'll get into trouble, etc. But I can't stick to the door and tell him he'll have to walk on my dead body in order to see her............. I mean, we're getting there here. Which is a bit too much.

 

But anyway, my experience is that some parents are just 'difficult'. I don't believe in 'difficult' children, because usually there's a reason behind their behaviors. But I believe there are 'difficult parents', for all the wrong reasons:

- some want you to do or be what they couldn't do or be

- some want enough social status for their children (where 'rich' is a good starting point, anything less is out of the question)

- some want same religion spouses to avoid societal judgement or in the worst scenario to avoid eternal condemnation

- you name it

 

I too think that you shouldn't care about what they think so much. If they were particularly religious, you could get someone (a priest?) to talk to them, so that they can reconsider their behavior.

 

Don't rent them Pretty Woman, or they will flip out. Maybe it's time for you to move out. Start looking.

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