xUnknown Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 (edited) Based off my thread here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/456846-she-reconciled-may-meet-up-first-date Short summary: ex and I broke up last year. Went strict NC, she came back a few months later - started dating, taking it slow, made things official in July. She moved on FL for work, just got back to MD last weekend. I saw her 2 times during her time in Florida (she visited me, I visited her) then I picked her up from the airport on Friday. Saturday I threw a wonderful "welcome home" party for her which she loved. We're 3 hrs apart. I guess, I just need some advice on how to deal with anxiety on a long distance relationship. I communicate when things are bothering me 10xs better than I did in the old relationship, so communication isn't much of the issue. Sometimes I'm hurt when she has other plans other than seeing me. I hate the feeling of being clingy, or needy, because I know that just pushes her (women in general) away. Could it be a "longing" for her because I haven't seen her very much? So I recently started having a lot of anxiety. My younger brother passed away almost 4 months ago in a tragic motorcycle accident (he was the rider, and was not at fault). I know I held a lot in to be there for my parents and two younger siblings. I think its coming back around to get me. I never had this problem until recently. I just second guess, read into, over analyze, and get worried when I talk/text my gf. She became extremely overwhelmed with work, school and moving the last week of her in FL and I felt didn't communicate as often (we still did, but just not as frequently I feel)hurt because of this). She gave me a heads up beforehand, so its not like it was out of the blue too. She told me that she is going to be very busy and to bear with her the last week or so. I've had recent dreams about my brother and spoke with my therapist. He said the reason I felt hurt from her was because I was associating this "difference in communication" as a loss, and the thing I associated it was with the loss of my brother, because I still have not properly mourned his death. Last night, I called her and she didn't pick up. She called me back a little over an hour later. Things were fine, but I wanted to explained this to her last night. I felt bad that during that hour, I was worried, why didn't she text me back, is everything OK...sort of thing. THIS IS NOT ME...I NEVER get this this. There has been nothing "wrong" in our relationship since we started dating again - things have been perfect. I hate it. I started expressing all these things to her last night and told her I want to get to the bottom of it. Edited October 1, 2014 by xUnknown Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 You're just having more emotions right now because it's an emotional time. It would be great if the world could stand still for you until you get your bearings, but we both know that isn't going to happen. I'm glad you're seeing a therapist and sounds like you're getting good insight there. Don't go getting all weird on your woman because LD it will be hard for her to tell what is going on. Just keep seeing the therapist, don't overexplain things to the gf, who has her own things going on right now. Keep it steady sounding like you're working through stuff, because you are. Your therapist could give you some anxiety pills that might help a lot for just a little while. Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted October 5, 2014 Share Posted October 5, 2014 You're just having more emotions right now because it's an emotional time. It would be great if the world could stand still for you until you get your bearings, but we both know that isn't going to happen. I'm glad you're seeing a therapist and sounds like you're getting good insight there. Don't go getting all weird on your woman because LD it will be hard for her to tell what is going on. Just keep seeing the therapist I agree with all that. I'd say be open with your gf, but don't overload her with your fears, anxiety, etc. She needs to know what's going on, but not to the extent that the relationship feels in danger. You don't want that to happen in the first place. I wouldn't recommend any kind of pill. Mourning is a slow process, and it will take time. Deal with it the most natural way possible. You are seeing a therapist, so that's good. It will probably be your soft spot for years to come. But always try to see things in perspective. Life goes on, your brother would want that. He would want you to be happy and not always in a poor state because of what happened to him. Find the strength within yourself. And use your life the best way you can, when you make decisions. A hug from this stranger Link to post Share on other sites
Author xUnknown Posted October 6, 2014 Author Share Posted October 6, 2014 It wasn't the stress and dealing with my brother that caused my anxiety. It was the relationship. I listened to my therapist who said it was about my brother...when the reality was, my gut was right. We broke up this weekend. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/496531-well-i-m-back#post5935444 Link to post Share on other sites
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